By now, there was supposed to have been balloons and decorations. There was supposed to have been cake sticking to little fingers and covering a little face. There were supposed to have been grandparents with way too many presents. There were supposed to have been digital cameras and video cameras. There was supposed to have been a birthday party because, by now, Kelly and I were supposed to have had a 1-year old baby. But by God it was not meant to be.
So I guess it may sound strange when I say that although I remember the pain of our miscarriage it is actually joy that I feel in this moment. That joy comes from what I believe is God’s promise that one day in Heaven I will hold that very child in my arms.
Just one of the cool things about going to Heaven will be gaining God’s full understanding. To me, that means more than just learning all the answers to our petty little questions – it means we begin to see things as they were meant to be. So when that day for me comes I will see my child as he or she was meant to be – beautiful, strong and very much alive.
Here on Earth we recognize people by their faces and names. But God in Heaven recognizes people by their heart – and so will we when we get there. And it’s a good thing too because when we receive our new heavenly bodies we won’t look a thing like what we do here (because we will look like what we were always meant to be). So the only way we will know our friends and family in Heaven will be by recognizing their heart the way God does.
When you recognize someone by their heart then you know them through and through. No introductions are needed. No name tags are necessary. There’s no starring at each other asking, “Where do I know you from?” With God’s full understanding you see straight into the heart and suddenly you know exactly who that person is!
Therein lies my joy – looking forward to the reunion of a father and child long since separated. I will immediately recognize my child and my child will immediately recognize me. No awkward hugs. No weird handshakes. Just sweet embrace! . . . because by God it was always meant to be.
I miss you, little one – Can’t wait to see you!
PS: I know that some may disagree with my perception of Heaven. Quite frankly, I’m fine with that. I realize that I may have it completely wrong. Even so, the true Heaven, whatever it is or will be, still won’t be a disappointment.
So before you correct me by explaining how we probably won’t remember anything or anyone from our time here, understand that my present perception of Heaven has led me to a peace about our loss that can only come from God Himself. I admit that it very well may be the wrong perception. But that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a bad perception.
And if we find, when we all get to Heaven, that you are right and I am wrong then you can be the first to tell me . . . assuming of course you’ll even remember what it was you were right about in the first place!