Saturday, February 28, 2009

Kelly-ism #18

In an effort to avoid any confusion, let me clearly restate that I am a guy. And because of this fact, it should be well understood that I have no working knowledge of women’s fashion. You would think that after nearly 10 years of marriage my sweet, loving wife would know this already. However she recently walked into the room wearing a new pair of black shoes for her black dress and asked:

“Do these shoes go with this dress?”

(Side note: Kelly already has some 20 pairs of black shoes in her closet – all of which would perfectly match a black dress.)

Here’s what the typical guy thinks in his head before answering this question:

“WHAT???? She bought another pair of black shoes???? Uh-oh! She’s looking – quick, come up with something to say. Black shoes. Black dress. Black equals black. So . . . . . yes, those shoes go with that dress.”

When I told Kelly that her black shoes did indeed match her black dress (just like all the other black shoes in her closet), she began explaining something about “open toe” versus “closed toe” and my brain immediately began to hurt.

But before I had a chance to go lie down, Kelly returned to proudly present a new purse she had bought by saying:

“Also, I had to get this new purse so I wouldn’t have to get a new dress.”

Let me make sure I understand this right . . . she bought a new purse so she wouldn’t have to buy a new dress . . . . ???

I just stood there completely speechless and defeated by the realization that I don’t understand women’s fashion (or women’s logic) one iota! 

But having said that – if I were to apply Kelly’s fashion logic to myself, I should then be able to buy myself a new pair of Sidi Genius 6.6 Carbon cycling shoes so that I don’t have to buy myself a new bike!

Hey, I think I like women’s fashion after all!

Sunday, February 22, 2009

I Did It!

I want to begin tonight by thanking everyone who made this day possible for me.

(Cue the music!)

My wonderful wife. My adoring son. My golden retriever who daily struggles with co-dependency and submissive-wetting issues. All my friends, family and people who just now stumbled across this blog only because of completely random Google searches.

I didn’t think today would ever happen for me. And now that it’s here, none of you will know just how often I found myself willing to jump off the wagon once again. But you believed in me and now I can say . . .

I have gone 365 straight days without ever once partaking so much as a single sip of a carbonated beverage – including Dr. Pepper, the sweet nectar of the gods!

My personal struggle has been difficult to bear. In the beginning, the headaches and the temptation nearly overpowered me. But now I can bask in the glow of personal achievement!

I’ve been thinking lately of how I might celebrate such a momentous occasion. Pop open a can of fizzy sugar water for ol’ time’s sake? Pick another item to move from my daily menu to my “banned and forbidden” list?

Probably neither. Instead I’ll just remind myself that there’s no habit or behavior that I couldn’t quit cold turkey so long as it was something that I really wanted to do. At some point, I just have to get sick of doing whatever it is I’m doing and tell myself, “Never again.”

If I let them, those can be very powerful words.

(And no!  I will never ever give up Blue Bell and Magic Shell!  To even suggest such a thing is to blaspheme!)

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Oh yeah! I have a blog!

I’m sorry to admit that my blog has fallen down my list of priorities as of late.

The new job is great but I come home with my head spinning so much that I haven’t had the mental capacity to create a coherent thought for the blogosphere.

I’ll try to do better . . .

I flew out to San Francisco with my dad a couple weeks ago to talk with a pharmaceutical company about doing clinical trials for them.

Knowing my family the way I do, I kept my guard up while expecting a “Griswald moment” to strike at anytime. It seems like every time my dad flies he gets interrogated by TSA agents as if he’s suspected of being some traveling Afghan chieftain with secret ties to the Taliban.

But actually the moment of note came mid-flight around 28,000 feet. I had my iPod rocking and I was hyperfocused on my book when I was tapped on the arm by the lady sitting next to me.

Lady: “Excuse me, are you familiar with this flight pattern?”

Me: “Uh . . . what do you mean by familiar with this flight pattern?”

She pointed out the window, “Well, we’re flying over snow – are we supposed to be flying over snow?”

Me: “ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .”

Lady: “Do you think we should be flying over snow?”

Me: “Uh . . . . well, I’m fairly confident the pilot knows where he’s going.”

I spent the rest of the flight watching her out of the corner of my eye and thinking what an odd question that was to ask someone.

I couldn’t believe my eyes the next day when I saw the same woman sitting behind me in my meeting. I was tempted to walk up to her during one of the breaks, point to the floor and ask, “Excuse me, are you familiar with this carpet pattern?”

Next month is Orlando. Is anyone out there familiar with the commercial flight patterns between D/FW and Orlando, Florida?

You know, just in case I see Crazy Question Lady again.