Thursday, July 30, 2009

Go Texas Rangers!

Here's my professional sports disclaimer: There's only one sport that I'm a true hardcore fan of (GO COWBOYS!), so all the others have a performance-based existence for me. The better you play, the more I'll tune in.

It's not that I'm a "fair weather fan" and that I only care if a team is doing well but rather that I feel that it's idiocracy to watch mediocrity. Most professional athletes are paid millions to perform so why would should I tune in to watch a sub .500 performance.

Having said that . . .

Let me congratulate the Texas Rangers for actually holding my attention throughout the summer from the end of the Dallas Maverick's season (don't get me started on that one!) to the beginning of Cowboy Training Camp!

And for those of you who may accuse me of "jumping on the band wagon", let me dust off fan club membership card (Member since 1982) and review my credentials of why I've always been a Ranger fan at heart.

1. One of my favorite gifts growing up was my Oddibe McDowell Rookie Card.

2. My sister worked for the Texas Rangers when I was in 5th Grade. She always took me to the games with her. I had a front row seat every night - that is, until the ticket holder or usher ran me off.

(My sister was hired for program sales but was quickly relegated to "dugout duties" which including running water out to the officials during the 7th Inning Stretch. Mitch Williams once asked her out not realizing that she was only 17)

3. I booed Steve Buechele every time he was up to bat.

4. For some strange reason, I can still name the 1989 Opening Day Starters: Buddy Bell, Steve Buechele, Cecil Epsy, Charlie Hough, Ruben Sierra, Scott Flectcher, Geno Petralli, Julio Franco and Pete Incaviglia.

(This is the only year I know!)

5. In the summer of 1993 I saw Juan Gonzales hit two grand slams.

6. The only part of Nolan Ryan's career that I feel is of any consequence is during his time as a Texas Ranger.

So congrats to the Ranger for actually keeping me entertained throughout the summer. At the rate they're playing, I won't notice the Cowboys for at least another 6-8 weeks!
By the way, Derek Holland is a stud!

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

"I Watch Monster Trucks!"

I had the opportunity to take Tate to his first monster truck rally last Friday.

(OK, it was a first for me, too!)

There are plenty of things I could say (ie: jokes) about my fellow audience members but I'll just leave that alone and instead simply ask . . . is it really necessary to sing both the National Anthem as well as Lee Greenwood's I'm Proud To Be An American?

The funny thing was how most of the crowd sang Lee Greenwood's song with more passion than they did the National Anthem. Don't get me wrong - I bleed red, white and blue with the rest of them - but do we really need to fight through a cassette recording-fed-through-the-PA-system-version of that song just so that we can prove to the terrorists that nothing is going to stop us from using gawdy monster trucks to crush poor, helpless junk cars from the 70's & 80's?

But I digress! Now on to the good stuff . . .

Here's video of Tate not quite for sure what to think of the ear-splitting monster trucks popping wheelies over junk cars. He eventually relaxed and enjoyed himself - so much that ever since last Friday night, all Kelly and I have heard him say is, "I watch monster trucks!"

Thursday, July 09, 2009

Tate vs. The Church of Later-Day Saints

You know those moments when you're trying to help your wife out the door for her Girls' Night Out while at the same time trying to keep your impatiently hungry two-year old from knawing on the floorboards?

Well, add to that your friendly neighborhood Missionary-Mormon-On-A-Bicycle standing at your front door!

Umph! I've got nothing against these guys - honestly, I actually admire the way they proactively speak about their faith and practice evangelism. I just wish they wouldn't proactively speak and evangelize when I'm having one of those moments.

Then again, I'm the knucklehead who answered the door!


Me: [failed smile] . . . Hi . . .

(The first thing I noticed was that he looked like he was about to have a heat stroke - but what else should you expect when you wear a tie and black pants when it's four thousand degrees outside!)

Mr. Mormon: Hi, my name is [can't remember] and I'm spending time in your neighborhood asking folks like you what you think about your salvation.

Me: . . . . uh . . . . .

(Why am I always at a loss of words when I'm put on the spot like this?!?!?!)

[Enter Tate from Stage Right. He obviously assumed he was allowed to use his outside voice simply because the front door was open. It was all I could do to keep Tate from bolting out the open door and taking off down the street.]


Mr. Mormon: . . . . uh . . . . .

(I love watching 20-year olds struggle to hold a conversation with my 2-year old!)

Mr. Mormon: . . . . um, as I was saying, have you considered a relationship with Jesus Christ?

(Dang! This guy is good!)

Me: [I go into a 2-minute rambling explanation about he need not worry because we were Christians. I somehow ended with the hardly-convincing phrase, "So, we're all good!" Yeah, that'll convince him!]

Tate: I WAKE UP!!!

(Apparently Tate wanted to address any confusion as to his status following his afternoon nap.)

Mr. Mormon: [failed smile] . . . I can see that!

(Apparently the Church of Latter Day Saints failed to prepare him on what to do when a 2-year old keeps interrupting his Come-to-Jesus Moment!)

Mr. Mormon: So, how has your relationship with Christ played a role in your family?

Me: C'mon, man! (Yeah, I actually said "C'mon, man!") My wife and I are following God's plan in our marriage and in our family. I apprecaite that you've stopped by - have a nice day!


[And with that, Mr. Mormon was thoroughly confused!]

From now on, I think I'm just going to let Tate handle all the conversations about my salvation.

Bring on the Hira Krishnas!!