Sunday, September 28, 2008

Adjectives That Describe My TV-Viewing Time

Every time I sit down to watch TV I feel some of the following:

Agony, anguish, bitterness, despair, disappointment, dissatisfaction, distress, grief, heartache, letdown, misery, pain, purgatory, ripped off, sorrow, suffering, torture, tribulation, as well as general unhappiness.

Want to know why? Take a closer look at the picture above . . . focus on the right side of the TV screen . . . do you see it????

Yep! Right there on the on the right side of my 40” LCD HDTV is a 4-inch wide column of green who-knows-what!!!!! Just appeared out of nowhere!

For 2 years this Sony Bravia has brought me nothing but heavenly HD precision! But all of a sudden - only 3 weeks into the Cowboys’ regular season – Satan has found himself a foothold within my HDTV!

Kelly first noticed it while watching Oprah. Hmmmm, I wonder if that had anything to do with it!

Demon be out!!!!

Nope, didn’t work – still there! (Both Oprah and the green interference, that is!)

I first tried finding a solution by chatting on-line with Sony’s technical support. Waste of time!

Then, I posted the problem on to try to get an answer from people who actually know something about this stuff. Not much better.

I guess it’s time to lug this thing all the way to a certified Sony repair shop in Richardson. Or I could save money on gas and go down to my local Best Buy and just buy myself a brand new one – it’ll probably be a wash!

I’ll keep you posted.

In the meantime, anyone want to buy a 2-year old LCD HDTV?

Friday, September 26, 2008

The World's Best Boss Is Back!

I haven't been blogging much lately.

I've been camped out in front of my TV waiting for the new season of The Office to start.

Now that it has, I have a sudden unresistable urge to grow out a goatee!

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Smack Home Depot On The Forehead!

It’s usually not until after Halloween when my yuletide radar goes up. Having to listen to Bing Crosby’s Have Yourself A Merry Little Migraine for the entire month of December is bad enough alone.

But when stores beat me into musical submission by pretending it’s Christmas starting the first week of November, I actually pray that I do get run over by reindeer! Maybe then I'll be mercifully put out of my misery!

Thank goodness nobody would have the gall to pull this stuff out in September! That would be utterly inconceiv . . . .



I can’t boycott Home Depot this early in the year! Where else am I supposed to get my [insert inane, over-priced gardening tool that I really don’t need]?

And don’t suggest Lowe’s either – I don’t like Lowes. It’s too . . . . blue!

Yeah, home improvement projects are supposed be done in orange! Why do you think they always use orange signs for highway construction zones?

But now that the temperature has dropped all the way down into the 80’s everyone’s thinking, “Burr! Christmas must be around the corner! Better rush off to Home Depot before they run out of red and green blinking icicle lights and plastic Santa roof ornaments!”

Go ahead, run! We all know those things don't get any cheaper the closer Christmas gets so you better be the first in line!

Doesn’t anyone ever read Ecclesiastes anymore? There a time and place for everything, people! How can we possibly celebrate Christmas in September? It’s only the third week of football, for crying out loud!

Home Depot, you've just been put on notice!

(And don't call me a scrooge or a grinch! I'm right about this! Besides, I prefer "grumpy old man"!)

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Smack Me On The Forehead!

Here's one of those moments where I ended up smacking myself on the forehead . . . unfortunately only those with Facebook accounts will get the full meaning of the story!

It started this morning when allergies caused me to excessively rub my left eye. Unfortunately, that lead to . . .

Problem #1: My contact lense somehow doubled over and slid way up underneath my eye lid! Ack! Who'd ever thought that could happen???

(Actually, this is not the first time this has happened to me!)

As you would think, this lead directly to . . .

Problem #2: Half-blurry double vision. When you look at the world through both eyes but only one contact lense you get half-blurry double vision.

Looking at the world through your good eye is like watching TV in high definition. But looking at the world through your bad eye is like watching that old video of Bigfoot - you think you know what you're looking at but you're not quite sure!

Problem #3: This all occurred while sitting in my car in Granbury, Texas - at least an hour away from home!

Being the good citizen that I am, I gave a public service annoucement of my impaired vision/impaired driving via a Facebook Status update and warned everyone to stay off I-35W for their own safety - I'm such a nice guy!

Now fast forward to later in the day when I received a voice mail from a co-worker asking about a rep of ours out in Midland. I decided to text her back on cell phone and tell her that he had quit and left the company. Here's what I actually wrote:

"Jason quit last month. He's now at a oil/gas drilling company in Midland. Actually a cool deal - the company had been chasing him for months."

Problem #4: Because I was half blind from losing a contact lense, I didn't see that instead of texting my co-worker I was actually texting my Facebook Status update.

Problem#5: Instead of my private text message going only to my co-worker, it was sent to over 200 of my friends on Facebook . . . one of which was Jason!

An hour later, I got a message from Jason, "Uh, why is your Facebook status about me?"

Raise arm. Turn palm towards forehead. Smack!!

The moral of my little story: Get LASIK!!

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

What A Game!

I'm dreery-eyed. I have no voice. And my ears are still ringing.

But those aren't the reasons why I can't sleep at 12:45 AM - it's because I'm so fired about the Dallas freakin' Cowboys!

If you have no idea what I'm talking about then all I can say is that you are not living your life to its fullest potential! Be a Cowboy fan!

My friend Noah scored some choice tickets to tonight's Monday Night Football Game between Dallas and Philadephia. Seeing how this is the last year in Texas Stadium before the Cowboys move to "Jerry World", I wanted to be sure to take it all in.

(Cody, Noah, Jody, Me)

It all started with Cody's best kept secret on how to beat the crowd to the game! I was a little skeptical at first when we had to run across 183 - but it sure beats paying $80 bucks for parking!

Next we had stop and pay homage the "man in the hat". Unfortunately the guy I asked to take the picture was apparently unfamiliar with the functionality of a zoom button! Sheesh! It looks like he took the picture from the other side of the parking lot!

Then we had to stop and grab something to eat. Can you say "Tums"?

After that, we had to stop, stare and simply ask, "Why?"

The sad thing about this guy is that he came to the game by himself!

Finally, we got to celebrate!

My favorite part was seeing Felix Jones get his first kick-off return for a touchdown!

Cowboys 41 - Eagles 37

Go Cowboys!

Sunday, September 14, 2008

On The Road Again . . . And Again . . . And Again!

As some of you know, my car is company issued. I drive it all over this blessed state . . . and them some!

When I got my Escape on Labor Day weekend two years ago, this is what the odometer read:

And this is what it read as of Labor Day weekend two weeks ago:

In the two years I have had this car, I have driven 74,373 miles!

Let's do the math!

- While driving this car, I have averaged 3,100 miles a month for 24 months.

- I have purchased somewhere around 3,725 gallons of gas!

- Me and my company have spent somewhere around $12,085 on gasoline! Gulp!

I would figure up how much money I've spent on speeding tickets during the past 24 months but that would require me to admit that I received such citations . . . and that ain't gonna happen!

I will admit that I did have one teeny, tiny accident but it wasn't my fault - even the police report says so!

As for my new ride? It's a Ford Fusion - sorry, no pics at the moment!

Friday, September 12, 2008

Oh great! One more thing to worry about!

I tripped over this little blurb on . . .

"Scientists cheer atom smasher success"

"Scientists applauded as one of the most ambitious experiments ever conceived began today. The Large Hadron Collider -- designed to simulate conditions of the Big Bang -- was switched on this morning. Skeptics claim the experiment could create a black hole capable of swallowing the Earth."

Does this mean we don't have to worry about global warming anymore?

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Today is obviously a significant day in our country . . . but there’s not much I have to say about it.

I caught myself wondering if I needed to write something about 9-11 and post it today.  But I’m not going to try to say something new just so that something new will be said. Besides, what else can you really say that hasn’t already been said before?    What I can say, I have already said. 

But even on a day like today, I can remain both silent and patriotic.   Just because I will go about my day as usual, other than a few reflective moments, it doesn’t mean I’m unappreciative to be an American or lack compassion for those who died.  

But rather, it’s yet another example of how Heavenly peace, the kind that transcends all understanding, can overflow  one’s heart so that the hurt no longer stings and the questions no longer linger. 

My hope is for those who will spend their day wrapped in pain and questions can soon feel this same peace and return to going about their lives as usual.

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Tate-ism #16

When Tate and I pulled into Krispy Kreme's parking lot this morning, he pointed and said, "Elmo car!"

Random Google Search Results #8

Time to once again check in on how Google misutilization continues to misdirect people to misblog.

In other words, the following are actual Google searches that lead people to Wade's Rantings. The blue text are links to some of the posts Google pulled up.

1. "When should you throw out old underwear?" - This is the other talk your parents should have had with you!

National "Throw Out Your Random, Worthless Collection That Does Nothing But Take Up Space And Clutters Up Your Office" Week

2. "list of things my wife could do to make me happy" - Two things: (1) It's sad that you don't know this on your own and have to ask Google for help and (2) it's sad that you'll be the one doing all the stuff to make her happy once she finds out you made a freakin' list!

How about you make a list like the one below?

20 Random Things I Love About My Wife!

3. "jenni is worthless and does nothing" - Hey, at least she's not a judgemental jerk . . . like some people!

4. "does it snow in roanoke texas" - Does this answer your question?

5. "get up get up you sleepy head, get up get up, get out of bed! good morning, good morning, it’s time to rise and shine" - There would be physical violence if I had to wake up to this every morning!

6. "edmc scam" - Gasp! Shame on you, Jo!

7. "something which is good to know" - Let me get this straight - you're asking an internet search engine for something that's good to know? Wow! You need human interaction . . . fast!

8. "lojack pinky ring" - Sheesh! That must be one expensive pinky ring!

Shocking Confession #3

9. "how do I find out who sat next to me on the flight" - Okaaaayyyyyy!!!! You're either (1) a psycho - in which case I'll say, "It's none of your bee's wax!" - or (2) you're extremely desparate - in which case I'll say, "If she didn't give you her name and number on the flight then I'll doubt she's going to be any more impressed after you tell her you tracked her down through the internet" . . . . psycho!

To The Guy Who Sat Next To Me On My Flight To Fort Lauderdale Earlier This Week . . .

Sunday, September 07, 2008

Let The Yelling And Screaming Begin!

The Dallas Cowboy's regular season is finally here!

When Kelly and I invited a couple over to watch a Cowboy game in a few weeks I felt the need to apologize in advance for systematically ignoring them while yelling and screaming at the TV - it's the least I can do (the yelling and screaming, that is)!

So here are my predictions:

Regular season record: 12-4

NFC Championship: Dallas Cowboys defeat Seattle Seahawks

Super Bowl: Dallas Cowboys defeat San Diego Chargers - Sorry, Susan!

Tony Romo: After throwing for over 450 yards and 4 touchdowns against Cincinnati, Tony Romo is forced to hold a press conference announcing his decision to decline surprise Vice President nominations from both Barack Obama and John McCain. Romo asks, "Didn't they already pick their Vice Presidents?"

Terrell Owens: Keeps getting stomach aches from eating too much popcorn but is able to sleep it off in his hyperbaric chamber.

Jessica Simpson (Tony Romo's girlfriend): Mysteriously disappears moments before the opening kick-off against the Browns but later turns up dazed and confused on the steps of the Dallas Cowboys training facility a week after they win the Super Bowl.

Although several hard core Cowboy fans are questioned, no action is taken by the local police seeing how Simpson's absence more than likely lead to the Cowboys' success.

Go Cowboys!

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Does Anyone See The Irony In This?

I was cruising past my regular websites this morning when I came across this headline on

"Anti-War Protest at GOP Convention Turns Violent

ST. PAUL, Minn. — A protest near the site of the Republican National Convention gave way to violence Monday as demonstrators attacked members of the Connecticut delegation, smashed windows, slashed car tires and threw bottles during an anti-war march, St. Paul police said."

This just proves what a great country we live in! Where else do you have the constitutional right to be a dim-witted moron!

Fight violence with violence? Ooooo, that'll show 'em!