Robert Alfred - Robert Wade - Robert Tate
Happy (First) Father's Day!
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Friday, June 15, 2007
QOTW: Workaholics Anonymous
Here's last weeks' QOTW as promised . . .
My first job in sales was at Pitney Bowes Office Systems - I sold copiers.
Working for Pitney Bowes was great despite the minor detail that I wasn't very good at selling copiers. I typically fouled things up during the demo - which was when you brought in a copier that a potential customer was considering and demonstrated to them how incredibly easy it was to operate.
The problem was that I was terrible at operating copiers. If it could be jammed, stuck, over-loaded, overheated, off-lined, side-lined or even error-ed, I somehow was able to show my customers-to-be how easy it was to do.
Need 10 sets of collated, double-sided, hole-punched copies? You got me! However, I do know a good way of changing out the toner cartridge so that half of it ends up all over your brand new suit - that's easy!
My demo's were usually abruptly ended by a polite, "Uh . . . thanks. We'll give you a call."
(Thank goodness I'm much better at selling drugs!)
But the cubicle world of Pitney Bowes brought out the "best" in the office personalities. My boss was the coffee addict. He'd start a new pot of coffee at 4:00 in the afternoon just because he was thirsty. What always puzzled me about him was that, despite practically having a constant caffeine drip from an IV, he reminded me of Droopy. With as much coffee-intake as he had you'd expect someone with a little more edge - never understood that one!
My first job in sales was at Pitney Bowes Office Systems - I sold copiers.
Working for Pitney Bowes was great despite the minor detail that I wasn't very good at selling copiers. I typically fouled things up during the demo - which was when you brought in a copier that a potential customer was considering and demonstrated to them how incredibly easy it was to operate.The problem was that I was terrible at operating copiers. If it could be jammed, stuck, over-loaded, overheated, off-lined, side-lined or even error-ed, I somehow was able to show my customers-to-be how easy it was to do.
Need 10 sets of collated, double-sided, hole-punched copies? You got me! However, I do know a good way of changing out the toner cartridge so that half of it ends up all over your brand new suit - that's easy!
My demo's were usually abruptly ended by a polite, "Uh . . . thanks. We'll give you a call."
(Thank goodness I'm much better at selling drugs!)
But the cubicle world of Pitney Bowes brought out the "best" in the office personalities. My boss was the coffee addict. He'd start a new pot of coffee at 4:00 in the afternoon just because he was thirsty. What always puzzled me about him was that, despite practically having a constant caffeine drip from an IV, he reminded me of Droopy. With as much coffee-intake as he had you'd expect someone with a little more edge - never understood that one!
His boss was the nicotine addict. It would be 103 degrees outside and he'd be standing in the parking lot in a wool suit puffing down a cigarette. I always hated seeing him smoking when I'd return to the office from a sales call because he would make me stand out there and tell him how things went.
Thirty feet away was a comfortable 75 degree climate-controlled environment and all he wanted to do was "burn one" out in the blazing sun while reminding me of the advantages and disadvantages of analog copiers versus digital copiers . . . as if I really cared!
I mention Pitney Bowes because this FedEx commercial reminds me of Pitney Bowes (The Office reminds me of Pitney Bowes, too - but that's another post!). When I found this clip on YouTube, it gave me the idea of last week's QOTW.
It's no surprise that most of you think you're the only normal one at work. The real question is what would your co-workers say about you?
______________________________________________________
"Which office employee are you?"
Total Votes: 16
"Blameless Bill" - 6% (1 vote)
The Attitude - 6% (1 vote)
The Whiner - 6% (1 vote)
The Coffee Maker Cop 0% (0 votes)
The Clock Watcher 18% (3 votes)
Thumb-Twidler Extraodinaire 6% (1 vote)
Mr. Over-promise/Under-deliver 6% (1 vote)
The one normal person in the whole place 50% (8 votes)
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Monday, June 11, 2007
My Great Day of Futility!
I left the house this morning with a wonderful sense of purpose. I had my To-Do List (complete with contributions from my lovely wife) and a plan for how I was going to get it all done.
Come to find out, I should have just stayed in bed and called in sick!
2 miles from Eastland (100 miles west of Fort Worth) my perfect plan flew out the window!
This is what you call a blowout!
D'oh!
An 8-inch gash on the bottom, a 5-inch gash on the top and no earthly idea of how it happened! But, if I may say so myself, thanks to some pretty impressive driving skills I was able to contain the gashes to the tire and not the rest of my car!
But no problem, right? Just throw on the spare, buy a new tire in Eastland and I'm probably only 2 hours behind schedule at the most!
If only the jack that came with my car was able to raise my car high enough to put the spare on! Oh yeah! I jacked that thing up as high as it would go and I still needed another 3 inches before I could bolt on the spare!
D'oohhh!
So, I spent another hour and a half on the side of I-20 dodging shoulder-hugging 18-wheelers and waiting for Roadside Assistance (our corporate AAA) to bring a bigger jack! So much for being only 2 hours behind.
Nevertheless, around 1:30 I was rolling again and thinking that if I could get a new tire pretty quick in Eastland then I could probably still salvage part of the afternoon. Too bad the only tire store in town didn't have my size tire . . . "But we can have it here for you by tomorrow morning!"
D'oh! D'oh! D'oh!
The closest store that had the tire I needed was a Firestone in Brownwood about 45 minutes away. OK - I can do that! I'll drive to Brownwood - buy a new tire - see a couple docs and be on my way home! Too bad the Firestone had about 20 people ahead of me by the time I got there!
D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oooohhhhhh!
Finally around 4:30 I headed home from Brownwood having not seen any doctors because I had to wait so long at Firestone. By the way, is there anything more pointless than reading a Car & Driver Buyer's Guide from 3 years ago?
10 hours, 300 miles and no doctors after I left this morning, I finally pulled back into my driveway. Totally beaten. Totally exhausted. Totally ready for this day to be over and done with. I should have gone straight to the bed that I should have never gotten out of in the first place . . . but I didn't!
I thought Macy and I could use some fresh air so I decided we'd go run some errands together. But between putting Macy in the backseat and walking around to my door I somehow locked my keys in the car . . . with Macy in the back seat!
D'(Not very nice words spewing from my mouth!)oh!
When will this day end?!?!?!
Once I regained my composure, I called Roadside Assistance (again!) and about 45 minutes later some guy showed up and popped the lock on my car in about 20 seconds - literally! I could have sworn Macy shot me a glare as she jumped out of the back seat!
Come to find out, I should have just stayed in bed and called in sick!
2 miles from Eastland (100 miles west of Fort Worth) my perfect plan flew out the window!
This is what you call a blowout!
D'oh!
An 8-inch gash on the bottom, a 5-inch gash on the top and no earthly idea of how it happened! But, if I may say so myself, thanks to some pretty impressive driving skills I was able to contain the gashes to the tire and not the rest of my car!
But no problem, right? Just throw on the spare, buy a new tire in Eastland and I'm probably only 2 hours behind schedule at the most!
If only the jack that came with my car was able to raise my car high enough to put the spare on! Oh yeah! I jacked that thing up as high as it would go and I still needed another 3 inches before I could bolt on the spare!
D'oohhh!
So, I spent another hour and a half on the side of I-20 dodging shoulder-hugging 18-wheelers and waiting for Roadside Assistance (our corporate AAA) to bring a bigger jack! So much for being only 2 hours behind.
Nevertheless, around 1:30 I was rolling again and thinking that if I could get a new tire pretty quick in Eastland then I could probably still salvage part of the afternoon. Too bad the only tire store in town didn't have my size tire . . . "But we can have it here for you by tomorrow morning!"
D'oh! D'oh! D'oh!
The closest store that had the tire I needed was a Firestone in Brownwood about 45 minutes away. OK - I can do that! I'll drive to Brownwood - buy a new tire - see a couple docs and be on my way home! Too bad the Firestone had about 20 people ahead of me by the time I got there!
D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oooohhhhhh!
Finally around 4:30 I headed home from Brownwood having not seen any doctors because I had to wait so long at Firestone. By the way, is there anything more pointless than reading a Car & Driver Buyer's Guide from 3 years ago?
10 hours, 300 miles and no doctors after I left this morning, I finally pulled back into my driveway. Totally beaten. Totally exhausted. Totally ready for this day to be over and done with. I should have gone straight to the bed that I should have never gotten out of in the first place . . . but I didn't!
I thought Macy and I could use some fresh air so I decided we'd go run some errands together. But between putting Macy in the backseat and walking around to my door I somehow locked my keys in the car . . . with Macy in the back seat!
D'(Not very nice words spewing from my mouth!)oh!
When will this day end?!?!?!
Once I regained my composure, I called Roadside Assistance (again!) and about 45 minutes later some guy showed up and popped the lock on my car in about 20 seconds - literally! I could have sworn Macy shot me a glare as she jumped out of the back seat!
Poor Macy - nobody remembered her birthday and then she was locked in the back seat of a car!
I'm going to bed now but I'm going to be very careful. With my luck, I could be severely injured by my electric toothbrush and have to be taken to the Emergency Room by ambulance only to find out that the dentist on-call had a blowout on the way to the hospital!
PS: Does it bother anyone that there's a guy out there who's really good at popping car locks in less than 20 seconds?
(I'll do QOTW when I regain cognitive function!)
Saturday, June 09, 2007
Now I Know I'm A Daddy
Cycling Rule #1: Don't wear headphones while cycling - it makes it hard to hear other cyclists, cars or large dogs giving chase.
Since I don't listen to music while riding I'm reduced to singing songs in my head - which usually isn't too bad.
Unfortunately for me, I couldn't get this song off auto-repeat during my ride today!
By hey! At least it was the "U2" version!
Since I don't listen to music while riding I'm reduced to singing songs in my head - which usually isn't too bad.
Unfortunately for me, I couldn't get this song off auto-repeat during my ride today!
By hey! At least it was the "U2" version!
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
I Feel The Need For Speed!
In response to my recent speeding ticket(s), my Dad-In-Law sent me a great link: SpeedTrapped.com
The first thing I have to comment on is how funny it is that rather than giving me some line of "Wade, you really should try to slow it down, Mmm-k?", he instead sends me a website that shows me where I can (and can't) get away with speeding!
For Christmas this year, I think I'll ask him for a radar detector just to see if he actually gets me one!
As for the website, genius! It's a map of over 21,000 known speed traps in the US! (Sorry, Russ, Canada doesn't seem to be included - I guess you guys don't have a problem with speeding!)
No doubt police departments everywhere are furious that this super-confidential-double-secret information has been released into the public domain. Nonetheless, I have no choice but to assume that this is an all-inclusive listing of speed traps and will therefore drive accordingly!
(Had I only known about this website when I rented that Mustang!)
Thanks for the link, Dad-In-Law! Now I'll get to Brownwood even faster!
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