Saturday, March 12, 2011

Tate Wars

How fitting is it that for my blog's 500th post (and first in a dang long while) I'm posting Tate's 4th birthday video!  Just don't pay any attention to the fact that his 4th birthday was back in December!

My how time flies!  If you've been wondering where I've been lately - just watch the video!

Monday, February 07, 2011

Don't be Snow Stupid!

I realize that throughout my own existence I will have plenty of opportunities to personally contribute towards the overall stupidity of humanity. Have said that . . .

I would like to blatantly ignore the minuscule speck in my own eye while calling everyone's attention to the massive 2x4 sticking out of the eye of so many who attempted to drive on sheer ice last week. 

Recent extensive research (also known as my casual observation) has revealed that freezing temperatures and icy road conditions causes people to turn stupid (of course that's a technical term!)

Most people under normal circumstances would admit that driving on icy roads can be treacherous and should only be attempted by experienced drivers and when leaving the home is absolutely necessary. We can easily agree with that statement as being true and logical, right?

What is amazing however is how quickly said-logic evaporates as soon as the proverbial you-know-what freezes over - resulting in general stupidity and knuckle-headedness to take hold of otherwise bright witted individuals. 

Based upon what I observed during my, ahem!, extensive research, I can only assume that the following inner-monologue could have been heard inside the cars of several soon-to-be-stranded motorists:

"Dum dee dum, this driving on ice thing seems pretty easy so I'm just gonna speed up to excessive and dangerous speeds. 

Oh, look at this!  Someone just texted me a hilarious photo of their kid playing in the snow - I'm now going to focus all of my attention on my smart phone and forward this to . . . 

WHAT'S HAPPENING??!!  Sweet Mother of Frozen Precipitation, I've lost all control of my car!!!  I'm spinning in circles in the middle of a busy intersection!!!  

How is this even possible??!!  Oh laws of physics, why have you forsaken me??!!  Surely this has never happened before in the history of modern transportation!! "

Light pole + Mr. Knucklehead = D'oh!

So let this be a word of caution to all of you as we receive news of even more snow in our forecast . . . don't get snow stupid!

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

My Look Back - Will's Arrival

The last 7 months since I've stepped away from the blogosphere have been pretty action packed.  It doesn't seem right to return to my usual tomfoolery until I take a moment to look back at a couple of events that have actually kept me away from my blog.  So I'll do this a little at a time . . .

First and foremost is Will.

I'll let Kelly's post be the official documentation of the big day.  But here are my hot sports opinions on the new little guy.
  1. The biggest surprise I wasn't expecting - The realization that I still don't know what to expect even though I could have sworn I was going to know what to expect.   
  2. The most pleasant surprise I wasn't expecting - How cool it is to watch Tate and Will form their friendship almost immediately.  Even during the first few weeks Tate could get Will to stop crying simply by singing to him.  Me singing to Will seemed to only make him even more upset.
  3. Who I think Will looks like - Not me, thank goodness!  Lucky for him, he's got a lot of Kelly in his face around his nose and eyes!  Others say Will looks a lot like Tate - which is equally advantageous!
  4. Something that I forgot about since Tate was a baby - How incredible it is to hold a sleeping baby - makes me want to hold him for hours.
  5. Something that I tried really hard to forget but was mostly unsuccessful - The feeling when you've just realized that the diaper leaked and you're now covered in runny, yellow poop - blech!
  6. Something I suddenly don't mind saying out loud in public in a stupid baby voice - "Does Baby Will want Daddy to clean his poopy pants?"
  7. The good thing about diaper bags - Finally a place other than Kelly's purse where I can stash my wallet, keys and phone!
  8. Cracks me up every time - Will's baby burps and his pouty face where he sticks out his lower lip - we're still trying to get a picture of this, hysterical!
  9. 2 Things that still bring me to speechless amazement - A woman who gives birth to a newborn . . .
  10. . . . and The Creator who gives him life!
Welcome to the family, Son - We already can't imagine life without you!

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Saturday, August 07, 2010

Oh yeah, I have a blog!!!

The social encounter that I fear more than kryptonite itself is bumping into someone that you used to be really great friends with but haven't seen since the day after you graduated from high school.

You start the conversation off with big hugs and, "Oh my gosh! You haven't changed a bit!"

(Yeah right!)

At first, it's all fun and giggles because you have standard issued questions you can rely on to keep the conversation flowing - Where do you live now? What are you doing now? How many kids do you have now?

(Just don't forget to oogle the photos of their kids and comment about how absolutely precious they are!!)

But after that initial data exchange, the conversation ALWAYS grinds to a painful halt as if you're suddenly talking to an absolute stranger. Why is that??? Wasn't this someone you used to be great friends with??? Wasn't the the person who you could stay up until 2 AM talking to???

10 years ago you could read each other's mind but now all you can do is stand there in awkward silence and sheepishly issue the guaranteed conversation killer, "So . . . um . . . crazy weather, huh?"

(Hmmmm, maybe I'm suddenly realizing why this person hasn't spoken to me in the last 10 years!)

Mercifully, these conversations eventually come to an end but not before one of you throws out the Ultimate Empty Promise of All Time, "Give me a call and we'll get the kids together!"

Yeah, that's code for "See ya' in another 10 years!"

Seiously, those conversations are excrutiating. They're just as hard as say . . . um . . . posting on your blog for the first time in 7 months! Talk about not knowing what to say!!!

Oh well, here's my peace offering. Enjoy!

I hope all in the blogosphere are doing well. Feel free to give me a call - we'll get the kids together!

Just kidding!!!

Monday, December 21, 2009

T3: Tate's 3rd Birthday Video

It's probably bad form to follow a post about how I've recommitted myself to my blog (so that my second child wouldn't feel neglected) with another post of a video solely dedicated to my first child.

But therein lies Real World Lesson #1 for Child #2 . . . Life ain't fair. Accept it and move on!

Having said that, let's move on to T3 - Tate's 3rd Birthday Video.

Happy Birthday, Buddy Boy! You'll never know how proud I am of you!

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Christmas Second Stringers!

My yuletide soap boxes are a'plenty on this blog (click here and here) -- and though there is no shortage of retail stores to boycott because of their pre-emptive and obsessant broadcasts of Christmas music before the widely recognized and official start of the Christmas season (day after Thanksgiving) -- I do actually have one contribution to this year's Christmas cheer . . .

It's a Christmas card I got from my sister over 10 years ago and it still ranks #1 on my highly exclusive . . .

Top 10 Christmas Cards List
in the History of Ever!

. . . eat your heart out, Hallmark!

The reason I like it is because it's original! GASP! You mean we don't have to give the same ol' cards and listen to the same ol' music EVERY Christmas of our lives?!?!?!

No, actually, try mixing it up a little bit! And what doesn't say "Merry Christmas" like Vomet and Spitzen for reindeer names? Sound like my kinda guys!

Oh well, here's my half-hearted attempt to say "Merry Christmas, everybody!"