Wade's Rantings

Tate Wars

2011-03-12T16:01:00.007-06:00

How fitting is it that for my blog's 500th post (and first in a dang long while) I'm posting Tate's 4th birthday video! Just don't pay any attention to the fact that his 4th birthday was back in December!

My how time flies! If you've been wondering where I've been lately - just watch the video!

Don't be Snow Stupid!

2011-02-07T21:03:00.000-06:00

I realize that throughout my own existence I will have plenty of opportunities to personally contribute towards the overall stupidity of humanity. Have said that . . .

I would like to blatantly ignore the minuscule speck in my own eye while calling everyone's attention to the massive 2x4 sticking out of the eye of so many who attempted to drive on sheer ice last week.

Recent extensive research (also known as my casual observation) has revealed that freezing temperatures and icy road conditions causes people to turn stupid (of course that's a technical term!).

Most people under normal circumstances would admit that driving on icy roads can be treacherous and should only be attempted by experienced drivers and when leaving the home is absolutely necessary. We can easily agree with that statement as being true and logical, right?

What is amazing however is how quickly said-logic evaporates as soon as the proverbial you-know-what freezes over - resulting in general stupidity and knuckle-headedness to take hold of otherwise bright witted individuals.

Based upon what I observed during my, ahem!, extensive research, I can only assume that the following inner-monologue could have been heard inside the cars of several soon-to-be-stranded motorists:

"Dum dee dum, this driving on ice thing seems pretty easy so I'm just gonna speed up to excessive and dangerous speeds.

Oh, look at this! Someone just texted me a hilarious photo of their kid playing in the snow - I'm now going to focus all of my attention on my smart phone and forward this to . . .

WHAT'S HAPPENING??!! Sweet Mother of Frozen Precipitation, I've lost all control of my car!!! I'm spinning in circles in the middle of a busy intersection!!!

How is this even possible??!! Oh laws of physics, why have you forsaken me??!! Surely this has never happened before in the history of modern transportation!! "

Light pole + Mr. Knucklehead = D'oh!

So let this be a word of caution to all of you as we receive news of even more snow in our forecast . . . don't get snow stupid!

My Look Back - Will's Arrival

2010-08-18T23:48:00.000-05:00

The last 7 months since I've stepped away from the blogosphere have been pretty action packed. It doesn't seem right to return to my usual tomfoolery until I take a moment to look back at a couple of events that have actually kept me away from my blog. So I'll do this a little at a time . . .

First and foremost is Will.

I'll let Kelly's post be the official documentation of the big day. But here are my hot sports opinions on the new little guy.

The biggest surprise I wasn't expecting - The realization that I still don't know what to expect even though I could have sworn I was going to know what to expect.
The most pleasant surprise I wasn't expecting - How cool it is to watch Tate and Will form their friendship almost immediately. Even during the first few weeks Tate could get Will to stop crying simply by singing to him. Me singing to Will seemed to only make him even more upset.
Who I think Will looks like - Not me, thank goodness! Lucky for him, he's got a lot of Kelly in his face around his nose and eyes! Others say Will looks a lot like Tate - which is equally advantageous!
Something that I forgot about since Tate was a baby - How incredible it is to hold a sleeping baby - makes me want to hold him for hours.
Something that I tried really hard to forget but was mostly unsuccessful - The feeling when you've just realized that the diaper leaked and you're now covered in runny, yellow poop - blech!
Something I suddenly don't mind saying out loud in public in a stupid baby voice - "Does Baby Will want Daddy to clean his poopy pants?"
The good thing about diaper bags - Finally a place other than Kelly's purse where I can stash my wallet, keys and phone!
Cracks me up every time - Will's baby burps and his pouty face where he sticks out his lower lip - we're still trying to get a picture of this, hysterical!
2 Things that still bring me to speechless amazement - A woman who gives birth to a newborn . . .
. . . and The Creator who gives him life!

Welcome to the family, Son - We already can't imagine life without you!

My Grumpy Old Man Role Models . . . .

2010-08-15T08:06:00.003-05:00

I still have much to learn . . . thank goodness for Statler & Waldorf!!

Oh yeah, I have a blog!!!

2010-08-07T14:55:00.005-05:00

The social encounter that I fear more than kryptonite itself is bumping into someone that you used to be really great friends with but haven't seen since the day after you graduated from high school.

You start the conversation off with big hugs and, "Oh my gosh! You haven't changed a bit!"

(Yeah right!)

At first, it's all fun and giggles because you have standard issued questions you can rely on to keep the conversation flowing - Where do you live now? What are you doing now? How many kids do you have now?

(Just don't forget to oogle the photos of their kids and comment about how absolutely precious they are!!)

But after that initial data exchange, the conversation ALWAYS grinds to a painful halt as if you're suddenly talking to an absolute stranger. Why is that??? Wasn't this someone you used to be great friends with??? Wasn't the the person who you could stay up until 2 AM talking to???

10 years ago you could read each other's mind but now all you can do is stand there in awkward silence and sheepishly issue the guaranteed conversation killer, "So . . . um . . . crazy weather, huh?"

(Hmmmm, maybe I'm suddenly realizing why this person hasn't spoken to me in the last 10 years!)

Mercifully, these conversations eventually come to an end but not before one of you throws out the Ultimate Empty Promise of All Time, "Give me a call and we'll get the kids together!"

Yeah, that's code for "See ya' in another 10 years!"

Seiously, those conversations are excrutiating. They're just as hard as say . . . um . . . posting on your blog for the first time in 7 months! Talk about not knowing what to say!!!

Oh well, here's my peace offering. Enjoy!

I hope all in the blogosphere are doing well. Feel free to give me a call - we'll get the kids together!

Just kidding!!!

T3: Tate's 3rd Birthday Video

2009-12-21T21:06:00.002-06:00

It's probably bad form to follow a post about how I've recommitted myself to my blog (so that my second child wouldn't feel neglected) with another post of a video solely dedicated to my first child.

But therein lies Real World Lesson #1 for Child #2 . . . Life ain't fair. Accept it and move on!

Having said that, let's move on to T3 - Tate's 3rd Birthday Video.

Happy Birthday, Buddy Boy! You'll never know how proud I am of you!

Christmas Second Stringers!

2009-12-20T22:47:00.004-06:00

My yuletide soap boxes are a'plenty on this blog (click here and here) -- and though there is no shortage of retail stores to boycott because of their pre-emptive and obsessant broadcasts of Christmas music before the widely recognized and official start of the Christmas season (day after Thanksgiving) -- I do actually have one contribution to this year's Christmas cheer . . .

It's a Christmas card I got from my sister over 10 years ago and it still ranks #1 on my highly exclusive . . .

Top 10 Christmas Cards List

in the History of Ever!

. . . eat your heart out, Hallmark!

The reason I like it is because it's original! GASP! You mean we don't have to give the same ol' cards and listen to the same ol' music EVERY Christmas of our lives?!?!?!

No, actually, try mixing it up a little bit! And what doesn't say "Merry Christmas" like Vomet and Spitzen for reindeer names? Sound like my kinda guys!

Oh well, here's my half-hearted attempt to say "Merry Christmas, everybody!"

The Elephant In The Room

2009-12-12T08:27:00.017-06:00

Considering recent events, I've discovered that I have at least one thing in common with Tiger . . . I have lots of explaining to do.

Our similarities abruptly end there.

I've gone from 3-4 posts a week to only 3 posts in as many months. There are two reasons for that.

When I started this blog, my job had me spending at least 2-4 hours a day in my car in addition to another 2 hours of sitting by myself in physician waiting rooms. Needless to say, I had plenty time to think of pointless, rambling blog material.

Then a little over a year ago I left that job (ultimately because I was bored out of my mind!) and took over my dad's clinical research company . . . Protenium Clinical Research - Moving Research Forward!

(Shameless Plug Alert!)

There are a lot of things I love about my new gig, but one of the draw backs is that keeping a company on track drains me of time and mental capacity for online ranting, much to the Evil Empire's delight.

Then there's Facebook. Sweet, clean, easy one-sentence status updates Facebook. Let's face it - Facebook is trying to kill my blog.

Bad, Facebook, bad!

At the same time, I've reconnected with so many more friends and family in the last year via Facebook than I ever did via my blog over the last three years.

Bad, blog, bad!

And I can honestly say that in the past few months I've contemplated actually signing off and hanging a "Moved to Facebook" sign on Wade's Rantings. Though I can't say that would NEVER happen, I can say that I now have a reason to keep blogging.

Kelly and I shared a couple months ago that we're having another baby in the spring. She and I already feel the guilt of not giving our second child near as much time, thought and attention as Tate by this point in his pregnancy. I think by the time Kelly was 20 weeks along with Tate, I already had a small novel written about him on my blog.

So far, Baby Strz has all of ONE.

(Uh-oh! I think CPS just pulled up in front of my house!)

All that being said, the last thing I want is Baby Strz to spend years in therapy as an adult because I didn't blog as much about him/her than I did about Tate. I think the guilt from that alone would have me spending year in therapy in itself.

So there you have it - it may not be 3-4 posts a week but dust off that boring looking Rounders 3 template and fire up the dashboard. This kid may have to play with hand-me-down Lightning McQueen toys but at least he/she will have his/her very own blog posts!

. . . OK, now it's Tiger's turn!

Fun With Our Office Message Board

2009-11-02T08:19:00.004-06:00

It makes more sense if you're a huge Cowboy fan!

Go Cowboys!

Things Are Gonna Get Crazy(er) Around Here!

2009-09-15T21:27:00.001-05:00

I was sitting at my desk at home one night recently when our wireless printer suddenly began cranking out a print job - this means that Kelly is printing something from her laptop in the other room.

After a few moments Kelly yelled from the other room if the printer was working. Without even glancing up from my own computer I yelled back that it was.

A few moments after that Kelly appeared in my doorway slightly annoyed and asking me to hand her the print out. I, being slightly annoyed at the interruption and at the fact that even though she had walked all the way from the other room she could not walk the final 5 feet to the printer, quickly turned to grab her print out. And this is what I found . . .

After shedding the guilt I had about being annoyed at my wife while she was in such a delicate condition, I found myself elated with the realization that we're going to have a baby!

(Oh, man! We're going to have another baby!)

So already here come all the same thoughts all over again! What is the baby going to look like? Which name are we going to pick? How are going to handle two kids at once? How are we going to afford two kids at once? What are the chances he will grow up to win the Super Bowl MVP while playing for the Dallas Cowboys? You know, the typical stuff!

The answers to all those questions will come soon enough. As for now, we're praising God for his miracle of life and his many blessings! I pray that he keep both Kelly and the baby comfortably in his hands - that's the best place they could be!

Meanwhile, feel free to drop by with any donations, er, suggestions on how to survive with two!

Tate-ism #18

2009-09-03T23:53:00.005-05:00

Tate began his bedtime prayer the other night by saying:

"Dear God, thank you for washing your hands."

It's pretty obvious he's trying to pass on the positive reinforcement he has been getting lately.

I Owe Kelly BIG TIME!

2009-08-20T20:25:00.007-05:00

I get together with Eric and Jeremy once a month for dinner and a prayer - though this month it was just me and Eric since Jeremy is literally on the other side of the world at the moment.

During said outting this past Monday I got a call from Kelly informing me that a friend from church had gotten a hold of sweet Texas Ranger tickets and had invited me to the game the very next night.

At first, I thought she was calling to taunt me because that would mean that she would have 2 evenings in a row of "guys' night out" while she stayed at home enjoying extra bonding time with Tate.

(Not that extra bonding time with our son is a bad thing - but some things are best in moderation, right?)

I wasn't quite sure what to say when she asked me what to tell Jake. These marital scenarios are best avoided at all cost! You can't seem overly eager to go because that would make you seem like you're not being considerate of her two nights at home with the squid.

But at the same time, you don't want to come across too nonchalant and miss out on the game should the door of possibility be slightly cracked open.

Kelly: "So . . . . what do you want me to tell Jake?"

(Careful! Don't blow it!)

Me: "Uh . . . . . . . . . I want you to tell Jake whatever it is you want me to tell Jake . . . . "

(Oooo, that sounded pretty good!)

Kelly: "Alright, I'll tell him you're looking forward to it!"

(YESSSSSSSS!!!!!!!)

Did I say sweet tickets, or what?!?!?!?! This is the first pitch!

But as awesome as these sweet tickets were - my sweet wife is even awesomer!

Thanks for the double guys' night out, Babe! I owe you big time!

Oh, and a big thanks to Jake for inviting me, too!

_____________________________________

PS: Please feel free to leave helpful suggestions of how I should pay Kelly back!

My New Personal Anthem!

2009-08-13T20:40:00.003-05:00

Finally a song that sings what I feel in my heart!

Forgive Me Father, For I Have Sinned . . . More Butter Please!

2009-08-09T14:24:00.004-05:00

I can't say that I've never lied, but lying is just not part of my makeup. In fact, in the few times in the past when I've tried to lie, I wasn't very good at it - so why bother, right?

The truth is, I didn't take any dishonest intentions with me to the concessions counter before last night's movie - all I wanted was another popcorn bag. I would have even paid a buck for it if they had asked.

When Brad (my brother-in-law) and I sat down in the theatre last night to see GI Joe, he was nice enough to offer to share his huge tub-o-popcorn with me. To avoid appearing as the ambiguously (ahem!) duo by eating from the same bag of popcorn as well as avoiding that akward moment when our hands accidentally touch as we reach for more popcorn at the same time, I decided it would be better to go back to the concessions counter to get an extra popcorn bag of my own.

Me: "Excuse me, can I get another popcorn bag?"

Teen-aged purveyor of popcorn: "What happened to your first bag?"

(He surprised me with having a tone and giving me a look of suspect - I didn't know what to say)

Me: "Uh . . . it kinda ripped."

(It just popped out. I don't know why I said it - it wasn't true. But it felt easier to say than that I just wanted another bag so I could have some of my brother-in-law's popcorn.)

Teenager: "Oh no! Did you lose all your popcorn?"

(His skepticism quickly turned to concern.)

Me: "No, not really . . . I just don't wanna . . . you know?"

(Actually I don't know - that made absolutely no sense what so ever. This is my lying curse - I'm terrible at it!)

Teenager: "Well let me get you some more!"

(He grabbed a bag and began filling it with popcorn.)

Me: "Oh, uh . . . you don't have to . . . "

Teenager: "You want butter on this?"

Me: "Uh, . . . sure!"

(At this point, the guardian angel that stands on my shoulder is smacking up side my head with his halo.)

Teenager: [With a big smile] "Here you go - don't tear this one!"

Me: [With a failed smile] "Right . . . thanks!"

Never before have I felt like such a jerk for lying - but not so much that I couldn't enjoy the popcorn!

To The Neanderthalian Jerk at CiCi's Pizza in Coppell . . .

2009-08-02T20:55:00.008-05:00

(I'm writing this post on behalf Jody and Janell because Jody is too nice to say this and Janell has far more important things to do than to give neanderthalian jerks a cybertronic tongue lashing! I, on the other hand . . . [cracking knuckles] . . . )

1. Excuuuuuse us if a certain cool-little-curly-blonde-haired boy should have the nerve to step in your way -- it's obvious that you have far more important things to do than having to side step a 2-year old.

2. Thanks so much for waving your arms in disgust so that we would all know that Alex broke your stride on the way to the door - we realize the momentum you had built up in the previous 10 feet was now a total loss of energy!

Such waste!

3. I'm impressed with your one-word parenting class you gave Jody when he tried to apologize for Alex cutting you off. Responding by simply saying "Yeah!" helped Jody become reflective and determine if there could have been a better way he could have handled the situation.

One nanosecond later Jody came to the one-word conclusion of "No."

4. And congratulations on being the first guy I've even known to verbally blow off one of the absolute nicest guys I've ever known! I'm sure you're also a great hit at company parties!

5. And speaking of a great hit, nice move on taking your date to Cici's Pizza! I bet she was even more impressed when you hit High Score on Mrs. Pac Man!

6. Just in case you didn't notice, that burning sensation in the back of your head was me staring you down with my laser vision!

Go Texas Rangers!

2009-07-30T20:24:00.007-05:00

Here's my professional sports disclaimer: There's only one sport that I'm a true hardcore fan of (GO COWBOYS!), so all the others have a performance-based existence for me. The better you play, the more I'll tune in.

It's not that I'm a "fair weather fan" and that I only care if a team is doing well but rather that I feel that it's idiocracy to watch mediocrity. Most professional athletes are paid millions to perform so why would should I tune in to watch a sub .500 performance.

Having said that . . .

Let me congratulate the Texas Rangers for actually holding my attention throughout the summer from the end of the Dallas Maverick's season (don't get me started on that one!) to the beginning of Cowboy Training Camp!

And for those of you who may accuse me of "jumping on the band wagon", let me dust off fan club membership card (Member since 1982) and review my credentials of why I've always been a Ranger fan at heart.

1. One of my favorite gifts growing up was my Oddibe McDowell Rookie Card.

2. My sister worked for the Texas Rangers when I was in 5th Grade. She always took me to the games with her. I had a front row seat every night - that is, until the ticket holder or usher ran me off.

(My sister was hired for program sales but was quickly relegated to "dugout duties" which including running water out to the officials during the 7th Inning Stretch. Mitch Williams once asked her out not realizing that she was only 17)

3. I booed Steve Buechele every time he was up to bat.

4. For some strange reason, I can still name the 1989 Opening Day Starters: Buddy Bell, Steve Buechele, Cecil Epsy, Charlie Hough, Ruben Sierra, Scott Flectcher, Geno Petralli, Julio Franco and Pete Incaviglia.

(This is the only year I know!)

5. In the summer of 1993 I saw Juan Gonzales hit two grand slams.

6. The only part of Nolan Ryan's career that I feel is of any consequence is during his time as a Texas Ranger.

So congrats to the Ranger for actually keeping me entertained throughout the summer. At the rate they're playing, I won't notice the Cowboys for at least another 6-8 weeks!

By the way, Derek Holland is a stud!

"I Watch Monster Trucks!"

2009-07-21T21:20:00.006-05:00

I had the opportunity to take Tate to his first monster truck rally last Friday.

(OK, it was a first for me, too!)

There are plenty of things I could say (ie: jokes) about my fellow audience members but I'll just leave that alone and instead simply ask . . . is it really necessary to sing both the National Anthem as well as Lee Greenwood's I'm Proud To Be An American?

The funny thing was how most of the crowd sang Lee Greenwood's song with more passion than they did the National Anthem. Don't get me wrong - I bleed red, white and blue with the rest of them - but do we really need to fight through a cassette recording-fed-through-the-PA-system-version of that song just so that we can prove to the terrorists that nothing is going to stop us from using gawdy monster trucks to crush poor, helpless junk cars from the 70's & 80's?

But I digress! Now on to the good stuff . . .

Here's video of Tate not quite for sure what to think of the ear-splitting monster trucks popping wheelies over junk cars. He eventually relaxed and enjoyed himself - so much that ever since last Friday night, all Kelly and I have heard him say is, "I watch monster trucks!"

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Tate vs. The Church of Later-Day Saints

2009-07-09T22:49:00.007-05:00

You know those moments when you're trying to help your wife out the door for her Girls' Night Out while at the same time trying to keep your impatiently hungry two-year old from knawing on the floorboards?

Well, add to that your friendly neighborhood Missionary-Mormon-On-A-Bicycle standing at your front door!

Umph! I've got nothing against these guys - honestly, I actually admire the way they proactively speak about their faith and practice evangelism. I just wish they wouldn't proactively speak and evangelize when I'm having one of those moments.

Then again, I'm the knucklehead who answered the door!

Ding-dong!

Me: [failed smile] . . . Hi . . .

(The first thing I noticed was that he looked like he was about to have a heat stroke - but what else should you expect when you wear a tie and black pants when it's four thousand degrees outside!)

Mr. Mormon: Hi, my name is [can't remember] and I'm spending time in your neighborhood asking folks like you what you think about your salvation.

Me: . . . . uh . . . . .

(Why am I always at a loss of words when I'm put on the spot like this?!?!?!)

[Enter Tate from Stage Right. He obviously assumed he was allowed to use his outside voice simply because the front door was open. It was all I could do to keep Tate from bolting out the open door and taking off down the street.]

Tate: I KICK THE SOCCER BALL!!!

Mr. Mormon: . . . . uh . . . . .

(I love watching 20-year olds struggle to hold a conversation with my 2-year old!)

Mr. Mormon: . . . . um, as I was saying, have you considered a relationship with Jesus Christ?

(Dang! This guy is good!)

Me: [I go into a 2-minute rambling explanation about he need not worry because we were Christians. I somehow ended with the hardly-convincing phrase, "So, we're all good!" Yeah, that'll convince him!]

Tate: I WAKE UP!!!

(Apparently Tate wanted to address any confusion as to his status following his afternoon nap.)

Mr. Mormon: [failed smile] . . . I can see that!

(Apparently the Church of Latter Day Saints failed to prepare him on what to do when a 2-year old keeps interrupting his Come-to-Jesus Moment!)

Mr. Mormon: So, how has your relationship with Christ played a role in your family?

Me: C'mon, man! (Yeah, I actually said "C'mon, man!") My wife and I are following God's plan in our marriage and in our family. I apprecaite that you've stopped by - have a nice day!

Tate: I GO TO THE NEW HOUSE!!!

[And with that, Mr. Mormon was thoroughly confused!]

From now on, I think I'm just going to let Tate handle all the conversations about my salvation.

Bring on the Hira Krishnas!!

My "Little" Distraction

2009-06-25T21:35:00.005-05:00

My previous post outlined the insanity that has been our lives - which explains my abscence from the blog world for the past few weeks.

But what it doesn't explain is why I've been on the blog DL over the course of this whole year. I would need this to explain that!

Back in January, I shared my decision to leave the "security" of Corporate America to join my Dad's clinical research company and assume his role as President. Needless to say, this new job has been a little distracting for the past 6 months . . . it has taken all of my time, energy and creativity - as one would expect!

I really love my new gig. But at first it had me feeling like my head was spinning three ways AND that I was drinking water from a fire hydrant. 6 months later, I now tell people I feel that I am only drinking water from a fire hyrdant!

But in the course of the first 6 months I have restructured the company into an LLC, rebranded the company with a new name and a new logo, and helped create a new company website.

I say "helped" because I couldn't have built our new website without the Jedi Knight skills of The Marketing Twins (website design), Reliable Studios (website construction) and Paige Pearson Photography (website photos).

(Paige has "Princess Leia" skills!)

I was excited that I could use friends who were experts in these fields - I knew I was in good hands with them! If you're considering a website of your own, I'd highly recommend these folks to help!

As I continue to get a handle on things I will be able to renew my focus and energy for my blog. Until then, it may just be 3 or 4 posts a month - unless something ticks me off something fierce and sturs up the "grumpy old man" in me!

In which case, you may all be wishing I would just hush up and go back to work!

A Father's Day Tate-ism

2009-06-21T16:56:00.004-05:00

"Happy Mother's Day, Daddy!"

(Uh . . . thanks Buddy Boy!)

Which Way Is Up????

2009-06-18T16:42:00.008-05:00

I know it is VERY uncharacteristic of me to go so long without updating my blog. But I do have just a few excuses . . .

1. Me, Kelly, Tate and the rest of Clan Enright took a much needed vacation to Gulf Shores a month ago.

2. During said-getaway, we received 2 offers on our house!

3. After promptly accepting one of the offers, we promptly began house hunting so that we could promptly move into a house (and not an apartment) when we closed on our house 3 weeks later.

4. Somehow we found a house and made an offer.

5. We spent the following week haggling back and forth with the sellers.

6. As soon as we came to an agreement with the sellers of our new house, the buyers of our house had to back out.

7. We then experienced 30 minutes of panic!

8. Panic was short-lived because Debbie, our Wonder Woman Realtor, lined up another buyer!

9. We were then able to return to only a heightened level of stress as we hurried to pack up our house before June 14th.

10. On Wednesday of last week, I received a call from the mortgage company with "concerns about my employment." It appeared to them as though I didn't have a "real job" because I was running the family business.

(So my two most recent pay stubs don't mean anything???)

11. Panic ensued as I tried to convince the mortgage company that I was gainfully employed in time for our Friday closing.

(I eventually appeased them with a letter from both my CEO ~ Dad ~ and my CPA.)

12. Wednesday night arrived with one of those typical North Texas thunderstorms that promptly took out 5 panels of our backyard fence and plucked my favorite backyard Live Oak right out of the ground.

13. The storm also took out the electricity at the office . . . NOT GOOD seeing how we have drug and specimens that must remain below certain temperatures!

14. Thursday morning I: (1) purchased one of the last power generators at Home Depot, (2) scrambled to find a contractor who could repair our fence and plant a new tree and (3) continued boxing up the house for Friday's closing.

15. Thursday night: With the power generator sitting on our office back porch and 8 extension cords running through the backdoor, we hired a high school grad to watch the building overnight. He showed up with a 9mm holstered on his hip . . . . I'm not kidding!

(Isn't there a law against 19-year olds packing heat?????)

16. Early Friday morning: I returned to the office at 6:45 AM grateful to find the power generator still running and that nobody had been shot!

17. Later Friday morning I had to convince our buyers that even though I promised to make repairs, they would have to close on a house with storm damage!

(Scout's honor!)

18. Late Friday afternoon: We closed . . . . whew!!!

19. On Saturday we packed and packed and packed and packed.

20. Then we packed some more!!

21. The movers showed up at 9:00 AM on Sunday.

22. By 10:30 AM, one of the movers collapsed in my front lawn and promptly went into diabetic shock!!!

(No joking here folks!)

23. At 10:31 AM, I called 911!

24. Paramedics and Fire Station showed up and took Mr. "I must have forgotten to take my insulin this morning" to the hospital! His levels were 550 - he hadn't taken his insulin in nearly a week!

(Uh, I hate to seem insensitive, but . . . um, I'm only going to be charged for 4 movers now instead of 5, right?)

25. We kicked it into high gear because our contract said that we had to vacate the house by 5:00 PM.

26. At 4:00 PM, the movers told me that even though the truck was completely packed and ready to go, they couldn't leave be they had accidentally locked their keys in the cargo bay of their truck!!

(When the mover asked me if I had any bolt cutters I actually had to explain to him that ALL OF MY POSSESSIONS were in the same cargo bay his keys were locked in . . . genius!!)

28. 40 minutes later, thanks to a neighbor's sledgehammer, the keys were retrieved.

29. At 4:58 PM, I got in my car and pulled away from my old house for the last time.

(Sniff, sniff! Keep it together, Wade!)

30. And ever since Sunday evening, Kelly and I have been unpacking, unpacking and unpacking.

So, needless to say, things have been so busy around here that I don't even know which why is up! It's been a little crazy!

(See also stressful, exasperating, tense, trying, upsetting, aggravating, anxious, nerve-racking, distraught, frantic, weary, exhausted, wiped out, uptight and just a little on edge.)

PS: The mover was admitted to the hospital and should make a full recovery provided he takes his medicine like he's supposed to!

"So What Do You Do?"

2009-06-02T21:27:00.004-05:00

It's official . . . I can't stand that question any more.

Let me take a moment to tell you why . . .

(Oh, boy! Here he goes again!)

The majority of time, people use that question not so they can learn something new and interesting about another person . . . but instead, people use it so they can know how they should compare themselves to another person.

Case in point: I recently found myself in one of those awkwardly cordial conversations you have with another parent while your two kids clammer over each other at the neighborhood park.

Within the first 30 seconds of said conversation, this other guy throws out, "So what do you do?" And he said it with such a tone that I didn't want to answer him. Because regardless of my job, I knew he would slap some label on my forehead as soon as I told him what I did for a living.

"I make more than him." "He makes more than me." "I'm more important than him." "He's more important than me."

Of all the questions you can ask another guy at the park - How old is your son? What's your son's name? Is he your only child? - the first thing this guy wants to know about me is what I do for a living.

And it's almost insulting to ask someone that question after just meeting them because you're making the assumption that they use their job to define what kind of person they are.

The fact is, maybe only 2% of people have that perfect job that perfectly describes the kind of person they are. While the rest of us may very well have good jobs, we don't define ourselves primarily by what we do for a living - at least, we're not supposed to!

And there are such better questions to ask when you meet someone for the first time - What do you do when you're not working? Where did you grow up? Where did you go to school? Even just the socially awkward phrase, "So . . . uh . . . crazy weather lately, huh?" is a better conversation starter than "What do you do?"

All that being said, I hereby delete that question from my vernacular - I promise never to ask someone what they do for a living.

If it comes up in causal conversation, great! If they want to tell me what they do from 9-5 Monday through Friday, great! But I will never ask the question, "What do you do?" Instead, I'll just have to get creative and find another (and better!) question to ask.

Becasue of all the first impressions I could give someone, the last one I want to give is one of me trying to figure out how I should compare myself to them.

And if anyone should ever ask me what I do for a living, I think I'll answer by saying in all seriousness, "I'm the President of the United States."

. . . . . . . . . . . (awkward silence) . . . . . . . . . .

So . . . . . uh . . . . . crazy weather lately, huh?

__________________________________________________

PS: Other questions that have met my disapproving glare are:

"Ya' know?"

"Huh?" - Also pronouced as "Whaaaaaa?"

"How ya' been?" - Because no one ever really wants to know how you have been.

"Would you like french fries or apple pie with that?" - If I wanted french fries or apple pie, I would have ordered it!

I Actually Learned Something New While Waiting On Hold!

2009-05-23T15:35:00.008-05:00

Waiting on hold is very difficult for me not because I'm impatient (hurry up and get to your point!), but rather because the Yanni rip-off, brain wash music being streamed into my ear usually has me poking myself in the eyes within 30 seconds.

(Yeah, well . . . you have issues, too!)

But I was pleasantly surprised this week while waiting on hold with Hawk Electronics when the "message on hold" was feeding me completely useless but entirely interesting tidbits of information.

I love this kind of info because it's the stuff that you use to amaze your friends with your "wiki-brain" when playing some random trivia game.

For instance, Bluetooth technology (the universal digital language for wireless devices) is named after King Harald "Bluetooth" of Denmark (born 935). King Blue-y is known for uniting Denmark, Norway and Sweden and imposing an universal language in his kingdom.

No kidding? Huh, I did not know that! And who was the clever chap who thought of lending his name to the universal digital language?

I dunno - maybe I'll call Hawk Electronics next week and asked to be placed on hold to learn that little nugget.

But how refreshing it is to come across a company that is brining innovation to its customers even when they're sitting on hold!

Hey American Airlines! Wake up and pay attention!

Cool Thumb Luke

2009-05-13T06:11:00.000-05:00

Not many people can pull off "cool" while sucking their thumb!

Happy Mother's Day!

2009-05-10T21:53:00.009-05:00

I tried to make a cute video with Tate for Kelly for Mother's Day. And it is cute so long as you don't gag from the extreme close-up of Tate chewing his Krispy Kreme doughnut and "eating" his chocolate milk.

(???? . . . it was early and I obviously wasn't completely awake yet!)

But I'll say what Tate can't . . .

Happy Mother's Day, Kelly! You really are the perfect mom for Tate. God knew exactly what he was doing when He placed Tate in your care! Thank you for all that you do for Tate (and me!).

We both love you so much!

10 Years

2009-05-06T23:20:00.003-05:00

Our 10th wedding anniversary was last week. I figured this was the best way to package all those memories into one post.

Love you Babe!

2009 Sam's Club MS85

2009-05-02T21:34:00.011-05:00

Day One of the 2009 Sam's Club is finally in the books.

Here I am at the Start Line with a college friend, Rob.

There were about 4,000 cyclists in this year's event - here are about half of them!

As I mentioned before, I rode this year in honor of my college roommate's wife, Amy, who was diagnosed with MS just last year.

As for the results - not too shabby!

85 miles in 4 hours, 24 minutes with an average speed of 19 mph! That blows away my previous times of only 16.5 mph - so I'm pretty stoked!

Here's the real reason I rode so well today. I pulled into the lunch parking lot and saw this truck handing out ice cream! It gave me the sustenance to carry on!

But more beating my previous time, I also blew away my previous fund raising record as well. During the two previous years, I was only able to raise around $500. But this year, thanks to some very generous friends and family of Amy's, I was able to raise over $2,100 to help fight MS!

And I have to admit that I feel that God blessed this whole endeavor because, for the first time, it wasn't about me and my own personal acheivement but all about Amy and those who suffer from this disease. And because of that, this year's ride really is special to me.

Unfortunately, Day Two is already in the books as canceled due to severe weather! . . . hence the title of this post!

I'm really disappointed! First, the City of Fort Worth made us re-route Day Two because they didn't want the Finish Line downtown because of fears that we'd all get Swine Flu. And now, the National MS Society cancels tomorrow because Pete stinkin' Delkus is predicting rain all morning! You better be right, Delkus!

(Update: It didn't rain a drop! Overcast skies. Temperature in the mid-60's. 5-10 mph wind out of the north that would have made for a perfect tailwind for the last 30 miles. Otherwise known as, A PERFECT DAY FOR CYCLING!!!!! Umph - that's what you get for watching the News! I'm trying not to be bitter!)

Oh well, it was fun and I really enjoyed getting out and stretching my legs! Thank you all for your donations and encouragement! By the way, you can still donate you want - click here!

The FINAL Bird's Nest Update

2009-04-27T22:34:00.004-05:00

Things Kelly Says That Sound Really Funny When Taken Out of Context #2

2009-04-17T06:44:00.000-05:00

"Every body wang chung this week!"

(Is she a child of the 80's or what?)

Wade's Easter Egg Hunt

2009-04-12T16:12:00.004-05:00

Things Kelly Says That Sound Really Funny When Taken Out of Context #1

2009-04-07T23:09:00.004-05:00

"I'm really into Jewish guys named Mordacai!"

(Oy, vay!)

2009 Sam's Club MS150

2009-04-06T21:29:00.011-05:00

It’s the time of year again when I jump on my bike, head out with 4,000 other loonies on two wheels and conquer 150 miles in two days as a part of the Sam’s Club MS150 on May 2-3, 2009 – benefitting the National Multiple Sclerosis Society!

Although this will be my third time to participate in this event, it will be the first time that I do so with a purpose greater than just my own personal achievement. This year, I will be riding with someone very special in mind!

Just last October, Amy Steele Davis (who married one of my closest friends and college roommates) was diagnosed with MS. Amy recently told me in a letter . . .

“By the time I got the diagnosis, the words ‘it is MS’ from my neurologist were not shocking or devastating to me. In fact, they were sort of anticlimactic. MS had been suspected for several weeks, so I was just thankful to finally know for sure.

Reality did set in a couple of days later; however, and I went through a period of severe anxiety as I began to contemplate what the disease would mean for me, my husband, and my two young children.

Several months later, I can say I am doing very well. I get tired a little easier than I'd like, and occasionally my symptoms do flare up. But as I regularly tell people who ask how I'm doing, I just take my injections, try to get a lot of rest, and, as much as possible, try to live life as though I don't have the disease. I find that approach works well for me.

The advancements made by MS researchers over the past several years are absolutely remarkable, and I am very optimistic about the possibilities for the future. My understanding is that a pill form of the medication I'm currently taking is just around the corner. That is very exciting news to me!

I am confident that one day there will be a cure for Multiple Sclerosis. As MS is thought to be a hereditary disease, my primary interest in helping to find a cure is on behalf of my beautiful babies!”

When I think of the hard work involved with training for and completing 150 miles in two days, there’s really no comparison to what millions like Amy have to deal with on a daily basis. I’m more than happy to ride my bicycle for Amy if it can increase awareness and help fund the research that could help find a cure for her and so many others.

I’m writing today to encourage you to support Amy and myself as we face MS head on. Please contribute to our efforts at my personal MS150 webpage. Friends and family on Facebook will be able to track my progress during the event.

Amy and I both thank you for your encouragement and support!

I'm Starting His Training Early!

2009-03-30T21:09:00.007-05:00

He may not know how to draft a peloton or how to keep an aerodynamic tuck . . . but at least I've got Tate looking good on three wheels!

ABC's about Me!

2009-03-28T09:34:00.018-05:00

A
- Available?: Sorry ladies!
- Age: 33 – sometimes I actually have to stop and think about it for a second.
- Annoyance: People driving while talking on the cell phone, people on TV who think they have a clue about the economy, hang nails, and Dallas Cowboy Head Coach Wade Phillips' press conferences.
- Animal: is my favorite Muppet

B
- Birthday: August 25 – FYI, I like iTunes gift cards!
- Body Parts on opposite sex: Kelly’s eyes – especially when she’s smiling.

- Best feeling in the world: contentment and the warm, fuzzy feeling I get when Kelly gives me a hug first thing in the morning
- Blind or Deaf: Actually, both!
- Best weather: Fall, because that means it’s time for some football!
- Been in Love: Going on well over 12 years now!
- Bed size: Anything bigger than a double!

C
- Candy: Hot Tamales, M&M’s, Reese’s PB Cups
- Color: Black if it’s on a car. Red if it’s on a bike. (My bike is both black and red!)
- Chocolate/Vanilla: The best compromise is Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla Ice Cream with Chocolate Magic Shell

- Chinese/Mexican Food: Depends on the restaurant . . .
- Cake or pie: Depends on which kind. Red Velvet Cake and Apple Pie is a tie with me – both serves with Blue Bell, of course!
- Continent to visit: South America
- Chore you hate: Dirty diapers and picking up dog poop - which is pretty much the same thing!

D
- Day or Night: Day
- Dancing in the rain: So long no one is watching ‘cuz I can’t dance!
- Dad’s name: Robert

E
- Eyes: Blue
- Everyone's got: Issues
- Ever failed a class?: Yeah, back in Elementary
- Essential start your day item: Hot shower & Minute Maid Orange Juice

F
- First thoughts waking up: I gotta start going to bed earlier!
- Food: Chips & queso from El Rancho Grande, Cookies & Cream shake from CFA

G
- Greatest Fear: Being mauled by a wild animal
- Goals: Not being mauled by a wild animal
- Gum: Orbitz Bubblegum
- Get along with your parents?: Let’s hope so – I work with my dad!
- Gold or Silver: Silver – unless you’re talkin’ grilz!

H
- Hair Color: Brown – but I was really blonde when I was a kid
- Height: 5’11’’ – I’m the only Strzinek male who didn’t break 6’0”
- Happy: Yes, it’s a daily decision.
- Holiday: Christmas (So long as it doesn’t prematurely start in October!)
- How do you want to die: In a blaze of glory!

I
- Ice Cream: Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla Ice Cream with Chocolate Magic Shell – don’t make me repeat myself again!
- Instruments: So far: Violin, Piano, Drums – Currently: Guitar

J
- Jewelry: Wedding band and my class ring on occasion
- Job: President of clinical research company

K
- Kids: Little Man Tate!

- Kickboxing or karate: Karate – I wanted to be Ralph Macchio when I was a kid
- Keep a journal?: You're reading it!

L
- Love: Why God let his son die for us . . .
- Letter: I used to leave them on Kelly’s car windshield at ACU
- Laughed so hard you cried: For The Birds by Pixar, Little Miss Sunshine, the early seasons of The Office
- Living Arrangement: 2 roommates – one of which never picks up after himself!

M
- Movies: I only recognize Episodes IV-VI – George Lucas should have quit when he was ahead!
- Motion sickness?: Only once – but that was because I had sustained a major brain contusion from a head injury.
- McD's or BK?: CFA!

- Mom’s Name: Judy

N
- Number: 25
- Nicknames: “Strz”, “Spaz”, “Hey Man!” (used mostly by people who can’t remember my name)

O
- One wish: 6 winning numbers

P
- Pepsi/Coke: Dr. Pepper - too bad I don’t drink cokes anymore!
- Perfect Pizza: Supreme from i Fratelli’s
- Piercings: No, I fear needles.
- Pet Peeves: Really long "fill in the blank" posts about people's personalities . . . oh, wait!

Q
- Quail: Favorite type of hunting
- Quotes you like: “There’s no limit to what you can learn or how much better you can become, as long as you keep reading, listening, and searching for wisdom.” (Matt Pollitt, President, PTE Golf)

R
- Reason to cry: People giving their life to Christ.
- Reality T.V.: Burnt out – but I will watch my first complete American Idol season this year.
- Radio Station: "Mama says you listen 1310 The Ticket - hee, hee!"

- Roll your tongue in a circle: Yes, but I don’t get why that’s such a big deal . . .
- Right or left handed: I’m a southpaw, baby!

S
- Song: Anything by these guys . . .

- Shoe size: 10
- Salad Dressing: Ranch, unless I’m at Silver Fox. The vinaigrette on their III Forks salad is just sick!
- Sushi: Sick! But in a totally different way from Silver Fox’s vinaigrette!
- Skinny dipped: Wouldn’t you like to know!
- In the shower?: OK, fine! I go skinny dipping in the shower ALL THE TIME!!!
- Strawberries/Blueberries: Oh how I miss Harrigan’s blueberry muffins!
-Siblings: 1 brother, 1 sister

T
- Tattoos?: I still fear needles - though I had a temporary once. My dad still freaked out.
- Time for bed: Every night I tell myself 10 PM but I usually never go down until close to Midnight
- Time you wake up: 6 AM
- Thunderstorms: I do my best sleeping during thunderstorms!

U
- Unpredictable: Yes, on a pretty consistant basis, too!

V
- Vacation spot(s): Kelly and I are driving the PCH next month for our 10-year anniversary!
-Vegetables you dislike: Too many to list!

W
- Weakness: How many times do I have to tell you?? Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla Ice Cream with Chocolate Magic Shell . . . shesh!
- Which one of your friends acts the most like you: Brian D., but he probably wouldn’t take that as a compliment!
- Worst feeling: Miscarriages sucks!
- Wanted to be a model: No, I because I eat too much Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla Ice Cream with Chocolate Magic Shell!
- Weather?: The best cycling weather is in the mid-60’s with wind out of the south at 5-7 mph! Kinda like it was last year in Little Rock!

X
- X-Rays: Sure, CT Scans and MRI’s, too!

Y
-Year it is now: What is this, a sobriety test?
-Yellow: Submarine
-Yummy food you make: Anything on my grill!

Z-
-Zoo animals: smell like Tate’s dirty diapers!
-Zodiac: Virgo

Kinky Kermit!

2009-03-22T14:56:00.007-05:00

Kelly had an interesting question for me when she returned from the grocery store the other night.

Kelly: “Is it mating season for frogs right now?”

(She was totally serious!)

Me: “. . . . . . . . [crickets chirping] . . . . . .”

Kelly: “I couldn’t believe how many frogs were on the road tonight!”

Me: “And they were doing it in the road?”

(And yes, as a true Beatles fan, I was already singing ‘Why Don’t We Do It in the Road?’ in my mind!)

Kelly: “No! They weren’t ‘doing it in the road’!”

(She said that with a tone as if it were really immature of me to even ask such a childish question!)

Me: “Then what makes you think it may be frog mating season?”

Kelly: “Because . . . . they were everywhere!”

I love my wife’s observations on nature!

Flying the (Ahem!) Friendly Skies!

2009-03-11T06:30:00.005-05:00

It's interesting to notice the different personalities you find on a commercial airplane.

Take the idiosyncrasies, personality quirks, and social anxieties of a couple hundred people and cram them all into the personal-space-defying, flying sardine can also known as a MD-80 and you'll have a case study that could well define our society today!

I always seem to first notice the infrequent “What do you mean I have to put all my liquids in a zip lock bag” flyer at the security check-point. It’s hard not to notice someone who has no clue what’s going on. I once watched a woman try to argue that the TSA agent couldn’t confiscate her 20 oz bottle of shampoo because she “paid $50 bucks for it!” Hey lady, this has only been a rule for nearly 7 years – get with the program!

Next I always notice the “My frequent flyer status is higher than your status” guy just moments before boarding begins – which is when he stands in front of everyone else waiting to board because he knows the Double-Super-Gold-Plated-Platinum-With-Sapphire-Diamonds AAdvantage flyers get to board before the rest of us peons!

Shortly thereafter, the “I don’t fly much but I’m still important because I’m ‘flying on business’” guy appears. This is the guy who holds up the entire boarding process because he’s going to argue with the boarding agent that his garmet bag (which is over-packed to the point that it can’t even fold in half) can somehow fit easily in the overhead compartment.

Hey pal, if you have traveled near as much as you think you have then you would already know that the overhead compartment is barely big enough to hold your over-sized noise-cancelling headphones much less than the 5 days worth of crap you packed for a 2-day trip! Pay the extra $25 to check your bag and stop wasting everyone’s time!

Once we’re airborne, I always notice the “Rules don’t apply to me so I’m going to keep listening my iPod even though FAA regulations say that I must turn off all electronics during take-off and landing” guy.

This guy is the most selfish of them all. If he were to google this issue on his iPhone then he’d learn that electronics create static that often interfere with communications between pilots and Air Traffic Control. But since he can’t do without his precious Coldplay for a whole 10 minutes during take-off and landing, he just ignores federal regulations and puts the whole flight in jeopardy!

And which personality-type do I fill? I’m the guy across the aisle who is doing all that he can not to press the flight attendant call button and bust the other guy for having for not following the rules like the rest of us! He drives me NUTS, this guy!

Hey iPal, should the plane go into a spiraling nose dive because of your stupid iTouch then just know that the over-stuffed garmet bag that just knocked you half unconscious didn’t just accidentally fall out of the overhead compartment - I deliberately threw it at you!

Other personalities to keep an eye out for are:

The “I’m going to make everyone on my aisle get up 4 times during the flight to let me go to the lavatory because I just drank a 36 oz bottle of water” guy.

The “I’M GOING TO TALK EXTREMELY LOUD BECAUSE I’M WEARING NOISE-CANCELLING HEADPHONES” guy.

The “Did you look at my computer screen!?! Why are you looking at my computer screen!?!” guy.

The “I have every right to recline my seat so I’m going to lean back forcefully and unexpectedly and split your knee caps in half” guy.

Ah, what fun it is to fly the friendly skies!

Kelly-ism #18

2009-02-28T10:52:00.005-06:00

In an effort to avoid any confusion, let me clearly restate that I am a guy. And because of this fact, it should be well understood that I have no working knowledge of women’s fashion. You would think that after nearly 10 years of marriage my sweet, loving wife would know this already. However she recently walked into the room wearing a new pair of black shoes for her black dress and asked:

“Do these shoes go with this dress?”

(Side note: Kelly already has some 20 pairs of black shoes in her closet – all of which would perfectly match a black dress.)

Here’s what the typical guy thinks in his head before answering this question:

“WHAT???? She bought another pair of black shoes???? Uh-oh! She’s looking – quick, come up with something to say. Black shoes. Black dress. Black equals black. So . . . . . yes, those shoes go with that dress.”

When I told Kelly that her black shoes did indeed match her black dress (just like all the other black shoes in her closet), she began explaining something about “open toe” versus “closed toe” and my brain immediately began to hurt.

But before I had a chance to go lie down, Kelly returned to proudly present a new purse she had bought by saying:

“Also, I had to get this new purse so I wouldn’t have to get a new dress.”

Let me make sure I understand this right . . . she bought a new purse so she wouldn’t have to buy a new dress . . . . ???

I just stood there completely speechless and defeated by the realization that I don’t understand women’s fashion (or women’s logic) one iota!

But having said that – if I were to apply Kelly’s fashion logic to myself, I should then be able to buy myself a new pair of Sidi Genius 6.6 Carbon cycling shoes so that I don’t have to buy myself a new bike!

Hey, I think I like women’s fashion after all!

I Did It!

2009-02-22T21:24:00.003-06:00

I want to begin tonight by thanking everyone who made this day possible for me.

(Cue the music!)

My wonderful wife. My adoring son. My golden retriever who daily struggles with co-dependency and submissive-wetting issues. All my friends, family and people who just now stumbled across this blog only because of completely random Google searches.

I didn’t think today would ever happen for me. And now that it’s here, none of you will know just how often I found myself willing to jump off the wagon once again. But you believed in me and now I can say . . .

I have gone 365 straight days without ever once partaking so much as a single sip of a carbonated beverage – including Dr. Pepper, the sweet nectar of the gods!

My personal struggle has been difficult to bear. In the beginning, the headaches and the temptation nearly overpowered me. But now I can bask in the glow of personal achievement!

I’ve been thinking lately of how I might celebrate such a momentous occasion. Pop open a can of fizzy sugar water for ol’ time’s sake? Pick another item to move from my daily menu to my “banned and forbidden” list?

Probably neither. Instead I’ll just remind myself that there’s no habit or behavior that I couldn’t quit cold turkey so long as it was something that I really wanted to do. At some point, I just have to get sick of doing whatever it is I’m doing and tell myself, “Never again.”

If I let them, those can be very powerful words.

(And no! I will never ever give up Blue Bell and Magic Shell! To even suggest such a thing is to blaspheme!)

The Real Reason Why the Switch to the Digital TV Signal was Postponed

2009-02-18T06:58:00.000-06:00

Oh yeah! I have a blog!

2009-02-15T21:35:00.002-06:00

I’m sorry to admit that my blog has fallen down my list of priorities as of late.

The new job is great but I come home with my head spinning so much that I haven’t had the mental capacity to create a coherent thought for the blogosphere.

I’ll try to do better . . .

I flew out to San Francisco with my dad a couple weeks ago to talk with a pharmaceutical company about doing clinical trials for them.

Knowing my family the way I do, I kept my guard up while expecting a “Griswald moment” to strike at anytime. It seems like every time my dad flies he gets interrogated by TSA agents as if he’s suspected of being some traveling Afghan chieftain with secret ties to the Taliban.

But actually the moment of note came mid-flight around 28,000 feet. I had my iPod rocking and I was hyperfocused on my book when I was tapped on the arm by the lady sitting next to me.

Lady: “Excuse me, are you familiar with this flight pattern?”

Me: “Uh . . . what do you mean by familiar with this flight pattern?”

She pointed out the window, “Well, we’re flying over snow – are we supposed to be flying over snow?”

Me: “ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .”

Lady: “Do you think we should be flying over snow?”

Me: “Uh . . . . well, I’m fairly confident the pilot knows where he’s going.”

I spent the rest of the flight watching her out of the corner of my eye and thinking what an odd question that was to ask someone.

I couldn’t believe my eyes the next day when I saw the same woman sitting behind me in my meeting. I was tempted to walk up to her during one of the breaks, point to the floor and ask, “Excuse me, are you familiar with this carpet pattern?”

Next month is Orlando. Is anyone out there familiar with the commercial flight patterns between D/FW and Orlando, Florida?

You know, just in case I see Crazy Question Lady again.

Wade & Tate's Weekend O' Fun! (Part I)

2009-01-30T21:28:00.007-06:00

Kelly took a spur-of-the-moment trip down to San Antonio for some much-deserved "Kelly Time" with her friend Garyn, who's about to move far, far away to Atlanta.

(We'll miss you Garyn & Zach! Sniff, sniff!)

So that means it's just the boys this weekend! Hmmmm, I wonder what we can do.

The car show is in town. There's indoor swimming at Keller Pointe. Krispy Kremes for Sunday breakfast. And don't forget the big game on Sunday whose name I can't mention due to rediculous trademark restrictions!

(Super Bowl, Super Bowl, Super Bowl! There, I said it! So sue me NFL!!!!)

So first things first! Tate and I reved up the testosterone to 7500 rpm at the Fort Worth Auto Show!

It seems that Tate has great taste - his favorite is this Audi R8! The MSRP is only a mere $118,000! Get a job, kid!

Or we can scale it back a bit and just go with this Smart Car for only $16,500*!

(*Energetic High School Musical-quoting niece not included)

But did I buy myself a new car? Well, let's just say that the night definitely ended with me spending a lot of money . . . though all of it Monopoly money that I spent in my "happy place"!

Sigh . . . one day!

25 Random Things

2009-01-28T21:15:00.003-06:00

For those of you on Facebook, you've seen this going around and know what's about.

For those of you not on Facebook, I got tagged to list 25 random things about myself.

1. Even though Dr. Pepper is the preferred “drink of the gods”, I haven’t had a sip of the sweet nectar of life (or any other carbonated drink) in over 10 months!

2. And because of that I now weigh less than 180 lbs – which is a first for me in I don’t know how long!

3. 177 lbs is the lightest I’ve ever weighed at the beginning of cycling season – time to break my personal record for top speed! (Which is over 40 mph! Downhill, wind at my back, peloton of 25 cyclists, and adrenaline rush off the scale! Shhhh, don’t tell Kelly!)

4. I can’t wait for cycling season to start!

5. I rank restaurants solely by how good their bread is . . . and if they have good desserts.

6. My favorite restaurant bread used to be Harrigan’s cheese rolls. Now, it’s Babe’s Chicken hot biscuits with honey!

7. My favorite restaurant dessert is Truluck’s Chocolate Malt Cake & Ice Cream! Kelly and I always share one between the two of us. But no matter how much we eat, we can rarely ever finish it!

8. My favorite activity to do with Tate is to take him to Krispy Kremes on Sunday mornings – we don’t talk much because we’re too busy stuffing our faces!

9. My favorite activity to do with Kelly is to have a nice long conversation over dinner in a great restaurant . . . sans child!

10. 6 of my first 10 random things have all mentioned food – I guess I’m hungry!

11. I don’t want to talk about the Cowboys so it’s probably best you don’t bring them up.

12. . . . those bunch of no-good, gutless loafers!

13. I seriously hope President Obama will be as successful as everyone thinks he will be.

14. I seriously hope I am as successful at my new job as everyone thinks I will be.

15. Speaking of my new job, I’ve been praying for wisdom a lot lately . . . a whole lotta prayin’ for a whole lotta wisdom!

16. I wish I could set aside an hour every morning to do nothing but read. I’m able to read for about 30 minutes at work before the day gets started but it’s not as much as I want. And I can’t read at night because it puts me to sleep.

17. I always get bit by the snow skiing bug this time of year – Man, I wanna hit the slopes!

18. I need to finish defensive driving before sometime in March or else a judge in the City of Fort Worth will be none too happy with me!

19. Kelly and I have already decided that we will go see U2 if they come to town on tour after releasing their new album this spring – Man, I hope they come to town!

20. I always have a pen in my hand when Rick Atchley speaks because he always says something I want to remember.

21. Even though I consider myself quite the “techie junkie” (Did I mention that I just switched out Kelly’s laptop memory card all by myself?), I still can’t figure out how to work the thermostats in our house . . . and we have lived here for over 5 years!

22. Now that I have a desk job where I work alongside other people, the biggest challenge I have encountered thus far has been “thermostat wars”. It’s me, 14 women and one thermostat. Needless to say, it always feels a skosh warmer than I’d prefer.

23. I’ve always thought that Marble Slab Ice Cream was decidedly better than Cold Stone Creamery but neither are as good as Milwaukee Joe’s Ice Cream. (Blue Bell doesn’t count because it’s store bought ice cream!)

24. Duhon reminded me of this one: When Tate was born, Kelly went out and got a really frilly diaper bag that I was afraid could be mistaken for a purse on days when I had Tate by myself. So I went out and bought a diaper bag that looks more like a testosterone-packed messenger bag so people wouldn't think I was carrying a “man-purse”. I still use my DiaperDude even though Tate has pretty much grown out of the diaper bag phase.

25. One of my worst OCD tendencies is the one where I can’t fall asleep if the sheets and covers on the bed aren’t properly tucked in. I’d explain what I mean by “properly tucked in” but this post is long enough already as it is. But let’s just say that I have been known to momentarily kick Kelly out of bed as late as 11:30 at night just so that I can properly tuck in the sheets.

Alright then . . . tag, you're it!

Just One of the Perks to My New Job . . .

2009-01-22T17:00:00.004-06:00

I decide what goes on the message board!

(No, I'm not still bitter or anything!)

Busted!

2009-01-19T21:10:00.003-06:00

You may remember the "year in review" video I did after Tate’s birthday last month.

I noticed a couple weeks ago that it was suddenly missing from my Facebook video file. Not knowing what had happened, I had intended to reload it. But before I got around to it, I got this notice directly from Mr. Facebook himself . . .
______________________________________

Hello,

We have removed your video entitled "Tate Turns Two!" uploaded at 8:06pm December 13th, 2008. We did this because we learned that your video might include copyrighted material owned by a third party, such as a video clip or background audio.

(They're are referring to the background song Upside Down by Jack Johnson. Oh whoops! I just typed out his name! Am I allowed to do that or is typing his name copyrighted too?)

If you are the copyright owner, or have permission from the rights holder to upload and distribute this material on Facebook, you may file a counter notice of alleged infringement by following the link below.

Please note that if you re-upload this video without filing a counter notice, or if you upload another video that infringes on the rights of a third party, our system will again remove the content . This could cause your access to the Facebook Video application to be disabled, or your Facebook account to be disabled.
_____________________________________

In other words, the email says:

Blah, blah, blah You can't show your really cool video of your really cute son. Blah, blah, We're the fun police blah, blah! Stop having fun! Blah, blah!

Whatever! The video is still posted on my blog! You know, the blog where people are allowed to have fun!!!

Speaking of which, click here to watch Tate Turns Two!

Ooooo, take that Facebook!

And the winner is . . .

2009-01-16T20:51:00.003-06:00

. . . Tara by a landslide!

OK, then . . . I guess this will be my one and only Name That Tune bit.

Oh well. The answers are below for those of you who remain befuddled.

Name That Tune

2009-01-12T22:38:00.004-06:00

Here's a bit I stole off of Jeremy H's Facebook page - I took a few liberties in tweaking it!

The Rules:

1. Set your MP3 player to Random and press play.
2. Copy down the first line of the first 37 songs that come up.
3. Laugh out loud as your befuddled friend try to guess the name of each song and the group who sings it.

The prize for the most correct answers: My everlasting respect and admiration.

Have fun!

1. She was more like a beauty queen from a movie scene

Billy Jean by Michael Jackson

2. I met you before the fall of Rome.

It's All Been Done by Barenaked Ladies

3. Happy with no teeth, happy here in hibernation

Back Porch by Presidents of the United States of America

4. The heart is a bloom, shoots up through the stony ground

Beautiful Day by U2

5. Do you have a dime to listen to me whine

Basket Case by Green Day

6. When I was young I knew everything, and she a punk who rarely ever took advice

The Freshmen by The Verve Pipe

7. Blue jean baby, L.A. lady, seamstress for the band

Tiny Dancer by Elton John

8. Where it begins, I can’t begin to knowing

Sweet Caroline by Neil Diamond

9. How long, how long will I slide?

Otherside by Red Hot Chili Peppers

10. She’s driving away with the dim lights on

Let's Go by The Cars

11. All around the world statues crumble for me

Fly by Sugar Ray

12. This is how it seems to me, life if only therapy

You Move Me by Susan Ashton (or Garth Brooks, don't know who covered who)

13. Flew in from Miami Beach BOAC, didn't get to bed last night

Back in the USSR by The Beatles

14. She is trapped inside a month of grey

Mercury by Counting Crows

15. Alone, listless, breakfast table in an otherwise empty room

Daughter by Pearl Jam

16. Once there was a way to get back homeward

Golden Slumbers by The Beatles

17. Hello darkness my old friend, I’ve come to talk to you again

Sound of Silence by Simon & Garfunkel

18. Waiting for the break of day, searching for something to say

25 or 6 to Go by Chicago

19. Though I've tried before to tell her of the feelings I have for her in my heart

Every Little Thing She Does is Magic by The Police

20. Confutatis maledictis, Flammis acribus addictis, Voca me cum benedictus.

Requiem: Confutatis by WA Mozart

21. You say forever and I confess a shiver

Away by The Toadies

22. That young boy without a name anywhere I’d know his face

What's The Matter Here by 10,000 Maniacs

23. Now here I am again in this mean old town

So Far Away by Dire Straits

24. She grew up with the children of the stars in the Hollywood hills and boulevards

Lullaby by Shaun Mullins

25. Friday night I crashed your party, Saturday I said I’m sorry

You May Be Right by Billy Joel

26. You ask me if there'll come a time when I won't require you

Never My Love by The Association

27. Leaves are falling all around it is time I was on my way

Ramble On by Led Zeppelin

28. Cheat the odds that made you, brave to try to gamble at times

Jealous Again by The Black Crowes

29. You belong among the wildflowers, you belong in a boat out at sea

Wildflowers by Tom Petty

30. I keep a close watch on this heart of mine, I keep my eyes wide open all the time

I Walk The Line by Johnny Cash

31. Half a mile from the county fair and the rain keep pourin’ down

And It Stoned Me by Van Morrison

32. One time one thing occurred to me, what’s real and what’s for sale

Vasoline by Stone Temple Pilots

33. You cannot quit me so quickly, is no hope in you for me

Space Between by Dave Matthew's Band

34. Lonely feeling deep inside, find a corner where I can hide

No Sugar Tonight by The Guess Who

35. I'm a new soul, I came to this strange world hoping I could learn a bit 'bout how to give and take

New Soul by Yael Naim

36. Imagine me and you, I do, I think about you day and night

Happy Together by The Turtles

37. Now here’s a little story I’m about to tell about three bad brotha’s you know so well

Paul Revere by The Beastie Boys

Let me know if you use this idea on your blog and I'll play along - Thanks for the idea Jeremy!

Tate-ism #17

2009-01-08T12:01:00.005-06:00

We have entered a new phase with Tate. It's the "Be very careful what you say because Tate is listening and you'd be surprised how much he understands" Phase.

(Man, they've got to find a shorter name for this phase!)

Anyway, I was woken up the other morning by my 2-year old's soothing and angelic voice coming through the baby monitor.

"Wade! Wade! Basketball! . . . . Wade? WAAAAAAADE!!!!!! . . . Basketball please!"

I just turned and looked at my half-sleeping wife as if somehow she were the one who taught him that . . . and then I got out of bed and played basketball with my son at 7:15 in the morning.

It's Time for a Change

2009-01-05T11:00:00.002-06:00

This post is literally over 4 years in the making so bear with me - I have a lot to say today.

There’s a long and winding road of events that have lead me here. I’ll spare you the gory details and go instead with the short and sweet version: Earlier this morning, I resigned from my job as a pharmaceutical sales rep. Next week, I will officially take over as President of my dad’s clinical research company.

Instead of selling drugs, I will now be involved in the research and development of drugs!

(That thump you just heard was my 4^th Grade Science teacher falling out of her chair! Let’s just say my science project didn’t quite leave the impression that I would one day be running a full scale clinical research organization!)

This company was created on paper about 10 years ago when my dad began conducting clinical trials in order to bring in a little extra revenue for his family medicine practice. Now it has successfully grown well beyond what any one person can manage.

During that time, I was enjoying my job as a “legal” drug dealer, but I had always dreamt of stepping out and doing something on my own. This opportunity will provide that for me while giving my Dad the time to focus just on medicine and research, while I will focus on . . . well . . . everything else!

(Thump, thump, thump! . . . Uh oh! There went all of my College of Business professors at ACU!)

Kelly and I are excited about this opportunity and thankful for God’s continued provision. It’s both exciting and terrifying at the same time – mostly because we have absolutely no idea where it will lead. But we do know that we have both prayed for this for a very long time – so to me, it is no accident that we have suddenly found ourselves along this path.

2009 will be an interesting year for us, to say the least! One thing is for sure, taking over the family business will give plenty to rant about!

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-24T06:18:00.001-06:00

Here's a retread of the kids-with-Santa post I did last year - well worth the revisit. Take a close look at the last kid - he may look familiar to you.
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Ah, yes! The annual trip to the local shopping center to sit in Santa's lap and share with him all the things a little boy or girl could possibly dream of for Christmas morning! No doubt this experience is the highlight of every child's Christmas season!

That is unless you get stuck with some creepy-lookin' Chris Cringle! You'd be crying too if you heard what this Santa had just whispered in their ears!

Ever wanted to know how Santa really felt about his gig at the mall? Just take a closer look at Santa's left hand!

Although her two little brothers were unaware, Jessica suspected something was up when she realized this year's Santa was really just a mannequin the mall had borrowed from Macy's.

Santa will have one of two effects on most children. One child will glow with Christmas joy while another will experience fear itself - especially if Santa is wearing make-up!

While most older children delight in telling their siblings that there really is no Santa Claus, Mary chose this moment to instead tell Jeffrey that he was really a girl and Susan that she had actually been adopted from a family of coneheads!

The twins agree - vertical stripes do nothing to slim Santa's figure.

Some kids like to show how tough they are by shaving their hair into a mohawk while wearing skull & bones t-shirts with camo pants. But we all know that Santa's lap is the real litmus test for true toughness!

Have you ever seen a Santa mail it in any worse than this guy? Of course she's screaming! I bet he waited until mid-October before he even started growing out his beard!

The first thing they teach you in Shopping Mall Santa Class is that screaming children aren't near as bad after your 4th Crown & Coke!

And finally, Tate shows us how easy it is to keep your composure when you just keep repeating to yourself, "Calm, cool, and collected! Calm, cool, and collected!"

Actually, Tate wasn't afraid of Santa - he was perturbed at the 3 little elves with nerve-wracking noise makers trying to get him to smile!

Hope you don't have anything to scream about during your holidays!

Audra's 25 Christmas Questions

2008-12-21T16:55:00.005-06:00

Audra has a great set of Christmas questions on her blog - I thought I'd write in my own responses. The post with her questions & answers is now buried beneath a stack of cute baby pictures of Drew . . . so you'll probably never get to her Christmas question post.

Enjoy!

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags?

I’d wrap presents more often if the wrapping paper had built-in tape like diapers do – that would be awesome!!

2. Real tree or Artificial?

See here.

3. When do you put up the tree?

ASAP after Thanksgiving. Tate’s birthday is the first week of December so if we don’t get our tree up quick then it will never go up.

4. When do you take the tree down?

It’s Kelly’s job to take the ornaments off so I have to wait until she finishes with that first. Usually it’s down pretty quick after New Year’s . . . but there was that one year when it was practically Valentine’s Day before the tree was back in the attic!

5. Do you like eggnog?

No, I'm allergic to nog.

6. Favorite gift received as a child?

• My dog Bonkers – who was appropriately named.
• My Mellinium Falcon – It helped establish my adolescent coolness because I was the only kid in my neighborhood to have one . . . at least until Jeff, a kid down the street, got one for his birthday the following January . . . jealous!

7. Hardest person to buy for?

Kelly is not the hardest person to buy for but she can tricky sometimes. Some years she gives me a list, other years she just drops hints. I’m much better with lists than I am with hints.

This year is a list year, thank goodness!

8. Easiest person to buy for?

Me, of course!

9. Do you have a nativity scene?

Yes, doesn’t everybody?

10. Mail or email Christmas cards?

Christmas Cards. I’m better with pictures than I am with words.

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received?

A family member gave me Mickey Mouse suspenders one year. I might have enjoyed them but I was in the 6th Grade and had already become self-conscious about my social status among my peers.

I got the suspenders from the same person who, only the previous year, scored big when they gave me a Jose Canseco and a Mark Maguire rookie card! How do you go from Canseco-Maguire rookie cards one year to Mickey Mouse suspenders the next???

12. Favorite Christmas Movie?

Christmas Vacation – why even ask?

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas?

Usually the week of.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present?

Yeah, if you count tossing a brand new pair of Mickey Mouse suspenders in a Goodwill Store collection bin.

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?

Blue Bell & Magic Shell

(You should have known I was going to say that!)

16. Lights on the tree? Is there an option?

I’m with Audra – white lights and lots of them.

17. Favorite Christmas song?

(Click Play to start)

I like the Barenaked Ladies' version of God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen . . . otherwise, I like the Mute button. Sorry, Christmas music makes me loony!

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home?

There’s no place like home!

19. Can you name all of Santa’s reindeer?

Yes.

20. Angel on the tree top or a star?

Whichever doesn’t scrape the ceiling.

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning?

Both. We got our normal presents on Christmas morning but my parents gave us “The Spirit of Christmas” gifts on Christmas Eve. They were the presents that they wanted to give us - meaning, these gifts weren't on our Christmas lists.

Which usually meant you were pretty disappointed as a kid if you were expecting a toy. But now I love those gifts because they’re usually special and well thought out – except for the year we all got house shoes. Apparently my mom couldn’t think of anything unique or special that year! But hey, at least they kept our feet warm on our cold concrete floors!

22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year?

Don’t get me started! I don’t mind playing the scrooge this time of year because I think most of our society has totally missed the point of Christmas. Audra said it well on her post.

Rick Atchley also said it well from the pulpit this weekend [paraphrase mine], “Even Christians become so consumed in celebrating baby Jesus that they forget that the only reason he was born in the first place was so that he could eventually die for us on the cross!” Meanwhile, we all just sit around admire the stack of gift cards we've piled up over the holidays.

Other than that, I love this time of year!

23. Favorite ornament theme or color?

Pass!

24. Favorite for Christmas dinner?

You can’t go wrong with the standards – turkey, ham, stuffing . . . and . . . oh! Blue Bell & Magic Shell!

25. What do you want for Christmas this year?

This year, all I want is for it to be January – and not for the reasons you think!

. . . more on that later!

Kelly-ism #17

2008-12-19T23:24:00.007-06:00

Last weekend, my awe-inspiring wife completed her 2nd White Rock Half Marathon.

For her effort, she was given a medal, a really cool New Balance workout shirt, and a really big blister on the bottom of her foot!

Since then, I think she was trying to garner sympathy because she kept propping her foot up for me to see her blister - each time sending me into violent convulsions since I'm a little squeamish with those sort of things.

Kelly finally got tired of my dramatics and exclaimed, "Love me - love my blister!"

I'm still trying to think of a response!

(Read here for an explanation to why the name above Kelly's number is Tara!)

Little Man Tate Turns Two!

2008-12-13T21:50:00.005-06:00

It has been as busy here as it has been for everyone else so it took me a while to put this together.

Happy Birthday, Buddy Boy!

Orange Infused Water?????

2008-12-10T13:01:00.003-06:00

I noticed this placard on the refreshments table while attending a conference in Orlando this week. You'll have to look closely to read what it says - the almighty iPhone doesn't have a flash.

Orange infused water?

Oh pa-lease! What's wrong with just calling it what it is? Water with orange slices!

I decided against the organge infusion and just got ice infused water instead!

Real vs. Artificial . . . No Contest!

2008-12-03T20:32:00.010-06:00

I can't believe it's that time of year when I, yet again, pull out my slam dunk argument in favor of artificial trees over real trees.

But first, let's take time to 'ooooo' and 'ahhhh' at Kelly's gift for holiday decor . . . .

Now on to my list of con's against real Christmas trees:

1. In order to get a real tree, you have to drive to a tree lot, fight for a parking space, lay claim to the most non-odd looking tree, haggle over the price of said-non-odd-looking-tree with some guy who has a Marlboro hanging out of the corner of his mouth, strap said-oddity to the roof of your car, admire the affinity between tree sap and the roof of your car, and drive home at a snail's pace so the wind doesn't strip all the needles off of your over-priced drendologic freak of nature.

(Previous paragraph summed up in one word: Beating!!!)

2. Finally finish 2 hours of stringing lights, hanging ornaments and balancing a tree topper on your now needle-stripped tree only to have your wife come in and say in a very unimpressed tone, "It's still leaning too far to the right!" . . . you decide against pointing out to her that it leaned a little to the right even in the forest before it was cut down.

(Smart move!)

3. A week later, you causually walk through the living room and notice your real tree going up in flames because it caught fire from the Christmas lights after you forgot to keep it watered!

4. You spend Christmas morning trying to convience your 5-year old how cool it is to be the only girl in school who has Melted Barbie.

5. Once Christmas is over, you pay a $250 ticket because your tree-hugging neighbors caught you dumping your real tree at the park and turned you in to the police.

Wow, sounds like a merry little migraine if you ask me!

Now the list of pro's for an artificial tree:

1. You bring your artificial Christmas tree down from your attic - perhaps you may need to enlist the help of your neighbor . . . the one who has a Marlboro hanging out of the corner of his mouth.

2. You spend only 45 minutes setting up artificial tree perfectly straight in its stand, plugging in pre-hung lights (man's greatest invention, by the way), and hanging ornaments.

3. You spend the rest of the holidays doing things like watching your neighbor haul his charred real tree to the curb after it BBQ'ed his Christmas. He looks up just in time see the smirk on your face from knowing that your artificial tree is fire-retardant.

4. Instead of consoling your family who is distraught over gifts of Melted Barbie and warped gift cards on Christmas morning, you instead enjoy countless hours reading instruction manuals and searching for another pack of AA batteries . . . actually both of these may be con's!

5. You spend all of 30 minutes after Christmas taking down your artificial tree and putting it back in the attic . . . with or without help from Mr. Three-Packs-A-Day!

6. Finally, You later sleep with a good conscience knowing that, because you didn't purchase a real tree for Christmas, you have single-handedly curbed global warming!

Once again, I rest my case!

Wade vs. Big, Fat Squirrel

2008-11-28T22:17:00.004-06:00

We spent Thanksgiving Day doing those typical time-honored Thanksgiving traditions. Eating turkey. Watching football. Going to the zoo.

(Excuse me, did you just say 'going to the zoo'?)

Yeah, we figured a house full of kids wouldn't stand the whole day so Kelly came up with the idea of going to the zoo. The great thing about going to the zoo on Thanksgiving Day is that there are only about 4 other people there as well . . . I love my genius wife!

One would think the highlight of a day at the zoo would be the baby lion cubs, the white tiger, the penguins or even the poop-hurling monkeys who apparently don't throw poop on Thanksgiving. But the highlight was actually a fearless squirrel who, quite literally, had gotten fat off of stealing scraps from picnic tables!

He started off cute and cuddly, which is probably his strategy most of the time. But as you can see in the video he quickly wore out his welcome. Darn little thing wouldn't leave us alone!! He kept jumping up on the table trying to snatch a snack! I was about two minutes from grabbing Tate's stroller and turning that rabies-carrying rodent into road kill!

What you don't see in the video is that Big, Fat Squirrel and I battled in a final climatic light saber duel - it ended in a draw!

I'll be better prepared for him next year, the little fat rat!

Transcript of An Actual Wendy's Drive-Thru Discussion

2008-11-25T16:57:00.006-06:00

Me: "Hi, what size is your small Frosty?"

Male voice: "It's pretty small . . ."

Me: ". . . no kidding? How small exactly - how many ounces does it have?"

Male voice: "Um . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . "

Female voice: "It's 8 ounces."

Me: "OK. How big is your next size up?"

Male voice: "Our next size up is a medium."

Me: " . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . no kidding?"

Female voice: "Our next size up is 16 ounces."

Me: "Great! Let's go with a 16-ounce medium Frosty."

Male voice: "Would like fries with that?"

Me: (Joking) "How big is your medium fries?"

Male voice: "Um . . . . . . . ."

Me: "NEVER MIND!!"

Kelly-ism #16

2008-11-19T21:23:00.001-06:00

Kelly and I had a quick budget pow-wow the other night. This was part of our conversation:

Kelly: "And we also need to pay Tate's kryptonite charge."

Me: "Tate's huh????"

Kelly: "You know, that kryptonite thing for Tate . . . "

(I give her a look of complete, utter confusion)

Me: "Are you talking about the cryogenics storage charge for his cord blood?"

Kelly: "Yeah!"

Me: "Oh dear Lord! . . . . Kelly-ism!"

______________________________________

FYI, a cyrogenic lab charges us to store Tate's frozen cord blood in case he should ever need it in the future.

Kryptonite is the metal that robs Superman of this strength!

What Goes Around, Comes Around!

2008-11-17T22:53:00.005-06:00

Deep inside, I knew this moment would eventually come. It wasn’t a matter of if but a matter of when – especially considering all the destruction I caused while growing up.

There was the time when I played tackle football with a friend inside the house. My “Hail Mary” pass sailed over the couch (which was the designated end zone) and split my mom’s crystal candlesticks like an extra point attempt splits the uprights.

Her ensuing rage was justified seeing how the rarely-used-but-now-shattered candlesticks were a wedding gift. And suggesting that Elmer’s glue may possibly provide a quick fix didn’t do much to calm her down either.

Another time, I had the great idea of writing a poem to my mom on her bathroom mirror – perhaps I was still feeling guilty about the candlesticks.

I was a bit surprised how unimpressed she was with my resourcefulness of using every lipstick and make-up pencil I could find in her drawer as writing utensils. The poem was short and needed overly-detailed illustrations of me and my mom for visual effect. Unfortunately for me, neither the poem nor the pictures achieved their intended effect - quite the opposite actually seeing how I ruined her entire stash of lipstick!

But I feared fear itself when I wrecked my dad’s beloved 1984 Mazda RX-7 . . . twice! You know the one with the rotary engine? I was 15 years old the first time I laid a scratch coming out of second gear – and don’t ask why I was laying scratches when I was only 15 years old!

Unfortunately, I laid much more than just a scratch when I slammed it in into 2 other cars. It took a month to find a car insurance company that would cover me!

I recount my own adolescent path of destruction so as to remind myself not to get too bent out of shape when Kelly tells me, for instance, that Tate has bent my glasses out of shape.

It’s hard to get upset because it’s partially my fault. Anything within Tate’s reach is fair game and these were left on my night stand. Besides, how do you lecture a 2-year old about how he should keep his sticky little fingers to himself and not further handicap his visually-impaired father?

I can't help but wonder if Tate is trying to send me some kind of message through my mangled specs. Perhaps I've been putting his diapers on a little too tight lately. Maybe he's getting sick and tired of being forced to listen to all-Beatles-all-the-time in the car. Maybe he really does prefer Elmo over The History Channel.

Naaa!!

Oh well, I had just hoped that the inevitable destruction would happen later rather than sooner.

What goes around, comes around - right?

The Best $250 I Ever Spent!

2008-11-14T20:43:00.006-06:00

I know you have all been eagerly awaiting an update on my TV-viewing situation. For those of you who don't know, my beloved HDTV became terminally ill a couple months ago with "mysterious green column disease" (see below) and had to be put down - a truly sad day in the Strzinek household!

First, thank you all for your kind words, letters of encouragement and candlelight service - which was very thoughtful but perhaps a bit over the top!

I'm sure you will all be relieved to hear that, thanks to the extended warranty I purchased along with my TV, I was able to get a replacement at no cost! And not just any replacement - since Sony no longer makes my model any more, the warranty company called and said they would have to replace my TV with an upgraded model!

"Well, if that is my only option then I guess that's OK."

While I was still on the phone I began to silently dance around my living room like a complete fool!

Ever since the new TV was delivered, I've never been so happy to watch Dirk go 5 for 15!

The crazy thing is I actually remember debating on whether or not I should spend the extra $250 for the extended warranty. The TV repair guy who took my old TV said that it was money well spent as there are few repairs he could do on a TV for less than $250.

He also said that although these LCD and plasma TV's have a great picture they don't last nearly as long as the old conventional TV's. Most of his LCD/plasma TV repairs are on sets only 18-24 months old. Whereas most of his conventional TV repairs are on sets 7-8 years old. They just don't build them like they use to!

So if you plan on upgrading your family's TV-viewing experience this Christmas and the guy at [insert name of electronics store not filing for bankruptcy here] asks if you want an extended warranty for your new fancy-schmancy TV be sure to respond emphatically, "YES!!" - it'll be the best $250 you'll ever spend!

Spell Check is Your Friend, People!

2008-11-08T23:47:00.004-06:00

This was one of those moments when I stopped and actually questioned if I was the one reading the sign wrong.

After that, I just tried to imagine the senario at the Copley Place Marriott in Boston that could have lead to this tinsy oversight.

The best I could come up with was the "Wall-Mounted Sign Department" had spell check on their computers but the "Ceiling-Mounted Sign Department" didn't.

Beyond that, I figured I was just wasting time and burning brain cells - which is a heckava lot more than what this Oversight Committee has ever done!

Now This Is How You Do It!

2008-11-06T06:47:00.000-06:00

So that I can prove to all of blogosphere that I'm not a total scrooge when it comes to pre-emptive Christmas celebrations, let me take a moment to actually endorse a local dining establishment for how they are marketing their yule time products.

Now this is how you do it! Notice how Krispy Kremes is marketing the sale of their Christmas doughnuts starting on November 28th.

(I'll pause so that everyone can check their calendars to see that November 28th is indeed the Friday after Thanksgiving!)

No pre-emptive Christmas celebrations here! It would be so easy for Krispy Kremes to start selling their Christmas doughnuts before Thanksgiving but they know that would be un-American!

In fact, there's no better way to bring in this year's holiday season (as well as continue the fight against terrorism!) than by ordering a dozen holiday bites of heaven from Krispy Kremes on November 28th - the first day after Thanksgiving!

So let me sum up: Boycot any establishments involved in pre-emptive Christmas celebrations (which we all know only worsens the effects of global warming) and eat lots of Krispy Kreme doughnuts!

See, I'm not a total scrooge!

Why I'm Not Worried On Election Day

2008-11-04T06:20:00.001-06:00

1. No man in the Oval Office has ever ruined my life.

2. No man in the Oval Office has ever made my life.

3. And speaking of the One who actually did make my life, no man in the Oval Office has ever had or ever will have any bearing on my eternal life.

Obama. McCain. Take 'em or leave 'em (and I'd much rather leave 'em all!), I'm really not worried.

But there is one thing I do wish for. Kelly, my wiser and smarter in addition to my better-looking half, recently pointed out that the one thing that has been missing from all the political banter is grace.

Grace for those on other side of the aisle. Grace for those with views and beliefs different from your own. Grace for the winners and grace for the losers. Grace for those who must also extend grace to you.

(See what I mean by wiser and smarter?)

And by the grace of God this will be all over within just a few short hours!

My Observations From Our 10-Year Reunion at ACU Last Weekend

2008-10-31T22:55:00.019-05:00

1. Don’t sign up to help with the Annual Fund Campaign unless you’re comfortable with calling people you haven’t talked to in a really long time to ask them to donate large sums of money to ACU while the economy is bad, they're still paying off students loans, and/or they’re expecting another baby soon.

2. If you haven’t heard from me in years but suddenly notice my name pop up on your caller ID . . . don’t pick up the phone unless you’re comfortable listening to me stammer around for 20 minutes while I work up the nerve to ask you to donate large sums of money to ACU and then beg you to come back for Homecoming.

3. In case you forgot, Eastland is a speed trap!

4. In case you get pulled over in Eastland, be polite, smile, apologize and whimper as if you’re about to cry. Apparently that’s all it takes to get away with only a warning!

(Whew!)

5. There are two ways to be cool at ACU. First way: Pull out your iPhone in the middle of Chapel and text the person sitting two seats down from you – hey, all the other students were doing it!

6. Or, the second way . . . you can just be Kooooooooool!

(Is it just me or am I starting to look like Kool with my sunglasses and whiskers????)

7. Of all the people I bumped into, only once did I find myself in a conversation with someone who I apparently was supposed to know but had absolutely no clue who they were. I just kept thinking, “Keep the conversation as vague and generic as possible!”

8. There’s no quicker way to endear yourself to the President of ACU than by handing him your child and making he and his wife pose for a photo by saying, “Full Scholarship!”

(Now I have photographic evidence that he promised Tate a full ride!)

9. Judging by how things went during the Gamma Sigma Phi Breakfast, the guys I was in club were the most fun. All the younger alumni were way too serious and kept looking over their shoulders at us. All in good fun, boys!

10. Carrying a highchair through The Bean for your son to sit in is a very surreal moment.

11. Why is it that when Tate screams at the top of his lungs and runs circles around The GATA Fountain all the college girls giggle and comment on how cute he is . . . but when I did the same thing 10 years ago they all just looked the other way and acted like I didn’t exist?

12. You know you’re old when you can be overheard saying while walking across campus, “Wow! I can’t believe how big these trees have grown!” I must have said that 20 times!

13. You also know you’re old when you’re actually excited about going back to the hotel for Tate’s afternoon nap instead of going to the football game – GSP breakfast came really early that morning!

14. I now have another reason to be insanely jealous of my best friend/college roommate's back swing. Not only did Brian's group win the Homecoming Golf Tourney but he made a freakin' hole-in-one! I'm telling you, his back swing is such sweetness!

The sad part is that there was a hole-in-one contest for a free pick-up truck on the front nine - Brian made his ace on the back nine! But don't feel sorry for him, he still walked away with a free set of irons. Plus, this is his 3rd hole-in-one!

He's such a show-off, the jerk!

(Thanks Amy for letting me steal your photo!)

15. The two things that make the weekend all worthwhile: Great friends & great memories!

Random Fast Food Drive-Thru Signs

2008-10-25T21:51:00.002-05:00

Leave it to Whataburger to take all the fun out of driving around town while wearing my gorilla mask!

Tate's First Highlight Reel

2008-10-21T23:25:00.003-05:00

US Airways: A Sith Apprentice or A New Hope?

2008-10-16T21:48:00.008-05:00

I’ve never been shy about voicing my displeasure against The Evil Empire. Needless to say, I was happy to fly the friendly skies instead with US Airways to a conference in Phoenix.

When I took my seat, the first thing that I noticed was how hot it was on the airplane. The second thing I noticed was how the guy sitting next to me had a nervous laugh and couldn’t keep from fidgeting with the air vent even though no air was blowing out.

There’s a long list of things that are inappropriate to say in any social setting. Those things are usually written in BOLD if your social setting is taking place on an airplane. And I’ve mentioned before how poorly I react to those socially awkward conservations.

It all came about when the guy finally got frustrated with the lack of A/C and blurted out, “I don’t why the let these planes get so hot! It’s so uncomfortable particularly since I sweat more than most people!”

How are you supposed to respond to that?

“Congratulations!”

“I’ll pray for you!”

"Please don't drip on me!"

I stuck with my standard: “So . . . uh . . . crazy weather lately, huh?”

Eventually the air kicked on and Sweat Man was able to cool off.
___________________________________________________

I had the following conversation with the flight attendant on the way back . . .

Flight Attendant: “Sir, would you care for something to drink?”

(She hands me a napkin)

Me: “Water would be great!”

FA: “Sure, that will be $2.”

(I had the napkin back)

Me: “Actually, I fine! Thanks!”

$2 bucks for water?????? It’s not even bottled!! $2 bucks for a cup of water!!!!!!

You’ve got to be kidding!
__________________________________________________________

As we were beginning our decent into D/FW, I turned off my iPod and put it in the magazine pocket in front of me along with my headphones.

45 minutes later while driving through Grapevine I suddenly realized that I left them both on the plane!

AAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Showing no regard for posted speed limits and/or on-coming traffic, I pulled a U-ie and raced back to the airport terminal – after all, this WAS an emergency!

Since I came in on a late flight, the baggage claim area was completely disserted when I arrived. Just as I was about vomit in my mouth at the thought of losing my iPod and noise-cancelling headphones forever I noticed the US Airways Customer Service office just as the lights were being turned off.

I rushed over and stood in the open doorway wide-eyed and panting from running across the parking lot and through half the terminal. Without my having to explain anything, the guy behind the counter gave me a look and said, “If you can tell me what song is playing when I press Play then you can have your iPod back!”

No joke!

Thank The Lord for honest airline custodians!!!

There’s plenty I can say about an airline charging me $2 for a cup of water. But I’ll let it slide since I would have had to pay plenty more to replace my iPod and headphones!

. . . but I seriously doubt I would have been able to say the same had it been The Evil Empire!

Darth Vader vs. The Japanese Police

2008-10-08T06:59:00.001-05:00

I found this video after watching "Darth Vader Plays Golf" on Trey Morgan's blog - which is also pretty funny. Enjoy . . .

Wade & Tate's Little Adventure

2008-10-06T20:55:00.000-05:00

Kelly, Tate and I drove down to San Antonio this past weekend to visit some friends who just had a baby. Since Kelly wanted some “Kelly time” with her old college roommate and baby Campbell, Tate and I hopped on plane back to D/FW on Saturday.

OK, so did you get that? Tate and I hopped on a plane . . . by ourselves . . . just him and me . . . no Kelly . . . no help . . . no supervising adults . . . no problem!

So here are a few observations of our 45-minute excursion at 25,000 feet.

1. You can get through security a whole lot faster when you’re a single parent with a child. Apparently TSA agents are suckers for blond-haired, blue-eyed, nearly 2-year olds who make an effort to show everyone his Hot Wheels car.

(I’m not sure if that’s supposed to make me feel better or worse about homeland security!)

2. Unfortunately the single-parent-with-child doesn’t get you squat at the food court. All I wanted to do was to purchase a cup of fruit yogurt. But after 4 minutes of standing at the cash register while waiting for the guy whose name tag simply said “trainee” to figure out how to run my credit card I caught myself actually wondering how bad it could be if Tate didn’t get a snack before getting on the plane. I never found out because “trainee” eventually figured it out.

(And yes, it was 4 minutes! You tend to notice how long things take when you're carrying two bags and restless child!)

3. At home, we’ll use videos from time to time when we need to occupy Tate for a few minutes. But apparently all we have to do is park a MD-80 in our backyard and he’ll stay glued to the window for hours.

4. There’s nothing better when you’re flying alone with a 22-month old when the lady at the gate informs you that there are only 30 people on your flight and you’ll have the entire aisle to yourself!

(Kudos to Kelly for booking us on this flight!)

5. There’s no doubt left in your mind on whether your 22-month old understands that he’s flying in an airplane when he starts yelling, “Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!” during take-off so loud that the pilot can hear him!

6. Thank the Lord in Heaven for portable DVD players!

7. The Evil Empire isn’t doing you any favors (and they rarely do!) when they make you stow away all your toys, books, and games prior to landing and then make you sit on the tarmac for 15 minutes with nothing to distract your child while you wait for some other plane to pull away from your gate. Have you ever tried to make the booklet explaining the emergency exits sound exciting to your child?

“And look, Tate! After we crash land in the ocean, we get to use our seat cushions as floatation devices until help arrives!”

It was a great little adventure for the two of us! Tate obviously won’t remember it, but it’ll go down as one of my favorites!

Tate-ism #16

2008-10-05T09:55:00.000-05:00

When Tate and I pulled into Krispy Kreme's parking lot this morning, he pointed and said, "Elmo car!"

Adjectives That Describe My TV-Viewing Time

2008-09-28T22:12:00.003-05:00

Every time I sit down to watch TV I feel some of the following:

Agony, anguish, bitterness, despair, disappointment, dissatisfaction, distress, grief, heartache, letdown, misery, pain, purgatory, ripped off, sorrow, suffering, torture, tribulation, as well as general unhappiness.

Want to know why? Take a closer look at the picture above . . . focus on the right side of the TV screen . . . do you see it????

Yep! Right there on the on the right side of my 40” LCD HDTV is a 4-inch wide column of green who-knows-what!!!!! Just appeared out of nowhere!

For 2 years this Sony Bravia has brought me nothing but heavenly HD precision! But all of a sudden - only 3 weeks into the Cowboys’ regular season – Satan has found himself a foothold within my HDTV!

Kelly first noticed it while watching Oprah. Hmmmm, I wonder if that had anything to do with it!

Demon be out!!!!

Nope, didn’t work – still there! (Both Oprah and the green interference, that is!)

I first tried finding a solution by chatting on-line with Sony’s technical support. Waste of time!

Then, I posted the problem on AVSForum.com to try to get an answer from people who actually know something about this stuff. Not much better.

I guess it’s time to lug this thing all the way to a certified Sony repair shop in Richardson. Or I could save money on gas and go down to my local Best Buy and just buy myself a brand new one – it’ll probably be a wash!

I’ll keep you posted.

In the meantime, anyone want to buy a 2-year old LCD HDTV?

The World's Best Boss Is Back!

2008-09-26T06:54:00.003-05:00

I haven't been blogging much lately.

I've been camped out in front of my TV waiting for the new season of The Office to start.

Now that it has, I have a sudden unresistable urge to grow out a goatee!

Smack Home Depot On The Forehead!

2008-09-20T23:00:00.002-05:00

It’s usually not until after Halloween when my yuletide radar goes up. Having to listen to Bing Crosby’s Have Yourself A Merry Little Migraine for the entire month of December is bad enough alone.

But when stores beat me into musical submission by pretending it’s Christmas starting the first week of November, I actually pray that I do get run over by reindeer! Maybe then I'll be mercifully put out of my misery!

Thank goodness nobody would have the gall to pull this stuff out in September! That would be utterly inconceiv . . . .

ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? AW, FOR THE LOVE OF RUDOLPH!!!!

AND OF ALL PEOPLE - HOME DEPOT!!!!!!

I can’t boycott Home Depot this early in the year! Where else am I supposed to get my [insert inane, over-priced gardening tool that I really don’t need]?

And don’t suggest Lowe’s either – I don’t like Lowes. It’s too . . . . blue!

Yeah, home improvement projects are supposed be done in orange! Why do you think they always use orange signs for highway construction zones?

But now that the temperature has dropped all the way down into the 80’s everyone’s thinking, “Burr! Christmas must be around the corner! Better rush off to Home Depot before they run out of red and green blinking icicle lights and plastic Santa roof ornaments!”

Go ahead, run! We all know those things don't get any cheaper the closer Christmas gets so you better be the first in line!

Doesn’t anyone ever read Ecclesiastes anymore? There a time and place for everything, people! How can we possibly celebrate Christmas in September? It’s only the third week of football, for crying out loud!

Home Depot, you've just been put on notice!

(And don't call me a scrooge or a grinch! I'm right about this! Besides, I prefer "grumpy old man"!)

Smack Me On The Forehead!

2008-09-18T22:57:00.005-05:00

Here's one of those moments where I ended up smacking myself on the forehead . . . unfortunately only those with Facebook accounts will get the full meaning of the story!

It started this morning when allergies caused me to excessively rub my left eye. Unfortunately, that lead to . . .

Problem #1: My contact lense somehow doubled over and slid way up underneath my eye lid! Ack! Who'd ever thought that could happen???

(Actually, this is not the first time this has happened to me!)

As you would think, this lead directly to . . .

Problem #2: Half-blurry double vision. When you look at the world through both eyes but only one contact lense you get half-blurry double vision.

Looking at the world through your good eye is like watching TV in high definition. But looking at the world through your bad eye is like watching that old video of Bigfoot - you think you know what you're looking at but you're not quite sure!

Problem #3: This all occurred while sitting in my car in Granbury, Texas - at least an hour away from home!

Being the good citizen that I am, I gave a public service annoucement of my impaired vision/impaired driving via a Facebook Status update and warned everyone to stay off I-35W for their own safety - I'm such a nice guy!

Now fast forward to later in the day when I received a voice mail from a co-worker asking about a rep of ours out in Midland. I decided to text her back on cell phone and tell her that he had quit and left the company. Here's what I actually wrote:

"Jason quit last month. He's now at a oil/gas drilling company in Midland. Actually a cool deal - the company had been chasing him for months."

Problem #4: Because I was half blind from losing a contact lense, I didn't see that instead of texting my co-worker I was actually texting my Facebook Status update.

Problem#5: Instead of my private text message going only to my co-worker, it was sent to over 200 of my friends on Facebook . . . one of which was Jason!

An hour later, I got a message from Jason, "Uh, why is your Facebook status about me?"

Raise arm. Turn palm towards forehead. Smack!!

The moral of my little story: Get LASIK!!

What A Game!

2008-09-16T00:36:00.017-05:00

I'm dreery-eyed. I have no voice. And my ears are still ringing.

But those aren't the reasons why I can't sleep at 12:45 AM - it's because I'm so fired about the Dallas freakin' Cowboys!

If you have no idea what I'm talking about then all I can say is that you are not living your life to its fullest potential! Be a Cowboy fan!

My friend Noah scored some choice tickets to tonight's Monday Night Football Game between Dallas and Philadephia. Seeing how this is the last year in Texas Stadium before the Cowboys move to "Jerry World", I wanted to be sure to take it all in.

(Cody, Noah, Jody, Me)

It all started with Cody's best kept secret on how to beat the crowd to the game! I was a little skeptical at first when we had to run across 183 - but it sure beats paying $80 bucks for parking!

Next we had stop and pay homage the "man in the hat". Unfortunately the guy I asked to take the picture was apparently unfamiliar with the functionality of a zoom button! Sheesh! It looks like he took the picture from the other side of the parking lot!

Then we had to stop and grab something to eat. Can you say "Tums"?

After that, we had to stop, stare and simply ask, "Why?"

The sad thing about this guy is that he came to the game by himself!

Finally, we got to celebrate!

My favorite part was seeing Felix Jones get his first kick-off return for a touchdown!

Cowboys 41 - Eagles 37

Go Cowboys!

On The Road Again . . . And Again . . . And Again!

2008-09-14T20:49:00.007-05:00

As some of you know, my car is company issued. I drive it all over this blessed state . . . and them some!

When I got my Escape on Labor Day weekend two years ago, this is what the odometer read:

And this is what it read as of Labor Day weekend two weeks ago:

In the two years I have had this car, I have driven 74,373 miles!

Let's do the math!

- While driving this car, I have averaged 3,100 miles a month for 24 months.

- I have purchased somewhere around 3,725 gallons of gas!

- Me and my company have spent somewhere around $12,085 on gasoline! Gulp!

I would figure up how much money I've spent on speeding tickets during the past 24 months but that would require me to admit that I received such citations . . . and that ain't gonna happen!

I will admit that I did have one teeny, tiny accident but it wasn't my fault - even the police report says so!

As for my new ride? It's a Ford Fusion - sorry, no pics at the moment!

Oh great! One more thing to worry about!

2008-09-12T06:58:00.002-05:00

I tripped over this little blurb on CNN.com . . .

"Scientists cheer atom smasher success"

"Scientists applauded as one of the most ambitious experiments ever conceived began today. The Large Hadron Collider -- designed to simulate conditions of the Big Bang -- was switched on this morning. Skeptics claim the experiment could create a black hole capable of swallowing the Earth."

Does this mean we don't have to worry about global warming anymore?

2008-09-11T06:29:00.000-05:00

Today is obviously a significant day in our country . . . but there’s not much I have to say about it.

I caught myself wondering if I needed to write something about 9-11 and post it today. But I’m not going to try to say something new just so that something new will be said. Besides, what else can you really say that hasn’t already been said before? What I can say, I have already said.

But even on a day like today, I can remain both silent and patriotic. Just because I will go about my day as usual, other than a few reflective moments, it doesn’t mean I’m unappreciative to be an American or lack compassion for those who died.

But rather, it’s yet another example of how Heavenly peace, the kind that transcends all understanding, can overflow one’s heart so that the hurt no longer stings and the questions no longer linger.

My hope is for those who will spend their day wrapped in pain and questions can soon feel this same peace and return to going about their lives as usual.

Tate-ism #16

2008-09-09T21:55:00.001-05:00

When Tate and I pulled into Krispy Kreme's parking lot this morning, he pointed and said, "Elmo car!"

Random Google Search Results #8

2008-09-09T21:55:00.000-05:00

Time to once again check in on how Google misutilization continues to misdirect people to misblog.

In other words, the following are actual Google searches that lead people to Wade's Rantings. The blue text are links to some of the posts Google pulled up.

1. "When should you throw out old underwear?" - This is the other talk your parents should have had with you!

National "Throw Out Your Random, Worthless Collection That Does Nothing But Take Up Space And Clutters Up Your Office" Week

2. "list of things my wife could do to make me happy" - Two things: (1) It's sad that you don't know this on your own and have to ask Google for help and (2) it's sad that you'll be the one doing all the stuff to make her happy once she finds out you made a freakin' list!

How about you make a list like the one below?

20 Random Things I Love About My Wife!

3. "jenni is worthless and does nothing" - Hey, at least she's not a judgemental jerk . . . like some people!

4. "does it snow in roanoke texas" - Does this answer your question?

5. "get up get up you sleepy head, get up get up, get out of bed! good morning, good morning, it’s time to rise and shine" - There would be physical violence if I had to wake up to this every morning!

6. "edmc scam" - Gasp! Shame on you, Jo!

7. "something which is good to know" - Let me get this straight - you're asking an internet search engine for something that's good to know? Wow! You need human interaction . . . fast!

8. "lojack pinky ring" - Sheesh! That must be one expensive pinky ring!

Shocking Confession #3

9. "how do I find out who sat next to me on the flight" - Okaaaayyyyyy!!!! You're either (1) a psycho - in which case I'll say, "It's none of your bee's wax!" - or (2) you're extremely desparate - in which case I'll say, "If she didn't give you her name and number on the flight then I'll doubt she's going to be any more impressed after you tell her you tracked her down through the internet" . . . . psycho!

To The Guy Who Sat Next To Me On My Flight To Fort Lauderdale Earlier This Week . . .

Let The Yelling And Screaming Begin!

2008-09-07T11:17:00.007-05:00

The Dallas Cowboy's regular season is finally here!

When Kelly and I invited a couple over to watch a Cowboy game in a few weeks I felt the need to apologize in advance for systematically ignoring them while yelling and screaming at the TV - it's the least I can do (the yelling and screaming, that is)!

So here are my predictions:

Regular season record: 12-4

NFC Championship: Dallas Cowboys defeat Seattle Seahawks

Super Bowl: Dallas Cowboys defeat San Diego Chargers - Sorry, Susan!

Tony Romo: After throwing for over 450 yards and 4 touchdowns against Cincinnati, Tony Romo is forced to hold a press conference announcing his decision to decline surprise Vice President nominations from both Barack Obama and John McCain. Romo asks, "Didn't they already pick their Vice Presidents?"

Terrell Owens: Keeps getting stomach aches from eating too much popcorn but is able to sleep it off in his hyperbaric chamber.

Jessica Simpson (Tony Romo's girlfriend): Mysteriously disappears moments before the opening kick-off against the Browns but later turns up dazed and confused on the steps of the Dallas Cowboys training facility a week after they win the Super Bowl.

Although several hard core Cowboy fans are questioned, no action is taken by the local police seeing how Simpson's absence more than likely lead to the Cowboys' success.

Go Cowboys!

Does Anyone See The Irony In This?

2008-09-02T07:55:00.003-05:00

I was cruising past my regular websites this morning when I came across this headline on Foxnews.com

"Anti-War Protest at GOP Convention Turns Violent

ST. PAUL, Minn. — A protest near the site of the Republican National Convention gave way to violence Monday as demonstrators attacked members of the Connecticut delegation, smashed windows, slashed car tires and threw bottles during an anti-war march, St. Paul police said."

This just proves what a great country we live in! Where else do you have the constitutional right to be a dim-witted moron!

Fight violence with violence? Ooooo, that'll show 'em!

Roll On You Bears!

2008-08-30T12:02:00.000-05:00

Beat Michigan State!

Grrrraaaaa!

Not Bad . . . Even For Politicians!

2008-08-29T16:46:00.006-05:00

I'm still a proud card-carrying member of the "Aw, Man! We're Not Going To Talk Politics Again, Are We?" Club . . .

But I have to say -- regardless if you're Republican, Democrat, Independant, conservative, liberal or none of the above, it's pretty cool how historical it is to have a black man on one ticket and a woman on another.

The next 67 days will be interesting. An absolute beating, perhaps! But still pretty interesting.

Kelly-ism #15

2008-08-27T22:53:00.003-05:00

(Above is not Kelly's flair - hers is much cooler!)

Here’s one only those familiar with Facebook will get . . .

I needed to talk with Kelly the other night so I sat down across from her while she was sitting at her computer. Not able to see her screen I asked, “Is this a good time to talk – am I interrupting anything?”

Still looking at her computer Kelly replied, “Well, I am rearranging my flair!”

Gee, I guess I’ll just take a number and wait to be called!

33 Birthday Wishes

2008-08-25T06:32:00.005-05:00

Well, another year – another birthday. Today, I turn 33.

To me, there’s not much excitement in turning 33. It’s not a milestone year. It’s not even a prime number. But it’s a birthday none the less.

So in honor of my achieving yet one more year sans death, here are my 33 random birthday wishes:

1. I wish I could hit a golf ball 275 yards straight down the fairway instead of 275 yards straight to the right - if I could, I might actually play golf.

2. I wish I was about 15 pounds lighter so I could ride my bike 5 mph faster.

3. I wish I could moderate my consumption of Dr. Pepper (sweet nectar of life!) so that I wouldn’t have to avoid it altogether.

4. I wish Blue Bell Ice Cream and Magic Shell had calories and fat grams that “don’t really count.”

5. I wish Jerry Jones would hire me to be one of his sons – oh the fun I would have in that family business!

6. I wish God used neon signs floating in the sky to tell me what he wants me to do.

7. I wish God would pull back the curtain, if only for a second, so that we could have a glimpse of Heaven.

8. I wish I could be as bold as God wants me to be.

9. I wish small, convertible (and fast!) sports cars were practical (and affordable!) automobiles for young families.

10. I wish I had kept playing the piano.

11. I wish could get more sleep.

12. I wish I could function longer with less sleep.

13. I wish Macy could wipe her feet before coming inside.

14. I also wish she could change Tate’s diapers.

15. I wish I had the ability to preview everything I say to Kelly before I say it to make sure my words and tone reflect the love I have for her.

16. I wish I could “TiVo” my radio.

17. I wish I could “TiVo” my job – that way I can press pause and come back to it whenever I want.

18. I wish my cooking tasted just like restaurant food.

19. I wish restaurant food wasn’t so dang expensive.

20. I wish I could make homemade ice cream like my grandmother.

21. I wish I knew how to fix cars.

22. I wish the Texas Ranger wouldn’t trade away every decent pitching prospect they have in the Minors.

23. I wish Jessica Simpson would stay away from Tony Romo (Dallas Cowboy Quarterback) during football season.

24. I wish the Dallas Mavericks would have just gotten it done 2 years ago when they were only 2 wins away from the championship.

25. I wish the Dallas Stars could find a goalie who could be Detroit.

26. I wish FC Dallas and the Dallas Desperados well.

27. I wish we could skip the next two and a half months of the presidential campaign and elect someone now so we can get on with our lives.

28. I wish Mac’s weren’t so dang expensive.

29. I wish someone would buy me a ski boat – because those things are expensive, too!

30. I wish Dallas/Fort Worth had more bike lanes like Roseville, CA.

31. I wish Dallas/Fort Worth was closer to the beach.

32. But at the same time, I wish Dallas/Fort Worth was closer to snow skiing in Colorado.

33. I wish the Germans would come over here and build us an autobahn – I’d love to see what my Ford Escape could do with no speed limits.

Birthday Cobbler

2008-08-23T14:32:00.006-05:00

I have a great job that comes with great perks.

To name a few: I work from home. I have an unlimited supply of promotional gel pens. Most of my lunches are paid for. And my boss lives and works in another state!

(Hi, Brian!)

But there are some drawbacks as well: I have to deal with traffic all day long. I’m supposed to wear a tie even when it’s a hundred flippin’ degrees outside. Many of my customers don’t want to see me – another story for another time. But worst of all, because I don’t work in an office with co-workers, I have never had an office party on my birthday.

(Everybody say, “Awwwww!”)

The worst thing about birthdays as a drug rep is that most people I interact with through work don’t know it’s my birthday - and in some cases, don't even care. And I’m not so much of a dork that I would go around telling everyone it’s my birthday just so that I can get an obligatory, half-felt “Happy Birthday” greeting.

But this year is already different.

I had lunch yesterday with my #1 customer – Complete Sleep in Fort Worth.

Over the past 4 years, I’ve gotten to know the folks at Dr. Eden’s office pretty well – though Nancy and I have known each other for longer.

But to my complete surprise, I showed up for lunch yesterday and found a huge pan of birthday apple cobbler waiting for me!! I had mentioned in passing to Nancy that my favorite dessert was apple cobbler and she somehow figured out that Monday is my birthday.

So, for the first time in the history of ever, I had an office party for my birthday! But not one thrown by my co-workers, but rather by my customers!

Pretty stinkin’ cool, huh?

The best part of it all was that there was half a pan left over for me to take home – just enough to get me through the weekend!

To everyone at Complete Sleep – it was totally unnecessary, but more than appreciated! Thank you so much!

The Ultimate Time Waste

2008-08-20T07:25:00.006-05:00

I heard AM Ticket Talk Sports talking about this episode of The Six Million Dollar Man where Lee Majors' character fights Bigfoot - which ironically has nothing to do with sports!

To me, this scene symbolizes everything TV has to offer: Absolutely nuttin'!

What a time waste!

1. Now you know why Lee Majors never won so much as a Cub Scout badge for his acting . . . let alone an Emmy.

2. The sound effect for Steve Austin's (Lee Majors) six million dollar skills is grossly over-used in this scene. They play it even when he's just walking! Walking is considered bionic? Heck, I can do that! So where's my $6M??

3. Back to Majors' acting: His acting is so bad that the expression on his face when he first sees Bigfoot looks more like he was just told that there was a 45-minute wait for a table at Carrabba's rather than the alternative expression you'd expect to see when coming across a stinkin' sasquatch!

4. The lines for this scene are just as awful. The guy who wrote the script for this episode should be ashamed of himself!

Seriously, think to yourself - What would you say if you came across Bigfoot in the forest? I doubt "Can you understand me?" would be the first words out of your mouth.

Screaming like a little girl and running like h-e-double-hockey-sticks would probably be more like it!

4. As for Bigfoot, the "effects" aren’t very "special" when you can see the zipper that goes up the back of the Bigfoot costume. And do we have any evidence that Bigfoot has steel blue eyes? I think we would all agree that, according to legend, Bigfoot’s eyes are black and filled with rage.

5. Finally, which is worse: Being involved in filming this theatrical piece of garbage that time can't wait to forget . . . or wasting 30 minutes that you'll never get back by watching it on YouTube and then posting a blog about it?

Wade vs. Road

2008-08-16T15:55:00.005-05:00

Watching the Olympics got my competitive juices flowing so I thought I'd conjure up some friendly competition.

Since cycling versus a clock or versus some other "Armstrong wanna-be" seemed a bit boring, I had the idea of seeing what would happened when I went up against a road.

200 lbs of flesh, bone and bicycle versus several tons of gravel, limestone, sand and concrete. I know - genius, isn't it?

Place your bets!

Yep, those are 4 sutures . . . and there are 3 more underneath my skin that will dissolve in a couple of weeks. Needless to say, I lost my first head-to-head competition versus the road!

Oh well, there's always London 2012!

I'm purposefully being a bit facetious because I don't want Jeremy to feel bad for cutting me off while riding our bikes early this morning. As we approached an intersection, he thought I knew that we were turning right - I thought we were going straight.

Jeremy’s back wheel meet Wade’s front wheel. Wade meet road. Wade meet nice physician at neighborhood urgent care.

(Which happens to be the same urgent care that sewed up my finger last year!)

Shannon & Audra would be proud of me - I didn't scream, cry or make a fool out of myself by acting like a little baby - though they did have really cool retro Transformer stickers that nobody bothered to offer me!

I think my lifetime suture count is now up to 22. Is that worth a medal for anything?

I'm A Bad Blogger!

2008-08-12T21:30:00.006-05:00

But only because I am a really great Olympics fan!

And I don't see any improvement to my blogging skills for at least another 10 days or so.

It's one thing when it's just me watching the Summer games, but once Tate crawls up in my lap and actually watches Olympic cycling with me . . . well, needless to say, there ain't much around this house getting done!

Plus, it's really funny to hear Tate say, "G-g-go!" everytime he sees a bicycle on TV!

A Great Time To Be A Fan Of Us!

2008-08-08T07:19:00.000-05:00

It has been 4 years since I have taken the time to watch diving, canoeing, weightlifting, swimming, gymnastics, fencing, or even track and/or field.

But for the next 2 weeks I'll be watching every minute that I can!

Funny Sign I Saw at Kincaid's Hamburgers Yesterday . . .

2008-08-05T07:29:00.002-05:00

"Unattended children will be given a cup of espresso and a new puppy."

Can you imagine the chaos that would ensue

with a restaurant full of revved-up kids with a new pet?

Here's A Hypothetical For You . . .

2008-08-02T20:36:00.004-05:00

I'm gonna need audience participation on this one. But first, here's the set-up:

The on-again/off-again marriage between Brett Favre and the Green Bay Packers has come to this - Green Bay has offered Favre $20 million dollars over the next 10 years for him to never play football again. Not for Green Bay and certainly not for the Minnesota Vikings.

So here's the hypothetical (truth be told, I heard this orginally on Ticket Sports AM): Would you take $2 million dollars a year for the next 10 years even if it meant you could never work again for the rest of your life?

Now before you smack my forehead and call me stupid for even asking, think it through - you are not allowed to work in any way, shape or form for the rest of your life.

1. You will have no vocational outlet. You can not even work for free at your church or local school. You can do volunteer work at a non-profit charity if you wish, but you cannot hold any position of any kind. You're strictly a volunteer.

2. You can send your money to missionaries but you cannot become a missionary.

3. You can pursue new hobbies and interests but no one else can benefit from these pursuits. If you learn how to paint, you can't sell your paintings for charity or even hold a showing.

4. You may read all the books you want but you cannot write a book.

5. If you blog, you are not allowed to sell ad space and your blog content will be closely scrutinized. If you are found to have benefited from your own blog then you forfeit the entire $2 mil, including any amount already paid.

6. You may participate in charity walks, marathons, golf tournaments and bike rides but you cannot compete as an athlete, not even as an amateur.

7. Good for you if you learn how to play a new instrument. Just don't play it in front of an audience other than yourself.

8. You may spend the money however you wish but you can only invest your money in certain long-term retirement funds - no day trading!

I think you get my point. You get the money so long as you never work again. I think some people will go nuts from boredom in the first year . . . myself included!

If it were me, I would not take the money.

400

2008-07-31T21:44:00.006-05:00

This is my 400th post on Wade's Rantings!

So in celebration for there apparently not being anything better on the Internet for you to read at the moment, I'll share 400 random things you probably don't already know about me!

Ha, yeah right! How about we settle for just 10 instead?

1. I recently discovered that I'm a perfectionist. Apparently, I've always been a perfectionist but I'm just now becoming aware of and coming to terms with this new self-discovery.

Speaking of which, do you mind not sitting that way in your chair while reading my blog? . . . Thanks!

2. Every summer about this time when NFL training camps get underway I get really impatient for football season to start. Seriously, I'm already looking forward to kick-off weekend!

3. I have a number of short cuts that I like to take when getting around town. Anytime Kelly is in the car with me when I take one of my highly effective and efficient short cuts there's always a debate between us as to how much time I'm actually saving.

4. I want to be a Texas Ranger fan - I really do. But I just can't bring myself to endure the inevitable heartbreak. Besides, the Dallas Mavericks are already doing a good job of ripping my heart out every year!

5. Summertime is a particularly difficult time for me in my struggle not to covet because of all the ski boats I see being pulled down the road.

6. I planted some sweet potato vine in our backyard this summer and I'm a little prideful of how well it is growing. I enjoy going out at night (when it's not 400 freakin' degrees) and admire it while watering my plants.

7. I'm listening to American Pie by Don McLean while typing this post . . . and it scares me that I know every word of this song!

8. Now I'm listening to U2's In a Little While. Man, I'd love to learn how to play that intro on my guitar because Kelly thinks this song is sexy! But, of course, I'm making a big assumption that she would find me equally as sexy if I could play it on my guitar.

Bono-schmono!

9. I spent the past 3 weeks watching every stage of the Tour de France. My favorite part was anytime Tate would crawl up in my lap and watch it with me. He would point to the TV and say, "G-g-go!" I laughed every time!

10. I have to brag on myself a little . . . 160 days with no Dr. Pepper, Sprite, Root Beer or any carbonated drink of any kind is pretty darn impressive considering how addicted I used to be to those drinks.

Thanks again for taking the time to stop by!

Mama Come Home!

2008-07-28T16:56:00.003-05:00

Kelly headed down to San Antonio this past weekend for a much deserved trip on her own to see an old roommate. That left Tate and I home alone to do guy stuff like swing in the back yard, eat Krispy Kremes and swim at the local mini-Hurricane Harbor.

Unfortunately it was not a weekend without its tears . . . for either of us!

Me first.

Tate and I were in the back yard playing our favorite game of Swing & Dog Poop. That's where Tate flies back and forth in his swing while I clean up dog poop. I don't care for the game much myself but Tate really seems to enjoy it.

But this time was particularly bad - while bending over to pick up Macy's latest contribution to our yard I suddenly felt something crawling just behind my ear. Then there was a sudden stinging pain!

I slapped the back of my head and watched a crumpled up wasp fall to the ground! I got stung by a wasp while cleaning up dog poop!!

Crimeny!

Since I didn't feel that stomping it to death was sufficient retribution for its malfeasance, I rushed into the house and grabbed a can of bug spray for good measure!

(This proves that I would be a terrible world leader as I always opt for chemical warfare!)

I didn't have any reaction to the sting other than a burning scalp and a serious case of the "creepy crawlies."

Stupid wasp!

Tate had a great weekend . . . if you exclude the fact that he spent it teething!!!!

I actually wondered if Kelly purposefully planned to be away this weekend - not that I blame her if she did!

I thought surely the local swimming pool could appease him but there was no such luck. In fact, he had an all out meltdown and screamed at some lady just for swimming too close to us! I was quick to apologize and tell her that Tate was teething but she gave me one of those "Uh-huh, sure!" looks!

Whatever, Flipper!

The sad part was hearing Tate ask for Kelly all weekend long, "Mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama!"

Oh sure, it's cute and adorable . . . until you hear it 50 times in a row!! At which point I caved in as well, "Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly!"

Oh well! When all else fails - try sugary snacks!

Book Rant: For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn

2008-07-25T21:18:00.007-05:00

Wow, it's been a long time since I've done a Book Rant.

I know this book isn't hot off the press and I'm sure most of have you probably already heard about it. But I thought I would mention it not so much because of what it said (and it said a lot) but more because of the fact that I read it.

It's called For Women Only: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men by Shaunti Feldhahn.

The book is based on the research she did while surveying 1,000 men about their relationships with their spouses and is meant to help women understand how men think.

No doubt you're wondering then why the heck did I read it if it's written for women. Well, simply put, I've been battling inner demons for some time now and I needed to figure out what the heck was going on in my head. Perhaps someday I'll elaborate.

But for now, I just want to say how impressed I am with how closely this book described me - and I didn't even have to fill out any questionnaires or personality tests!

There was something very reassuring about reading how most other men struggle with the exact same things that I'm struggling with. And it was great being able to read how easily the book was able to put into words things which I've struggled to describe to Kelly . . . much less come to terms with, myself.

(Unnecessary comma use?)

I've still got some demon battling to do, but this simple book helped me understand many things about myself that I have long been confused about. Which is why I say, if you are a wife reading this book, then do your husband a favor hand it to him when you're finished!

Now I'm off to read For Men Only . . . which is the book that I'm actually supposed to read!

Church Marquee of the Week #3

2008-07-21T00:57:00.004-05:00

I'm not sure, but I think I'm a little offended by this marquee.

I understand it's point, our children are blessings from God and we should take care of them likewise.

But my thought is, when it comes to raising children, we have just a tad bit more responsibility as parents than if we were just babysitters - no offense to babysitters!

Ultimately, it really doesn't matter and by bringing it up I'm only perpetuating our society's tendency to cry "Foul!" just because we are offended by something we heard or read. But I wonder if the parents of this church feel that their hard work has been minimized by this marquee.

And on some level, I actually hope God does view us as babysitters . . . because I charge $10 bucks an hour . . . per kid!

I Need A New Internet Toy Like I Need A New Addiction!

2008-07-18T00:10:00.003-05:00

. . . and I don't need a new addiction!

Kelly got me sucked into Facebook recently. It all started when she opened a Facebook account for herself and spent the next 2 days yelling, "I've got a new friend!" from behind the computer - curiousity got the best of me!

Just as Eve handed Adam the apple, so Kelly handed me Facebook. And just like Adam, I took a big ol' honkin' bite!

(And, yes, I am comparing Facebook to the Fall of Man!)

Want a new drug? Try my Facebook page!

(Yeah, I know. Shameless plug.)

My New Favorite Picture of Tate & I

2008-07-16T00:47:00.000-05:00

I'm No Grizzly Adams

2008-07-13T09:50:00.007-05:00

One thing Kelly and I wanted to do while in Lake Tahoe was to take Tate on a real nature hike. Tall green trees. Snow-capped mountains. Beautiful blue lake. Furry little chipmunks.

And according reading this sign, man-eating animals as well!

In case you can't read the first line, it says: "The area you are entering contains habitat suitable for both black bears and mountain lions. Although rare, sightings may occur."

Oooookay . . . good to know!Did I ever tell ya'll about my completely irrational fear of being mauled by wild animal? Seriously, I can't even watch movies like The Edge because I can't handle scenes where people get served up to lions, tigers and bears!

(And you're a dork if you just said, 'Oh my!')

Further instruction from the posted sign said to "Carry a walking stick or pepper spray for protection."

Uh, how about I just shoot the lion and/or bear with a .44 Magnum or a .30-06 with a long range scope instead?

C'mon, pepper spray? Give me a break! By the time you actually figured out how to squirt some "liquid fire" into the a charging cougar's eyes he would have already eaten half of your arm off!

The sign also suggests that if you happened to be attacked by a moutain lion or black bear then "fight aggressively!"

Oh sure, why didn't I think about that! My first thought would have been instead to scream like a girl and run like h-e-double hockey sticks! But I can see how fighting aggressively might work also . . . especially when you've got your 18-month old strapped on your back and your wife of nearly 10 years right behind you!!

Needless to say, I was more than a little nervous while we were on the trail. Every where I looked, I saw landscape similar to the scene in [name any movie where someone gets whacked by a mountain lion.] Even Kelly noticed I was getting a bit tense.

Unfortunately what we had planned on being an hour-long hike through God's backyard ended up being only a 15-minute stoll barely 200 yards into the vast wilderness! I had to turn back. Seriously, that sign really freaked me out.

But we got a chance to take a few very quick pics before returning civilization. I know it looks like I'm smiling but I'm actually flashing my big, sharp teeth for any potentially stalking predator to see!

I guess I'll always be a city boy!

Things I Heard While Vacationing in California

2008-07-09T00:46:00.001-05:00

Rather than give you a play-by-play of what happened on our trip (I'll leave that to Kelly), let me instead share some of the 'behind the scenes' moments that lead to plenty of discussion while in Lake Tahoe.

1. "We haven't served hamburger pizza in 25 years." -

Who said it: A manager working at Round Table Pizza. Pretty good pie. Just don't ask for ground beef. If you do, they'll look at you as if you have 3 heads!

My response: "Failed smile" and an overly sarcastic, 5-minute diatribe at my table about how "absurdly high maintenance" it was of me to ask for pizza topping options beyond that of just pepperoni, saugsage and canadian bacon.

2. "So what exactly is sweet tea anyway?"

Who said it: Aunt B, my favorite NoCal aunt-in-law who obviously hasn't spent enough time in the South!

My response: I just looked at her like she had 3 heads.

3. "Sir, you can't sleep here!"

Who said it: A security guard at Harrah's in Lake Tahoe after I apparently broke some unwritten rule that you're not supposed to fall asleep in a casino lounge at 11:45 at night!

My response: "Yeah, I can - I just did!"

4. "How come Tate can take a nap but I can't?"

Who said it: Me, when I was so dog tired from Tate waking up at 6 AM that morning thanks to the time change. It was late morning when I said it and I wanted to take a nap. Unfortunuately, it was time for me to pack up the car.

Kelly's response: That look she gives me when she doesn't want to hear it!

5. "I'm not too crazy about Chick-Fil-A."

Who said it: Stephanie, my mom-in-law just after we had a delicious and affordable meal at one of America's finest fast food restaurants.

My response: "How can you not be crazy about Chick-Fil-A? What are you, a terrorist?"