Monday, July 31, 2006

Waste of Time Website of the Week: Bunny Reenactments

Here’s a new series I’m starting called “Waste of Time Website of the Week.” I apologize in advance for the misleading title. Although the posts will be about stupid websites that do nothing but waste your time, they won’t necessarily come in weekly installments.

Anywho – here’s a website of animated bunnies that reenact a popular movie in 30 seconds courtesy of Angry Alien Productions. Some of these are freggin’ hilarious! My favorites are Jaws, Titanic and Star Wars. Click on the icon below to start the show.

PARENTAL WARNING: Bunny reenactments are clever, cute and funny (and don’t forget a waste of your time), however some bunnies use bad words and portray adult bunny situations!

Although these 3 clips are relatively safe for family viewing, some of the other clips on thier website carry an R-Rating. So if you have bunny-loving kiddo's at home, you may want to watch those during nap time! Surprisingly, Office Space Bunnies is worse than Brokeback Mountain - you would think it would be the other way 'round!

Have fun wasting your time!

Saturday, July 29, 2006

20 Random Things I Love About My Wife!

1. She tolerates my cycling – (See Ever Heard of Road Rash?)

2. She’ll ask me really cute questions like, “Wade, can you explain World War II to me one more time?”

3. She’s good at helping me keep an appropriate self-perception of myself
– I recently spoke during our Sunday night service and our worship leader told everyone that after the next song, “we will all be illuminated by the ‘Great Wade’!” Just as I was thinking that I liked the sound of ‘Great Wade’, Kelly leaned over and whispered in my ear, “Don’t let that go to your head!”

4. Her lasagna is still my favorite.

5. I also love her iced cookies (which she doesn’t make often enough).

6. Even though she knows I will say ‘no’, she always asks if I need help working in the yard.

7. She ran a freggin’ marathon!

8. This one may sound weird but I love that fact that other people love my wife too.

9. She loves to travel – if it weren’t for her then I’d probably never leave Fort Worth.

10. She’s a great decorator – I admit I was worried about how the kitchen would turn out but I think it has come to be my favorite part of our house. She was also right about my office.

11. She gets really excited about gift wrap and greeting cards – She puts just as much thought into how she’s going to wrap a present as she does in actually picking it out!

12. I love watching her open presents on Christmas morning – She’s like a little kid!

13. Hallmark commercials and Celine Dion concerts make her cry – And NO! I did not cry at the Celine Dion concert!

14. The feeling I get when she hugs me first thing in the morning – Work Schmirk!

15. She watches Cowboy and Maverick games with me – Kelly actually has some great hot sports opinions!

16. She’s a great Sunday School teacher.

17. She’ll scratch my back during church even though she’d rather not.

18. She knows me like a book
- and for some reason still loves me.

19. The way she keeps going into the baby room closet to look at baby clothes - her favorite are the pajamas with little monkeys on it.

20. And last but certainly not least: She’s carrying our child - what’s not to love about that?

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Is a belt really necessary?

Which articles of men's clothing are absolutely necessary?

Socks - depends on the footwear. Baseball cap - depends on the occasion. Watches and rings - although technically jewelry, sometimes you can go with or without (wedding ring being the obvious exception - that bad boy goes wherever you go!). Underwear - an absolute in every situation . . . and don't post any comments arguing otherwise!

But what about the belt? Does a man in business attire have to wear a belt?

Today I realized while driving to Brownwood that I was without belt. What followed next was 20 minutes of nothing but uncertainty and indecision!

"How on earth did I forget to put on a belt? Do I need a belt? Will people notice my beltlessness? Why do people even wear belts? If your pants stay up then you obviously don't need a belt, right? Will people think I'm unprofessional because I'm not fully dress without a belt? How effective will I be at selling drugs if I'm not wearing a belt? Do I want to pay for a belt when I've got a perfectly good one at home? How much does a belt even cost? Where in the world am I going to buy a belt at 9 AM? Oh, why did I forget my belt?"

Knowing that not wearing a belt would drive me crazy all day long I decided to pull into a local retail belt distributor (also known as 'Wal-Mart') to purchase a belt. After asking 2 people where the mens' belt section was (The first lady didn't have a clue - I think it had something do with the fact her name tag said 'Trainee') I made my final selection and proceeded to self check-out.

The problem at this point was, even though I was now acceptable to be seen in public, I was irked by having to spend $15 on a belt that I would never wear again (I love my Johnston & Murphy 34 inch black leather belt - the third hole is a perfect fit for me!). Since Kelly was unavailable for comment at a conference, I called a fellow drug dealer, Susan, so I could get a woman's perspective on whether today's purchase was necessary . . . and she had a grand idea!

Knowing that I would be passing the same Wal-Mart on my way home at the end of the day, Susan told me to return the belt after I had made all of my calls and get a refund - Genius!

Lessons I learned today: (1) From now on, take a closer look in the full length mirror before heading out for the day. (2) Wal-Mart at 5 PM is a heck of a lot busier than Wal-Mart at 9 AM. (3) When in doubt get a woman's opinion. But don't bother if her name tag says 'Trainee' - in which case she doesn't have a clue!

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

God given friends

Even though I’m only 30 years old, I can already look back and see how God used people to serve a specific purpose in my life. When I think about my high schools years, I can see how God used guys like Jeremy and Eric to draw me closer to Him.

I would love to tell you all the funny stories that I share with Jeremy and Eric. I’m sure you’d laugh out loud if I told you about “zackleys”; LMC; the time when Jeremy and I toilet paper’ed Joy Rose’s house and her mom called us at 7:30 the very next morning telling us to "come over and clean up the mess we made"; the roman candle that exploded in Jeremy’s hand; how funny we thought it was when Eric would say, “Hey Wade” and I’d say, “Yeah?” and he’d say, “Sucks!” (I still don’t get that one); el vatos; personalized toilet paper or even Pizza Talk.

I could tell you all those stories and you’d think that we were a bunch of crazy high school kids who thought we were much funnier than we actually were. And although those stories are precious to me what is more important to share is that I credit both Jeremy and Eric with being the friends who taught me how to be a teenaged Christian. At a time in my life when I wasn’t too interested in church or even having a serious relationship with God, Jeremy and Eric entered my life and challenged my faith – I thank God they did.

I had a chance a couple of years ago to thank Eric while we took in a Ranger game together. And only recently, I was able to thank Jeremy after not seeing him for over 10 years. I’m so grateful to have had the chance to tell them how much they still mean to me even though we’ve all gone our separate ways.

The 3 of us got together not too long ago – it was the first time we were all under the same roof since high school. We laughed at old photos, reminisced about old stories and caught up on each other’s lives. Eric is a Special Ed teacher in Irving and Jeremy has been doing missionary work in Thailand. During the evening I caught myself being grateful that I was in that room that night - because if it weren’t for these two guys, who knows where I would be right now.

Thanks again, guys!

This is picture of us after our sophomore year in 1992 (Jeremy is in between Eric and I). I have no idea what we are doing – here again, we thought we were much funnier than we actually were. As far as my outfit is concerned laugh if you must – but just know that those shorts that I am wearing were purchased from The Gap and I remember getting many compliments on them . . . (Wow! I’m getting old – that sounds like something my parents would say!)

Monday, July 24, 2006

I'm going to shave my head!

I recently paid a woman $27 to cut my hair – Kelly says I spend too much for a men’s haircut.

I’ve never enjoyed getting my hair cut. I hate the before, during and after feeling.

The before feeling is mostly doubt. “Why do I keep going to this same lady? If she is so good then why can I get an appointment at any time that I ask? I wonder if someone else can cut my hair for less money? But if they are cheap then will my haircut look cheap?”

The during feeling is mostly concern. “Holy Cow! She’s cutting off too much hair – I said ‘trim’! Why does she have to talk so much? Stop talking and pay attention to what you’re doing woman! Why is she pulling out the clippers? She didn’t use clippers last time!”

The after feeling is a combination of discomfort, embarrassment and regret. The discomfort is because of the itching caused by the bazillion teeny, tiny pieces of hair that are now covering my neck and shoulders - I hate clippers! The embarrassment comes from walking out of the salon with my hair styled in no way near how it was when I walked in – you would think a stylist would know that the wet look is no longer in style. The regret actually comes from not having her shave my head so that I can just be done with it all! Hey, it works for Bruce Willis!

I promise I’m not high maintenance when it comes to my hair. But I certainly don’t want to look like it got trimmed by a weed-whacker! Sure I can go to CheapCuts ‘R Us and walk out with less hair on my head but I run the risk of also having my ears trimmed as well . . . all for just $9.99!

Why is it that women can justify the amount of money they spend on their manicures, pedicures, highlights, brow waxes and facials as 'neccessary expenses' but when a guy spends more than $15 on a haircut he’s ‘high maintenance’? I think it’s worth the money just to go without all the worrying.

One good thing about the Bruce Willis look: it’s definitely no maintenance!

Friday, July 21, 2006

Worst album covers of all time!

There’s a website that I’ve wanted to blog about for a while but I haven’t because although there is some hilarious stuff on it – there’s also some really off-color humor as well. But since I don’t want you to be deprived I’ve decided to copy and paste just the good stuff. The website is – click at your own risk.

The worst album covers of all time!

"Have you ever been to one of those parties where everyone sits expectantly and watches two people dance around like dorks in a dork shop? Right. No one has, because those parties don't happen. Maybe it was a simpler time when songs like “Poor Little Fool” and “Splish Splash” had some kind of mind controlling power over teenagers. It caused them to pull their pants up too high and wear the worst socks ever made. No wonder there was such condemnation of Rock and Roll in the fifties. Look at what it did to their stupid kids. Granted, this one isn’t terribly offensive, but they get worse."

"That’s right, just 'Joyce'. It practically sells itself. For as much as 50 cents, judging by the price tag. Kudos to the marketing genius who came up with this layout. Little known fact about Joyce: She started the whole “one name” thing for singers. Madonna, Cher, Prince, Pantera…all Joyce wannabes."

"The lost art of using an Olan Mills family portrait as your album cover is lost for a reason, and this is it. Polyester as far as the eye can see, and some insane woman wearing the world’s largest ball of twine on her head. The McKeithen family from left to right- Marsha, JoJack, Ma, and Jebediah. They were as functional as you would imagine any Christian family singing group would be."

"This is not a far cry from the family portrait, except they opted for the “Kountry Kowboy” lame farm background. The least they could have done is bring in a fake section of fence for them to lean on. The first concept for this cover showed the men with a piece of straw in each of their mouths, but that was too much like smoking, and thus too edgy. No one liked the guy on the left, but he coordinated their outfits, so they needed him. Coincidentally, this album is why the popular fashion movement of sweater vests with turtlenecks and checked pants never got started."

(By the way, I bumped into Brian D. in a grocery story parking lot today and he gave me a hard time for not giving him props as the one who orginally sent me this link. So, props to Brian D. - are you happy now?)

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

It's a Boy!

Kelly was right all along (which is usually the case for most things)! We’re having a boy!

We went to our ultrasound appointment yesterday to see how our baby was doing. First things first: we checked the heartbeat – nice and steady at 138 bpm.

Next we checked internal organs: all necessary hardware were accounted for and appeared to be fully operational.

After that we needed just a quick peek to see if we were having a boy or a girl. I started to think that it would be a girl because the baby had obviously picked up Kelly’s modesty –the baby didn’t want to show us anything at first.

Finally the nurse got a good angle and said, “There it is – you’re having a boy!” Kelly said, “Are you sure it’s a boy?” The nurse said, “Oh, it’s pretty obvious! That is definitely a boy!” I just stood there with a big proud grin on my face, “That’s my boy!”

Kelly later looked at this picture and sighed, "I can already tell he has your personality - he's waving and playing up to the camera!"

Now we’re faced with the daunting task of naming this little guy (See previous post What's In A Name). His name will be similar to mine in that his first name will be Robert (named after my dad) but he will go by his middle name. Based upon his first picture, I think the name of Skeletor would be most appropriate . . . which is a great name for a linebacker!

We’ll keep you posted!

Monday, July 17, 2006

My Pie

Although I've come to enjoy blogging, I don't have any misconceptions that my blog provides any valuable content whatsoever to the Internet. But compared to some of the alternatives that Mr. Google will help you find, at least my corner of the web has a point! Case in point, here's my vote for the most pointless website on the Internet - which includes a website I found of some old lady showing off her recent BeDazzler creations!

Side Note: For those of you who don't remember, the BeDazzler was a 1980's infomercial product that stapled rhinestones to your favorite sweater or jean jacket! Why in the world you would want to do that is still beyond me. But for some reason it seemed like a great idea to a girl in my 4th grade class. We all promptly ridiculed and publicly humiliated her for obvious reasons! I guess I kinda feel bad about that . . . o-well!

By the way, just a quick thanks to all of you who have helped my blog pass an only slightly significant milestone recently: 1,000 visitors and counting! Thanks for stopping by! I'll use Said pointless website as motivation to continue my daily pursuit to bring you edgy, hard-hitting rants about nothing in particular . . .

Oh yeah, thanks to Brian D. for passing on the pointless website!

Monday, July 10, 2006

Shocking Confession #1

Alright. If I’m going to “be real” with you people then I guess that means I have to be honest. So here’s my first installment of shocking confessions . . .

When I was 14-years old, I got fired from my first (and favorite) job because I yelled out the f-word in front of store customers! Shocking – but true!

I was working at a baseball card shop down the street. I loved that job. I worked 2 hours everyday after school and as long as I wanted on Saturdays. All the neighborhood kids envied me – I had a cush job making $60 a week! Cha-ching! They asked the owner if they could work there as well but since they weren’t near as responsible as I was (note the sarcasm!) they all had to stay on the customer side of the counter!

That was until the owner hired some punk teenager whose name I have long forgotten. I didn’t like him from the start. There was something about him that made me uneasy! Simply put, I didn’t trust him . . . at all!

Long story short: I came in on my day off and asked Said Delinquent to go through my personal baseball collection to see if I had any that the store could use. Although I never actually saw it happen, I was convinced that while I wasn’t looking he stole one of my prized Nolan Ryan cards. When I called him out he quickly denied everything (lying was not beneath him). An argument pursued complete with raised voices – all in front of other customers (the owner was out at the time). He infuriated me because he wouldn’t fess up to his heinous crime. All I could think to do was pound my fist on the counter, yell, “F--- you!” and storm out the door! Which I did.

Needless to say, I was promptly terminated when I arrived for work the next day. I cried when I told my parents.

I once heard someone say that cussing is an indication of a language deficit – people swear simply because they are not smart enough to say something more intelligent. That obviously was true of me that day.

As for the stolen Nolan Ryan card, I found it in my desk drawer a few days later . . . I loved that job!

Saturday, July 08, 2006

Book Rant: Traveling Light by Max Lucado

It’s been a while since my last Book Rant not because it takes me 2 months to read a book but because the last 2 books I’ve read have been for work and covered the mind-numbing topic of neurological sleeping disorders and their impact on psychiatric therapy.

It would have been too hard to write a review that wouldn’t be as boring as actually reading the books themselves!

But since Max Lucado’s books offer much better blog fodder, allow me to introduce to you Traveling Light.

First, let me give props to Kelly since she was the one who told me this book was a “must-read”. I agree because Lucado uses Psalm 23 to make the point that God does not intend for us to carry burdens.

And for me, that’s the biggest A-ha! of this book. Ever since I first read Psalm 23 I have never quite understood its point. Yeah, its great poetry but “The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want”? I shall not want what? My shepard?

“Your rod and staff comfort me.” Comfort sounds good – but wouldn’t you rather use a nice cushy couch with comfy pillows? Why use sticks?

A table prepared by God just for me can’t be bad. But in the presence of my enemies? Who invited them?

Traveling Light teaches you how David’s word art in the 23rd Psalm paints a beautiful picture of God 's plans to lift our burdens of weariness, discontent, hopelessness, worry, guilt, fear and doubt – just to name a few!

Here are a few of my favorite lines from the book:

Pg. 48 – “The biblical word for worry (mesimnao) is a compound of two Greek words, merizo (“to divide”) and nous (“the mind”). Anxiety splits our energy between today’s priorities and tomorrow’s problems.”

Pg. 52 – “God promises a lamp unto our feet not a crystal ball into the future.”

Pg. 76 – “Celebrate the significance of others. In humility, consider others better than yourself.”

Pg. 90 – “More than a baby died – a dream died.” (Just when I thought I had moved beyond our miscarriage I read these words then suddenly everybody in Pei Wei is wondering why the guy reading a book is so upset.)

Buy it! Read it! Leave your baggage behind!

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Nice ride, buddy!

I can’t think of it at the moment but there’s a word for humanizing objects – giving objects feelings and a personality. Car enthusiasts do this a lot, “She purrs like a kitten.” “He likes to run on the open road.” I do this all the time!

My latest offense occurred yesterday when I shipped my bicycle to its new owner! Yep – I sold my bike! No, I’m not giving up cycling – this is a scheduled upgrade (I can’t wait to get my brand new Cannondale CAAD8 R700 next week!). But just as I was about to close the box and administer packaging tape, I actually peeked inside, glanced at my very first road bike and said to myself, “Nice ride, buddy!” Don’t worry – no one heard me!

I feel like I should apologize for being so sappy but I can’t help it. Every time I walked through the garage it called out to me, “When are we going to hit the road again?” On days when I just didn’t have it I could hear my bike encouraging me, “Let’s go! Dig deep!” When I would head out for just a short 20-mile ride it would say, “C’mon! Let’s do some crazy miles today!” Most times I could hardly resist.

Here’s me and my bike in our greatest moment together – finishing the MS150.

So please excuse me for being a little sentimental. I just want to take a moment and say thanks to a good bike that taught me the love of a great sport!

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Mother Goose Rocks!

For all you people who get upset when President Bush is made fun of – take a chill pill and watch this clip! What makes it so hilarious is that it is actually a children’s video!

U2 fans will get a kick out of this too! There are links below the video for clips that spoof Dave Matthews, Gwen Stefani and Green Day.

(Thanks to for passing this on.)
PS: I have the upmost respect for our President.