Saturday, December 29, 2007

Wade, The Handy-Dandy Floor-Layin' Man!

I put myself to good use these past 2 days and completed a project that had been on my To-Do List ever since we built our house several years ago . . . lay flooring down in the attic!

Oooooo! Exciting stuff, isn't it?

The only problem with my sudden motivation to get handy around the house is that I'm no Bob Vila!

In fact, I'm more like Tim Taylor - the funny guy who's better off letting someone else handle the power tools!

But an overflow of Christmas decorations, baby items that needed to be stored away until baby #2 (which is not happening anytime soon!), and a long list of stuff that probably should just be thrown away meant that I needed to make better use of my dark, drab, floorless attic.

So first, I added light . . . and it was good!

Then (thanks to Mike, a good friend who has lotsa cool power tools!) I put in floors . . . and it was good!

But the best part was that I did it all without having to spend quality time at our local emergency room . . . and Kelly said, "It was good!"

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Tagged . . .

I've been tagged again . . .

This time it's by Get Off My Lawn! - a blog I tripped over not too long ago. I found Lawn (as I'll call him) immediately endearing as we have both learned to embraced the grumpy old men within. Take a moment to stop by and even say hello. But consider yourself warned - I don't think he likes it when people walk on his lawn!

(Love that blog title, by the way!)

Now, on with the meme. Here are the rules:

1) Post a note about a blogger you would like to see something wonderful happen for. Maybe one whose posts have touched your heart in one way or another. Include details as to why you admire them and what you wish for them. Be as supporting and affirming as you can.

2) Post your favorite memory around selflessness, giving, or doing for others. Something that has actually changed you.

3) As a postscript, name one thing you will actually do for someone in your life before December 31 that is born out of joy.

4) Tag 3 other bloggers who will play the game and find the spirit. Don't forget to leave a comment on their blog so they continue to share the good feelings.

Sounds easy enough, right?

1. Helen - If you don't read her blog then you should. And if you do read her blog then you know that she is definitely deserving of something wonderful to happen in her life! She's had a rough go at it lately and could probably use a little encouragement. Hang in there, Helen!

Blessed Assurances - Another blog that should be on your radar screen. Susan (a crazy high school friend of mine who knows too many of my crazy high school stories!) and her husband Jeff are hoping for a little wonderful bundle of joy. I desperately hope that for them as do so many others! Hopefully this will be their last Christmas as just Susan & Jeff!

The A-Team - Want a good reason why Jody & Janell deserve something wonderful to happen? They're raising twins! And if you've ever googled 'raising twins' then you'll know that it ain't easy! But despite all the challenges they face (most of which strike the fear of God in me!), both Jody & Janell come off like pro's - although more like exhausted pro's! All the more reason why I wish something wonderful for them!

2. I once pulled over to help 2 old ladies whose car had broken down out in the middle of nowhere (between Comanche and Brownwood, Texas) during a hot Texas summer. Since I have the mechanical IQ of a dead hamster and didn't have a clue how to fix their car, I instead used my friendliest, most-trustworthy smile to offer to drive them to a relative's house 45 minutes away. I could tell they were a bit leery of me at first but they accepted my offer.

During the drive, I talked non-stop about my then-pregnant wife and my small group in hopes of reassuring them that they didn't have anything to worry about. I don't know why I did that other than maybe then they wouldn't think I was some psycho serial killer . . . because we all know that psycho serial killers don't have pregnant wives and don't go to weekly bible studies.

Apparently it worked because they both fell asleep in my car! No joke! Think about it - 2 old women who spent 2 hours in the heat and then sit in an air-conditioned car with some babbling idiot who won't shut up about his church and family . . . I'd act like I fell asleep, too!

I actually felt bad when I had to wake them up once we got to Stephenville because I didn't know where their relative's house was.

Once we got there, they were sweet and offered to pay me for my inconvenience. I declined and drove away just happy that I was able to help.

3. I know I need to do something for Kelly. She works hard everyday with Tate and never complains! I'll think of something good and then share it later.

4. I'll tag Jennifer because she tagged me not too long ago . . .

. . . Chris & Sarah because I've never tagged them before and I'm curious if they'll do it . . .

. . . and Wendy because maybe then she'll throw in more pictures of Casen just for the heck of it - and you can never go wrong with more Casen pictures!

Thanks for the tag, Lawn!

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

No Home For A Tree

Am I the only one who feels sorry for the trees that don't get picked in time for Christmas?

I know - kinda sappy.

But don't worry, they'll soon be turned into useful products such as tongue depressors, golf tees and particleboard!

Monday, December 24, 2007

Merry Christmas!

Ah, yes! The annual trip to the local shopping center to visit Santa Claus. No doubt the highlight of every child's Christmas season!

But you'd be crying too if you heard what this creepy-lookin' Santa had just whispered in their ears!

Ever wanted to know how Santa really felt about his gig at the mall? Just take a closer look at Santa's left hand!

Although little Mikey and Matthew were unaware, Jessica knew something was up when upon closer inspection she realized this year's Santa was really just a mannequin the mall had borrowed from Macy's.

Santa will have one of two effects on most children. One child will glow with Christmas joy while another will experience fear itself - especially if Santa is wearing make-up!

While most older children delight in telling their siblings that there really is no Santa Claus, Mary chose this moment to instead tell Jeffrey that he was really a girl and Susan that she had actually been adopted from a family of coneheads!

The twins agree - vertical stripes do nothing to slim Santa's figure.

Some kids like to show how tough they are by shaving their hair into a mohawk and wearing skull & bones t-shirts with camo pants. But we all know that Santa's lap is the real litmus test for true toughness!

Have you ever seen a Santa mail it in any worse than this guy? Of course she's screaming! I bet he didn't even start growing out his beard until October!

The first thing they teach you in Shopping Mall Santa Class is that screaming children aren't near as bad after your 4th Crown & Coke!

Hope you don't have anything to scream about during your holidays!
Thanks to Dad-N-Law for forwarding us these pictures!

Sunday, December 23, 2007

QOTW: Hey Santa! Duck And Cover!

It looks as though the 'signs that the end of world is near' theme remains appropriate for our weekly QOTW recap.

I have to say that I'm quite concerned that we may be seeing a new trend as last year's results from this same question were a bit more, let's say . . . passive!

Out of 14 votes to this same question a year ago, I was the only one who had no issue with filling a Santa intruder full of chocolate chip cookies, milk and several rounds of buckshot. Meanwhile there were 7 of you who would have used up 2 GB on your digital cameras with photo evidence that the fat man in red actually exists!

But apparently something's different this year because Santa doesn't stand a chance if shows up without his SWAT team gear!

What gives? Did Santa get a little too handsy during last year's photo-op or something? Sheesh!

Regardless of what has drawn your disdain for Father Christmas, I feel that it's my responsibility however to give you fair warning that, according to Weird Al Yankovic's The Night Santa Went Crazy, Jolly Old St. Nick can be pushed only so far! In other words, what goes around comes around!


"You're woken early Christmas morning by a man wearing a red suit placing presents under your tree."

Total votes: 11

You assume you're dreaming and go back to bed: 0% (0 votes)

You hide your family in a closet and call the police: 27% (3 votes)

You gather the kids around for a photo-op: 9% (1 vote)

You get trigger happy with your 12 gauge shotgun!: 63% (7 votes)

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Grumpy Old Man Incident #1

Searching for a sign of the impending apocalypse? Then look no further than today's teenagers . . . particularly those found in my neighborhood!

Apparently I haven't been taking my medication for my Grumpy Old Man Syndrome because a series of events tonight ended with me standing in the middle of my street and yelling at some local punks.

Instead of trying to explain what happened let me just say that it involved said-hoodlums running out in front of my car on purpose (??????) and me asking in a not-so-polite-infact-quite-aggrevated-and-loud voice to 'please stay on the sidewalk' . . . but not in so many words!

I dunno, maybe stupid is the new cool for kids these days.

I probably wouldn't have twisted off on them so quickly had I not known that these were the same teenagers who have been recently picking on a couple of younger kids on our street.

From there I went to our local shopping mecca and quickly noticed a widespread lack of parental supervision as every teenager born in northeast Tarrant County between 1989 and 1993 was congregating in packs of 20 on the sidewalk - making it quite difficult for me to get by with Tate in his stroller!

I tried to be polite at first: "Excuse us!" "Do you mind if we slip by?"

After a while I discovered a far more efficient phrase: "Make a hole!"

A couple thoughts jumped around in my head as I drove home: (1) I can't possibly be turning into a grumpy old man - I'm only 32! (2) If those punk kids mess with me again I'm gonna ring their necks!

I think it's time for me to go take my medication!

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Now I'm Just Mad!!

What can possibly be worse than getting a stomach virus for the 3rd time in as many months?: Getting a stomach virus the day before your niece is born!

So while everyone else is at the hospital today anticipating Morgan's arrival, I'm home in bed anticipating my next dash to the bathroom!

I can't tell you how mad I am right now!

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Tagged . . .

Jennifer got me with a 12 Random Things About Christmas meme . . .

1. Have I ever mentioned that it bugs me when stores play Christmas music before Thanksgiving? It also bugs me how commercialized Christmas has become. I recently tripped over a new blog that covered this topic very well!

2. That being said, I usually get hit with the Christmas fever around the 20th or so - at which point I'm having a holly, jolly Christmas . . . and a happy new year!

3. My favorite Christmas present growing up: Bonkers - my half-golden retreiver, half-cocker spaniel that I loved dearly for nearly 10 years. We named him Bonkers because he could have benefitted from a daily dose of Ritalin.

4. (Spoiler Alert!) I remember when I realized that there was no Santa. Some kid at school was going around the playground breaking the bad news to everyone. It didn't bother me because I never really believed in Santa in the first place. I just remember thinking, "Of course Santa's not real - no real person would come through the chimney!"

5. Although I knew there really wasn't a Santa, I always allowed myself to have fun imagining that he was real.

6. Although I love living in Texas, I still get a little bummed every year we don't have a white Christmas.

7. My parents have a great tradition of giving "Spirit of Christmas" gifts on Christmas Eve. They aren't gifts on our wish list but rather gifts my parents want give us - hence the name "Spirit of Christmas". I always got bummed as a little kid when I'd open it up and it would be a book, a framed picture of our family or some other kind of momento. But as an adult, it's one of my favorite gifts.

8. My "Spirit of Christmas" disappointment was always short lived because of the great stockings gifts we got on Christmas morning. Stockings are a big deal in my family - and still are with Kelly and I. We got cassette tapes, VHS movies, toys, etc. And each gift was individually wrapped.

9. There was always something magical about running to our living room and seeing the Christmas tree surrounded by all the presents including the 'big one' from Santa. Half of me wanted to just stand there and stare in awe . . . the other half wanted to rip everything open - truly one of the greatest moments in a kid's life!

10. The worst Christmas present I've given Kelly: A heating pad to use when she had cramps! This was back in Year 1 or 2 - I was actually using my active listening skills because she had kept saying how she wished she had a good heating pad. Although it wasn't the main gift I gave her that year, the look on her face when she opened it let me know that my active listening skills weren't as finely tuned as I thought!

11. The best Christmas present I've given Kelly (so far!): I had her wedding ring updated!

12. Usually the song Twelve Days of Christmas makes me want to shove fists full of tinsel in my ears. But I've been known to stop and listen (and giggle!) if it's being sung by the greatness of John Denver and The Muppets!

Thanks for the tag, Jennifer!

I'll tag Kelly so she'll have a chance to complain about having to wrap each stocking gift individually . . .

. . . Keri because she'll be "none too happy!" . . .

. . . Audra because it's time for her to update her blog . . .

. . . and EDMC because she tagged me a couple weeks ago!

Here are the rules:

1. List 12 random things about yourself that have to do with Christmas.

2. Please refer to it as a 'hoopla' and not the dreaded 'm'-word.

(Whoops! I think I broke this rule!)

3. You have to specifically tag people when you're done. None of this "if you're reading this, consider yourself tagged" stuff is allowed...then nobody ends up actually doing it. The number of people who you tag is really up to you -- but the more, the merrier to get this 'hoopla' circulating through the blogosphere.

4. Please try and do it as quickly as possible. The Christmas season will be over before we know it and I'd like to get as many people involved as possible.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

What A Year It Has Been!

You may have noticed that I allowed Tate's first birthday to pass without so much as a comment or photo. That's because I've been busy working on his video.

Happy Birthday Buddy-Boy!

In case you'd like some more, here's the video I did after Tate's first week.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Random Google Search Results #3

EDMC gave me permission to continue to piggy-back her great idea so . . .

To once again prove that some people think Google has an answer for everything (and it does!), here's another installment of random Google searches that have lead people to Wade's Rantings. I added a link to the post that Google found.

1. "accidentally dropped something down car a/c vent" - It wasn't your wedding ring, was it?

Shocking Confession #3

2. "controlling your husband" - I'd like to file a complaint with Google for this one as there is absolutely nothing on this blog having anything to do with controlling one's husband . . . and I resent any insinuation to the contrary!

3. "remember the alamo i forgot who won" - Yet another example of why Texas History should be taught in all American schools!

Sigh! . . . The Mexican Army of over 6,000 men led by General Lopez de Santa Anna fought 200 Texan volunteers at the Alamo Mission in San Antonio, Texas in March 1836. Only 6 of the volunteers survived the battle but they were soon executed because Santa Anna would not give quarter to 'revolutionaries'. Legend has it that Davy Crockett was one of the 6 but nobody knows for sure. Susanna Dickenson said that she saw Crockett's body by the garrison where he fell supposedly during the battle.

Later at the Battle of San Jacinto, Sam Houston yelled, 'Remember the Alamo!' as a rallying cry and led the Texans in a surprise attack against the Mexican Army. 600 Mexican soldiers were killed in less than 20 minutes. General Santa Anna was captured and Texas won its independence.

The stars at night
Are big and bright!
(Clap, clap, clap, clap!)
Deep in the heart of Texas!

I know, I'm a history snob. And I have no earthly idea how this Google search brought up my blog.

4. "what do you do when your mother-in-law chokes you?" - Get a restraining order!

Do You Do The Heimlich?

5. "Is it a good idea to air out dirty laundry in church?" - Umm . . . based upon the title of my post on this subject, a little discretion in this area will probably be greatly appreciated by your fellow parishioners!

Please Air Out Your Dirty Laundry Someplace Else!

Sunday, December 09, 2007

QOTW: O Tannenbaum, O Tannenbaum 2007!

I know, I know - this post is a retread from last year. But not all 300 posts can be original! Plus, this is a pretty good annual debate!

Now let's first take a moment to marvel at Kelly's lovely yuletide decorating. Note the fiber-optic snowman in the corner that turns a bit psychedelic after you get loaded up on Dr. Pepper . . . .

. . . . ok, continuing on now!

Let me re-issue the Pro's & Con's of real and artificial Christmas trees.

1. Drive to a tree lot, fight for a parking space, lay claim to the most non-odd looking tree on the lot, haggle over the price of said-non-odd-looking-tree with some guy who has a Marlboro hanging out of the corner of his mouth, strap said-oddity to the roof of your car, admire the affinity between tree sap and the roof of your car, and drive home at a snail's pace so the wind doesn't strip all the needles off of your over-priced freak of nature.


2. Bring artificial Christmas tree down from your attic.


3. Finally finish 2 hours of stringing lights, hanging ornaments and balancing a tree topper only to have your wife come in and say in a very unimpressed tone, "It's still leaning too far to the right!"


4. Spend only 45 minutes propping artificial tree perfectly straight up in stand, plugging in pre-hung lights, hanging ornaments and a tree topper.


5. Notice your real tree going up in flames because it caught fire from the Christmas lights after you forgot to keep it watered!


6. Watch your neighbor haul his charred Christmas tree to the curb because it nearly burnt his entire house down . . . while reminding yourself that your artificial tree is fire-retardant.


7. Once Christmas is over, pay a $250 ticket because you got caught dumping your real tree in a ditch on the side of highway!


8. Spend all of 30 minutes after Christmas taking down your artificial tree and putting it back in the attic.


I guess that settles it! Get an artificial tree!_____________________________________________

"A real Christmas tree or an artificial Christmas tree?"

Total votes: 16

Nothing beats the smell of a real Christmas tree!: 25% (4 votes)

Artificial! Trees lots are a scam!: 75% (12 votes)

Friday, December 07, 2007

300th Post!

I remember a conversation Jody and I had a few years ago about blogs. I remember saying , "What da' heck is a blog?", "Why can't they just call it what it is - a website!" and "You'll never find me wasting my time writing a blog!"


300 posts later, we can all see that I am perfectly capable of change! (Just don't tell Kelly!)

So I've been trying to think of something clever to write for my 300th post - like 300 Random Things You Didn't Know About Wade.

(Ugh! I'd rather poke myself in the eye 300 times!)

But instead, I'll just issue a great big Thank You to all you in the blogosphere who, for some reason, actually keep stopping by to see what I have to say.

I can only imagine what the next 300 posts will bring!

Thursday, December 06, 2007

I Got Some Great News This Week!

I get to keep my job!

Following a series of unfortunate events (the details of which I won't bother boring you all to death with), my company decided that "ensuring future corporate prosperity" (how's that for generic business speak) meant giving some of us severance packages for Christmas!

From a business perspective, I actually understand why they had to do it. I even understand why they needed to do it during the holiday season (tax right-off; plus, it keeps the 2008 books clean). What I struggled with was how they went about doing it.

We got an email a week ago saying that severance packages were coming for some of us. Unfortunately it didn't say who. Since our managers were in the same boat as us, none of them knew either. So we just sat around for a week (literally in some cases!) waiting to find out who would get the ax.

Yesterday was D-Day. If you got a phone call from your manager (assuming your manager hadn't already been let go) then you were safe. If you got a phone call some random person from Human Resources that you didn't know from Adam . . . well, we hope you enjoy having a little extra time to spend with your family this Christmas. And oh, don't spend that severance check all at once - that's supposed to last you for a few months!

I got a phone call from my manager.


I have to share with you all that I really was at peace with whatever happened. I spent time in prayer with God. I spent time talking with Kelly. Although I had no idea what would happen, I had a sense that things would be OK either way. I kept reminding myself of Jeremiah 29 when God says, "For I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you."

I kept focusing on the fact that God has plans not to harm me. Getting laid-off certainly wouldn't be any fun. But that wouldn't mean that God had suddenly decided to stop providing for Kelly, Tate and I. And since nothing happens by accident without God's knowledge, I had a peace within me that even if I did get laid-off, God would continue to provide for us in another way - and in doing so, He would reveal yet again how truly faithful and wonderful He really is!

So as the dust continues to settle let me say how grateful I am that not only do I still have a job; but even more grateful that I (and you all, too) have a Heavenly Father who looks out for us and provides for us all that we need . . . simply because He loves us too much to do otherwise.

Please pray for those, both at my company and elsewhere, who will go through this Christmas without a job. May they be gainfully employed by a company who has never heard of such a terrible thing called lay-offs!

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Tagged . . .

EDMC tapped me on the shoulder with a meme. This one you take the first letters of your middle name and find adjectives starting with the same letter that describe you.

Yet another fine example of how simplicity sometimes can go hand-in-hand with higher degrees of difficulty.

Witty - Although not near as witty as I would like to think of myself to be, I love to make Kelly and Tate laugh - so therein lies the reason for my constant search of the next punchline . . . or barf sound, depending upon my audience.

(By the way, this little exercise has brought to my attention the disturbing shortage of adjectives beginning with the letter 'w'. I had to choose between witty, wacky, womanly, weak, and whimsical. So yeah, I'm witty.)

Axiomatic - Kelly says she can read me like a book. There's a part of me that wishes I could be an unpredictable enigma. But I think part of human nature is the need to feel known and understood - and that would be me!

Debonair - Let me guess, now you're thinking I'm delusional, right?

Eclectic - Which is what Kelly's calls my music collection on my iPod. Hey, I can't help it if I have a refined, albeit deaf, ear.

Thanks, EDMC! Let's give Keri, Tara and Audra a try.

Saturday, December 01, 2007

Last Week's QOTW: It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas!

Had to wait to post this one until I finished with the lights. Which apparently puts me in the category of decorating on December 1st.

The roof is dying to have some lights added up there but since I'm trying my best not to fall off a roof this holiday season it's not going to happen - because we all know that the first thing that would happen as soon as I step foot on that roof would be for me to fall off of it!

Maybe Keri's husband can swing by and throw them up for me!

It's funny how every year while putting up the lights I always think of the that scene from Christmas Vacation and hope it doesn't happen to me.

Now that I've got the outside lights up ( . . . and working!) , it's on to the Christmas tree!


"When will you decorate for Christmas?"

Total votes: 26

Already decorated! (Sorry, Wade!): 15% (4 votes)

As soon as we clear the Thanksgiving table: 30% (8 votes)

December 1st: 34% (9 votes)

December 15th-ish: 3% (1 vote)

Bah, humbug!: 15% (4 votes)

Thursday, November 29, 2007


I was floored by how floored some guy at the grocery store was that an 11-month old would be wearing a Beatles t-shirt (thanks to a really nice cousin in NoCal).

"Are you really Beatle fans?"

I gave him a look as if to say, "Uh . . . who isn't?"

He proceeded to talk about the Beatles like they were some obscure be-boop group from the 60's that no one had ever heard of.

"I was one of their biggest fans growing up. I even had tickets to see them in Toronto . . . but I didn't go because I got strep throat."

Strep throat, huh? You couldn't fight through strep throat to see the Beatles? Some fan you are!

I told him my aunt-in-law saw them at Candlestick with an air of authority as if I had actually been there myself. It had the intended affect.

"Wow! The Beatles in San Francisco?"

"Yep, 1966. It was great."

"Well, it's was sure nice talking to you."

"Anytime at all."

This video's for you, Aunt B!

(Update: I changed the video because I finally found one that was actually from the concert at Candlestick . . . still can't find Aunt B in the crowd shots, though.)

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

My Eyes Are Stressed!

Central Serous Retinopathy.

That's medical-ese for "vision in my right eye is blurry".

About a month ago I noticed the vision in my right eye had gone blurry. Thinking it had something to do with a new set of contacts I had just started, I first accused my optometrist of jacking with my prescription.

After two return visits to my optometrist and an hour-and-a-half long retinal interrogation by an opthamologist, I've been diagnosed with central serous retinopathy.

In layman's terms, the capillaries in the back of my eye burst open and leaked plasma (???) which caused a little bump underneath my retina. The bump is causing my blurred vision.

The opthamologist said that it's not serious and should resolve itself in about 3 to 6 months.

Er . . . excuse me? Did you say 3 to 6 months? You mean that I'm going to be giving people the one-eyed Popeye stare for the next 3 to 6 months?

Do I even have to describe to you how difficult it is to ride my bike with only one eye open? It's a freggin' ambulance-ride-to-the-ER waiting to happen!

Well isn't this just peachy!

My doctor said that it's actually common among thirty-somethings who work in a high-stress environment.

"Have you been particularly stressed lately?"

I went into freeze-frame for a nanosecond as I pondered if there was anything stressful in my life at the moment. Hmmmm . . . .

- I'm launching a new product line at work which means higher quotas and more travel time.

- Despite the new product launch, my company is threatening lay-offs . . . a month before Christmas!

- Two words: Single income.

- Kelly and I have an 11-month old who doesn't seem to care much about crawling and/or walking.

- Kelly and I are trying to decide on a new church home.

- My grandmother died last month.

- I'm helping my Dad with a few projects as he expands his practice into a new location.

- I'm blatantly neglecting our golden retriever because at the end of the day I'm too dogged-gone exhausted to play with her.

- Oh, and I can't see squat out of my right eye!

"Gee, doc, no more stressed than usual."

Laser surgery is out because it apparently isn't any more effective than eye drops. Eye drops are a beating because you have to take them 3 times a day and there's no guarantee they'll make any difference.


What I don't get is that if you put plasma behind your TV screen you see things more clearly. But if you put plasma behind your retina the whole world looks like a bad hangover . . . not that I would know what that looks like!

So let me issue this Public Service Announcement for those of you in the North Texas area: Don't get mad during the next 3 to 6 months if I nearly run you over in my car while you're walking down the right side of the road - chances are you were just in my blind spot!

Keep on my left North Texas!

Friday, November 23, 2007

Christmas Season Is Officially Open!

Let me be the first to wish you all a Merry Christmas!

(And if by chance you are offended by me wishing you a Merry Christmas then you are more than welcome to take a moment to learn how to just deal with it!)

Speaking of dealing with it, I've decided to come up with my a Top 5-Bottom 5 list of Christmas carols to be on the look-out for.

Any time I listen to the Top 5 there's a pretty good chance I'll actually sing along and get into the holiday spirit. Any time I listen to the Bottom 5 I have a sudden urge to drive my car off an embankment!

Starting off with the Top 5, #1 being the best:

(By the way, these audio players take a moment to load the song, just keep clicking Play and it'll eventually come up.)

#5 Little Saint Nick - The Beach Boys

It sounds just like 30 other songs by The Beach Boys, but hey, this one's about Christmas!

4. Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas - Frank Sinatra

Any Christmas carol sung by Ol' Blue Eyes is worth a listen.

3. Carol of the Bells - Trans-Siberian Orchestra

How else can you improve upon a Ukrainian folk song than by adding a little electric guitar? Rock on, Sweet Baby Jesus!

2. O Holy Night - The version by John Williams

A partridge and a pear tree for anyone who can name the movie this version of O Holy Night appeared in. Hint: Yesterday, he was just a kid. Tonight, he is a home security system.

1. God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen/We Three Kings - Barenaked Ladies & Sarah Maclachlan

So good you could listen to it all year long!

And now the Bottom 5 - Listen at your own risk!

5. Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer - By Various Struggling Artists

Quick question, how does an old lady getting trampled by a deer prove the existence of Santa Claus?

4. Santa Baby - Madonna

Is it just me or does Santa seem a bit like a seedy old man when you think about Madonna singing this song to him?

3. 12 Days of Christmas - Bing Crosby

Nothing against Bing, but any repetitious song that is played repetitiously for 4 weeks straight would put anyone on strong medication!

2. Little Drummer Boy - Wade Strzinek

That's right, despite my begging and pleading not to, my 7th grade music teacher made me sing this song AS A FREGGIN' SOLO in front of my entire Junior High School. This isn't an actual recording but it might as well be because I sang it in soprano seeing how I had yet to hit puberty! Now you can all understand my socially deprived childhood!

Needless to say, I cringe every time I hear this song!

1. Wonderful Christmastime - Paul McCartney

This song is proof what happens when Sir Paul tries to write a song without the advantages of mind-altering controlled substances - it's horrible! Seriously, I get a serious case of bleeding ears every time I hear it!

On that happy note, I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas season!

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

IKEA: The Den of Satan!

"Wade, can you do me a favor and run by IKEA and pick up some shelves for me this weekend?"

When Kelly uttered those words to me last week, I should have come up with an excuse. I should have complained. I should have faked an illness. Thrown a temper tantrum. Anything!

Because nothing could have prepared me for the most painfully horrific shopping experience in the history of ever!

Less than 2 minutes after I had walked through the door for the very first time, I suddenly learned something new about myself . . . I hate IKEA!

For starters, what's with the rat maze that takes half a weekend to work your way through?

Seriously, before you can actually purchase anything they make you endure a physical challenge that is a maddening never-ending maze with pathways narrower than a Swedish message table and lined with furniture with names that not even the employees can pronounce because they're written in freggin' Swedish!

I've never been one to pull out the "this is America so speak English" card, but this is freggin' America so speak some English, will ya'?

What's wrong with the Home Depot or Lowe's system? Everything is sectioned off by aisles. You want a hammer? Go to Aisle 13. Light bulb? Aisle 7. And the cool thing about Home Depot or Lowe's is that the tag actually says 'hammer' so if there is any doubt in your mind you can look down and say, "Yep, this is a hammer."

Simplicity is wonderful thing . . . especially for the simple-minded such as myself.

I'm not kiddin', folks. Who ever came up with IKEA's store concept must have Swedish meatballs for brains because I just don't get it!

And in case any of you would beg to differ, just know that Google returned 1.57 millions results for the words "I hate IKEA". So obviously I'm not the only one who feels this way!

Monday, November 19, 2007

Here's the 411 on 411 . . .

I learned something new today . . .

. . . instead of paying $2 to call Information for a phone number, you can text your request to Googl (or 46645 - the e in Google is intentionally left off to accomodate a 5-digit text number) and you'll get a return text in just a few moments with an address and phone number.

For instance, I was looking for Chili's in Weatherford, TX today so I texted "chili's weatherford texas" and a moment later I received via text:

Chili's Grill & Bar
128 E. Interstate 20
Weatherford, 76087

It will work even if you don't have a call plan that includes texting. 10 cents a text beats a $2 Information charge any day!

All hail the all-knowing Google!

Sunday, November 18, 2007

QOTW: Finger Lickin' Good!

I realize that's a Kentucky Fried Chicken reference but it still applies!

Thanks to my mother-in-law slaving away in the kitchen all day Saturday, I've already enjoyed Round One of the holiday meal.

Dressing with turkey. Dressing with mashed potatoes. Dressing with corn. What makes dressing so great is that it goes with everything.

Which makes me wonder . . . what about dressing with Magic Shell?

Funny how the turkey is the centerpeice of the meal yet nobody voted for it as their favorite.

"Which part of the Thanksgiving meal is your favorite?"

Total votes: 25

The dressing: 14 (56%)

Other: 5 (20%)
- anything sweet
- broccoli-rice casserole made with jalapeno Cheez Whiz
- all of it
- Green bean casserole
- Mom's gravy -- it's almost like soup with turkey and boilded eggs...yum!

The buttered rolls: 3 (12%)

The Blue Bell Ice Cream with Magic Shell: 2 (8%)

The pumpkin pie: 1 (4%)

The cranberry sauce: 0

The turkey: 0

Friday, November 16, 2007

Deep Thoughts by Michael Finley

Earlier this week, my manager took me and my team out to a swanky restaurant in Dallas called N9NE. It's one of those places where people are more than happy to pay for overly priced food because for some reason they think it's the place to be seen - which means that me and my Docker pants and plaid button-up shirt stood out like a dork at a supermodel convention!

Apparently it's also a great place to take in a basketball game because Michael Finley and Juwan Howard came in to eat dinner in the bar while watching the LA Lakers-Houston Rockets game on TV.

(Finley, who is now with the San Antonio Spurs, was in town to play the Mavericks the following evening - he and Howard used to be teammates here in Dallas.)

I could see them from where I was sitting and all through my dinner all I could think was, "Don't they get sick and tired of watching and playing basketball all the time."

Later when we were leaving, I suddenly found myself walking out along side Michael Finley - I couldn't resist:

Me: "Hey Mike, don't you get tired of watching basketball all the time?"

Mike: "No man! I love it!"

Me: "But as long as you have been around the game, wouldn't you want to get away from it all during an off-night?"

Mike: "What do you do for a living?"

Me: "I sell pharmaceuticals."

Mike: "Well, when you get home from work do you ever look up the stock price of your company or think about your job?"

Me: "Sure, but there comes a point when I don't want to think about it anymore."

Mike: "Well, when you do what you love it never feels like work."

Me: " . . . . . . . . cool, man!"

Thursday, November 15, 2007

A Blog of Higher Learning

cash advance

According to an obviously well respected, highly accredited and critically acclaimed website, Wade's Rantings appears to be most appreciated by those who have earned at least a bachelor's degree.

Don't worry, I won't let this go to my head!

However, I am suddenly tempted to forward this post to a certain English teacher who once told me that I would have difficulty succeeding in college because of my 'poor writing skills' . . . but perhaps doing so would seem a bit too acrimonious!

Feel free to tell me how your blog is rated!

Disclaimer: Wade's Rantings is an equal opportunity blog that welcomes comments from all visitors regardless of educational background. Just be sure to create a link to if you choose to use any of those fancy-schmancy words!

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Talk About Giddy!

It's time to confess another addiction . . . my new iPhone!

I got Kelly to agree that, so long as it counts as my Christmas, anniversary and birthday presents for the better part of the next decade, I could get an iPhone.

Initially, I was going to wait closer to the holidays before getting it so that it would feel like a Christmas present. That is until I "just stopped by" the Apple store to ask a few questions. I wasn't going to buy anything. Just conduct a little pre-purchase research.

Unfortunately, I caved faster than a spelunker with dying batteries in his flashlight!

So if you've noticed that I haven't been posting very often lately . . . well, let's just say that I have been a little distracted!

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Talk About Surreal . . .

This is probably one of those 'just had to be there moments' but . . .

. . . because Kelly kicked us out of the house last night so that she could throw a baby shower for Shannon sans diaper changes and bottle feedings, Tate and I decided to sleep over at my parents . . .

So I woke up this morning in the same room I grew up in, in same bed I used to sleep in, under the same old ceiling fan, looking out the same old window . . . and listening to my 11-month old son babble-talk to himself in his pack-n-play next to my bed.

Yeah, pretty surreal.

I'm just glad it was at 6:45 AM. Which is a marked improvement over last week when he was waking up at 5:45 AM - a feeling that would most definitely be described as something other than surreal.

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Apparently This Guy Doesn't Read My Blog!

Even the poor quality of my camera phone can't hide this guy's blatant disregard for my call for no preemptive Christmas celebrations!

Looks like I will also have to boycott this house . . . who ever lives there!

Oooooo! That'll show 'em!

Seriously though, from a practicality stand-point, doesn't lighting up the house on November 1st make for 2 months of crazy electric bills?

Yet another reason to wait until after Thanksgiving to get into the Christmas spirit - less $$$ spent on electricity bills means more $$$ to spend on Christmas gifts!

See, I'm not a total Scrooge!

Monday, November 05, 2007

A Couple of Quick Hits . . . .

1. We spent the weekend in Arkansas admist gorgeous fall colors. Kelly kept saying "I hate Texas!" - implying that Texas is ugly. I tried to encourage her to say "I love Arkansas!" instead. But now that I think about it, she's right - Texas is kinda ugly!

2. It's all fun and games until you fall victim to the Daylight Savings time change two mornings in a row!

We completely forgot while staying at Bert & Paige's house so we woke up an hour early on Sunday. Then by the time we got home, we were too tired to notice that our clocks were still wrong when we went to bed last night. Kelly stepped into the bathroom just as I was stepping out of the shower to inform me that it was only 5:45 AM . . . aw, blank! . . . and that Tate was already awake . . . blankity-bleepin'-blank-blank!

3. Speaking of the bleepin' time change, is it just me or is it already depressing how it gets dark before 6 PM? Umph!

(PS: I really don't have a potty mouth - I just put that there so that you'd get a full appreciation of my frustration at that moment!)

Thursday, November 01, 2007

So Let the Boycotts Begin!

It's wrong! It's disrespectful! It's shameful! It's manipulative! It's . . . downright un-American!

On October 29th, I walked into the first retailer of the year who was playing Christmas music before the official start of Christmas season! That's skipping not only Thanksgiving but Halloween, too!

Bad, Swoozies! Bad!

Preemptive Christmas celebrations should not be tolerated because:

1. It shows blatant disrespect for Thanksgiving, a equally important holiday that already has self-esteem issues because kids find it unbearably boring.

2. Celebrating Christmas too early will result in prolonged exposure to Christmas carols; which studies have shown can lead to health risks such as bleeding ears, temporary insanity and/or flu-like symptoms.

3. Some people are easily disoriented when they see Christmas decorations while it's still 80-freakin'-degrees outside.

4. Celebrating Christmas for more than just one month out of the year helps some people justify leaving their Christmas lights up all year long. (Don't kid yourselves, people - the homeowner's association knows who you are!)

5. Don't ask me how, but I'm almost certain it only encourages the terrorists! And how would you like that on your conscience?!?

So do the right thing, blog world - boycott all retailers guilty of preemptive Christmas celebrations!

Boycott! Boycott! Boycott!

(Disclaimer: Before you all bag on me for going into Swoozies, just know that I went with Kelly so that she could pick out Tate's birthday invitations without being distracted by our soon-to-be 1-year old!)

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

QOTW: Hallo . . . Eeeek!

The little kid in me still loves Halloween. And why wouldn't I with such a ginormous sweet tooth? In fact, it's taking every ounce of will power I can muster not to go downstairs right now and devour all 4 bags of Halloween candy in our pantry!

But the sugar-crazed little kid in me has always gotten freaked out by Halloween as well. I've never liked all the blood, guts and gore that comes along with it. I know it's all fun and games, but every year the limit on what is acceptable seems to be pushed further and further.

I know a guy who once got dressed in all-black, wrapped his 6-foot pet king corn snake around his neck and then hid in his bushes and waited for poor, unbeknownst trick-or-treaters to come up his sidewalk.

I said "once" because he got quite an earful from parents after their kids were frightened so bad they all peed their costumes and vowed never to venture out of their homes after dark ever again!

And who could blame them?

Instead, let's celebrate Halloween by following the Easter holiday example where we celebrate an actual death by posting images of cute little, fuzzy farm animals and tell stories about some larger-than-life rabbit who hops around leaving eggs for kids - another story that freaked me out when I was little!

I would still dress up if I could come up with an original and clever idea and had someone to show it off to than just my neighbors.

That being said, my sugar-drive can be so overwhelming at times that there's still a slim possibility that I could be seen tomorrow night meandering up my neighbor's sidewalk trying to pull off wearing one of my suits and slicking back my hair as a Wall Street tycoon costume just so that I can get a mini-Snickers bar.

"Gee, Wade . . . you're . . . uh . . . really going all out this year, aren't ya'?"

"Just put the candy in the bag!"

"Isn't that a plastic bag from Target?"

"Never mind that! Just give me some flippin' candy!"

Sorry to deprive you of the QOTW results but my computer is giving me all sorts of fits.

Needless to say, the majority of you would never dress up for Halloween.

Bunch of fuddy-duddies!

Saturday, October 27, 2007

Mary Juanita Reneau

I had the privilege of speaking during Grandmother's funeral service yesterday. Here's what I said . . .

"Even though the presidential election is still over a year away, we're already being bombarded by presidential sound bites about values and beliefs. I can't say that I know any of the presidential hopefuls personally but I can say that they could all learn a thing or two from Grandmother about living a life according to values and beliefs.

Regardless if you agreed with Grandmother's values or beliefs, you have to stop for a moment today and recognize the incredible discipline it took for her to live her life day-in, day-out according to what she believed was true. She was, simply put, a woman of conviction.

Every thing she did, she did for a reason. And if you could trace back her steps, you would find that they all led to the same lone driving force in her life - which was to love and serve The Lord as faithfully as she could.

This meant that Grandmother had high expectations not only for herself, but for all of us as well. You always knew where you stood with Grandmother. She had that not-so-subtle way of letting you know that she expected better from you.

She held us accountable because she saw the God-given potential within us. And she knew exactly how to draw that potential out. I can remember staying the weekend with Grandmother when I was young and on one occasion she told me a story on the way to church about how my mom from time to time would have trouble sitting still during the service. Grandmother said that she would just reach over and pinch the back of my mom's arm, 'and that always seemed to settle her down.'

Now, why do you think Grandmother told me that story on our way to church? Needless to say, I was especially attentive that day during service.

And that is exactly the effect a woman of conviction should have on us. She should challenge us. She should draw out the finer qualities within us. She should make us better than we would be without her.

I will always think of Grandmother when I read about Ruth. I love Ruth. Just like Grandmother, she was a faithful woman. A hard worker. A woman of integrity. If fact, scripture tells us that even the other men working the same field as her treated Ruth with respect because they could tell she was 'a woman of noble character.'

And so was my grandmother.

Thinking about Grandmother this week has reminded me that the other women in my life have followed Grandmother's example as well. My mother, my sister and my wife are all, too, women of conviction - living their lives day-in, day-out according to values and beliefs they hold as true. Each in their own way has pushed me to be a better man than the one I would have been otherwise.

By doing so, they continue Grandmother's legacy .

Although Grandmother is gone, I believe I can honor her and continue her legacy by serving and loving The Lord as faithfully as I can and holding true to the same convictions day-in, day-out.

I love my grandmother and will miss her terribly."

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Blog Stalker Anonymous

"Hello, my name is Wade . . . and I'm a blog stalker."

Shannon's recent post has forced me to pull out my soap box.

(Oh, dear! Here we go again!)

I've never understood why people are so reluctant to introduce themselves, either electronically or in person, to people whose blogs they've stalked. Possibly it's because they are afraid they'll be thought of as weird or creepy because they read blogs of people they don't know.

I'm comfortable with blog stalking because people, myself included, have posted their blogs on the world wide web where the whole wide world can read it! And I've never understood why you would get weirded out by someone you don't know reading your blog. If you don't want the unknowns to be "in the know", then I'd suggest a leather-bound journal you can keep in your sock drawer!

Getting weirded out by blog stalkers is like getting bent out of shape because your neighbors watch while you get dressed in your front yard. If you don't want your neighbors to watch then don't get dressed in the front yard!

(I know that analogy is pretty random but it's true - think about it!)

Secondly, as I tried to point out to Shannon, most people want to know who's reading their blog. Granted, if you've got a nervous twitch, a psychotic laugh and bear a striking resemblance to a serial killer then, yeah, don't be too surprised if after you introduce yourself you notice the blog has suddenly gone to restricted access.

But the truth is, most of us out here are of perfectly sound mind and want little more than an just little cyber-entertainment by the way of cute baby pictures, funny stories and an occasional comment derived from intelligent thought.

And I think it's a great compliment to say to someone, "You don't know me but I really enjoy your blog!"

So let me encourage you stalkers to come out of the shadows and stop worrying if you give someone the creeps . . . because whether or not the rest of us will admit it, we are all blog stalkers!

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

This One's For Jody

Sorry about the heavy sports theme I've been rolling with recently - but, it is that time of year.

Jody and I were laughing about some of the funny ESPN commercials. Here are a couple I dug up on YouTube.

This first one is a classic.

Here's some background info for you non-sportsy type people - this next commercial is implying that Drew Brees drives a Mardi Gras float for a car simply because he's the quarterback for the New Orleans Saints.

Did you really think I would post about ESPN commercials and not include the two with Tony Romo?

Monday, October 22, 2007

QOTW: Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

Although I was pretty high on the Cowboy game I went to last week, I walked away wondering if the best seat may not have been back in my own house. So I made a list of Pro's & Con's of attending a NFL game at Texas Stadium.

Going to the game:

1. Arriving at Texas Stadium at 2:00 for a 3:15 kick-off but end up missing nearly the entire 1st Quarter because it took until 3:45 to pull into a parking spot . . . Con!

2. Having to pay an additional $80 for that parking spot . . . Con!

3. Having to deal with a drunk Patriot fan who kept yelling, "All day long!" at us every time the Patriots so much as made a first down . . . Con!

(I so wanted to pop him in the mouth and yell, "All day long!" . . . but ya' know that whole WWJD thing!)

4. Luke-warm bottled water: $5.00 Hot Dog boiled sometime early that morning: $7.50 . . . Con!

5. Putting up with some dude on our row who kept leaving his seat to buy beer only later having to leave his seat again to go pee . . . and doing so each time in the middle of a play . . . Con!

6. Having your $6.50 watered-down Coke knocked over by said-dude while he was shuffling off to the little boy's room . . . and him being too drunk to notice . . . Con!

7. Not hearing a word of Michael Irvin's Hall of Fame Ring Ceremony during Half Time because I'm deaf in a one ear . . . Con, but I've grown used to it!

8. Playing bumper cars in the parking lot with a bunch of drunk Patriot fans while trying to leave after the game . . . Con!

9. Seeing Tom Brady (future Hall of Famer) throw 5 touchdowns in person even though it's against the Cowboys . . . Pro! (Hey, you've got to recognize greatness when you see it.)

Staying At Home:

1. Watching the game in HD on my flat screen . . . Pro!

2. Watching the game while sitting in my big, fat recliner . . . Pro!

3. Being married to a dear, sweet, loving wife who is always more than happy to bring me another Dr. Pepper from the fridge . . . Pro! (Love ya', Babe!)

4. Falling asleep in my big, fat recliner during the 4th Quarter after the Cowboys have wrapped up yet another "W" . . . Priceless!

I guess that pretty much settles it!

Would you rather see a major sports event in person or watch it at home in HD?

Total votes: 16

Got to be there in person!: 43% (7 votes)

Stay At home!: 56% (9 votes)

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Prayers For My Family . . .

My 103-year old grandmother passed away today.

It's weird how this is one of those passings that was probably for the best.

Grandmother had not been herself for the past several years. Although she was never diagnosed, I think she suffered from dementia. There were only a few members of our family that she even recognized let alone talked to - I was not one of them.

Physically, however, she was quite healthy for someone having reached the century mark. We actually thought she would pass away a couple years ago when she fell and broke her hip. The decision was made to go ahead with surgery and put a titanium rod in her leg. After the surgery she refused all pain medication!

Talk about one tough grandma!

Grandmother started a fever on Friday and began "shutting down". A nurse was by her side this morning when she took a final deep breath and then slipped away peacefully. She never seemed to be in any pain or discomfort.

Mom seems to be doing well. Even though this was expected it's still hard. My sister and I are taking the lead in organizing the funeral so that Mom and the rest of the family can grieve.

So prayers, if you please. Prayers for my mom and my family. Prayers for this week as we prepare to say good-bye. And, most of all, prayers of praise as my grandmother finally reaches Heaven.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Random Google Search Results #2

If EDMC doesn't mind me once again stealing one of her bits then I'll share some more random Google searches that have led people to my blog.

1. "end of q-tip came off in my ear" - Unfortunately, I can relate.

2. "does Dr. Pepper induce labor" - In nearly 30 years of consumption, Dr. Pepper has never once caused me to go into labor. Believe me, you would know if it had!

3. "how do I give my dad a sponge bath" - Blind-folded!

4. "would shooting a giant bug kill it" - According to some horror/sci-fi movies, not necessarily! (See Starship Troopers - but only if you must!)

5. "laser beam kills bugs" - Good to know! A can of Raid also seems to do the trick.

(People sure seem to be taking some drastic measures to kill bugs! Sheesh!)

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Dallas Cowboys Are Great! But Unfortunately Not The Best!

To further my addiction to all things Dallas Cowboys and Tony Freakin' Romo, my college roommate Brian and I took in the Cowboy-Patriot game today at Texas Stadium!

Yes, I know we look like a couple of twinkies but what are you supposed to do when you show up and realize that you're both wearing basically the same t-shirt! So before you all leave a ton of comments making fun of us please know that this was not by design! I actually wanted to come in a Santa Claus suit and hold a sign that read John 3:16!

There were supposed to be 4 of us at the game but the other two opted to sell their $75 tickets at the last minute for $350 each. Any day trader will tell you that's a great return on investment but it would have taken crazy money for me to not go to this game!

Two 5-0 teams playing each other in what is no doubt a Super Bowl preview! (Boy, have I drunken the Cowboy cool-aid or what?)

I was able to catch two of the game's highlights on my camera. In the this first clip, notice Brian "popping" his t-shirt at some Patriot fans sitting behind us after a Cowboy touchdown. The video ends with a shot of slightly annoyed Patriot fans! Hee, hee!

In this next clip, you'll see some really bad "belly shots" of the people sitting around me. I was high 5'ing everyone after another touchdown and didn't realize the camera had a bad angle. Towards the end you'll see Brian dance a little jig in the aisle - after which the guy behind us told Brian that he needed to work on his moves!

I decided not to wear a Santa suit because I thought I'd look really silly. Apparently I wouldn't have had anything to worry about with this guy sitting a couple of rows in front of us. What a buffoon!

Unfortunately the game turned into a shellacking. Patriots won 48-27. It's not that the Cowboys are that bad - it's that the Patriots really are that good!

But even with the loss, I'll gladly pass up on $350 to take in a Cowboy game with one of my greatest friends!

Go Cowboys!

Friday, October 12, 2007

Obsessive Compulsive Confession #3

Sheets on my bed have to be tucked in a certain way or else I can't fall asleep.

Last night I made Kelly get out of bed at 11:30 at night because the sheets weren't tucked in just right.

There has to be a certain amount of "tucked-in-ness" at the feet. If they aren't tucked in then the sheets feel like they could just slide off the bed during the night. And sheets that just slide off the bed in the middle of the night is never a good thing.

Also, the sheets and the blanket have to be tucked in evenly. If there's more sheet than blanket on either side then I have to re-make the whole bed!

Sad, isn't it? I'm still replaying my childhood to find where my parents went wrong to give me such neurotic behavior!

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Waste of Time Website of the Week #4

Having recently shared that I have a newfound man-crush on Dallas Cowboy Quarterback Tony Romo, I think that I should also share with you my new home page on my computer . . .

Yep,! The only website dedicated to all things Tony freakin' Romo!

Nowhere else can you learn so much about the NFL's greatest quarterback! I found the following from the biography page:

"NASA employed Tony Romo for 9 days where he designed, built, and threw a rocket into orbit. That only took one day, but there was a big softball tournament coming up that was 8 days long…and they needed a ringer."

"Des Moines, Iowa was having a crime problem. They installed billboard pictures of Tony Romo around the city and overnight crime went down to –9%; that’s right, people started giving stuff to each other."

"Tony Romo won Prom King all four years of high school…in every high school in the state."

The website is freakin' hilarious so check it out!

Monday, October 08, 2007

A Family That Pukes Together . . . Laughs Together???

Like I said, Tate had quite a laugh when I threw up from a stomach virus last week! Thinking I could get him to smile for Kelly's photo-op in the backyard, I thought I'd "re-enact" the occaision!

It worked!

The really funny thing about this video is that directly behind our fence was a playground full of kids and parents. No doubt there were some puzzled looks as strange sounds were coming from our backyard!

I love how his thumb goes right back in his mouth as soon as he's done laughing!

Sunday, October 07, 2007

QOTW: Still Nuttin' Good On TV . . .

"Hey! Isn't that the joker who came up with the stupid idea of a TV series based on cavemen characters from an insurance company's ad campaign?"

"Yeah, I'd sure hate to be that guy!"

"What is your prediction for ABC's new TV series 'Cavemen'?"

Total votes: 18

The best thing on TV since Seinfeld: 0% (0 votes)

A couple of laughs for a couple of seasons: 5% (1 vote)

Should have stuck with just the funny commercials: 38% (7 votes)

If the commercials aren't funny then why do they think a TV series would be?: 55% (10 votes)

Friday, October 05, 2007

"We've Been Had!"

You don't have to be a big baseball fan to appreciate a prank call made to ESPN.

ESPN Sports Anchor Dan Patrick thought he was interviewing Steve Bartman, the fan who deflected the foul ball during the Cubs game.

It's quite obvious that he wasn't!

Thursday, October 04, 2007

For The Sake of Steve Bartman . . . Go Cubs!

For those of you don't know him, Steve Bartman supposedly is a really nice guy. Unfortunately, he's one of the most despised men in Chicago.

On October 14, 2003, Major League Baseball's Chicago Cubs were 5 outs away from going to the World Series - a would-be first for the Cubs since 1945 - when a foul ball was hit in Bartman's direction. The admittedly poor quality video below will remind you what happened next . . .

"Historians" point to that incident as the moment that shifted momentum in the game and ultimately caused the Cubs to lose the series to the Florida Marlins.

So, now all of Chicago's north side believes that it was Bartman who kept the Cubs from going to the World Series and he has since become vilified by Cub fans everywhere.

"Bartman had to be led away from the park under escort for his own safety, due to Cubs fans shouting profanities towards him, as well as others throwing debris onto the field and towards the exit tunnel from the field. The game was delayed for approximately 6 minutes." (Wikipedia)

"According to The Wall Street Journal, Bartman's name, as well as personal information about him, appeared on Major League Baseball's online message boards minutes after the game ended. The next day, the Chicago Sun-Times also released his name, as well as his address and place of business in an online article. The editor justified this by saying Bartman's information was already "out there." Bartman was hounded by reporters; he had his phone disconnected and did not go to work. In his defense, childhood neighbors said he was a great guy, a lifelong Cubs fan, and a Little League coach for the town of Niles." (Wikipedia)

Apparently, even beer companies got in on the scape-goating.

I bring all of this up to say that, at least for this one month out of the year that I actually give a hoot about baseball, I'm going to cheer for the Cubs!

Why, you ask?

Because Steve Bartman deserves the right not to be ambushed by lunatic Cub fans as he walks from his front door to his mailbox every morning!

And from now on, every year that the Cubs make it back to the playoffs, we're all going to have to relive that oh-so-terrible day in sports history when those lovable loser Cubs were yet again denied their "precious right" to a Pennant!

So now maybe if the Cubs could actually win a playoff series, much less a World Series, maybe me, Steve and rest of the wide, wide world of sports will finally be able to move on with our lives!

So will you all please join me as we collectively yell, "Go Cubs!"

(I got your back, Steve!)

PS: My next post will be about the phone interview with Bartman and Dan Patrick. If you know the whole story of that interview, please don't let the "cat out of the bag" before I get a chance to post about it - we'll talk about it then.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Annoying Telemarketers

A friend sent me this audio of some guy playing a prank on a telemarketer - pretty funny.

Monday, October 01, 2007

I've Got A Stomach Virus And A Urinary Track Infection! Isn't That Hysterical?

. . . At least it is for Tate!

During my post-Cowboy game celebratory activities yesterday afternoon (by the way, after a talk with a friend of mine today I've discovered that I have a new found man-crush on Tony Romo!) I noticed my stomach making some not-so-funny noises. The next thing I knew I was yukkin' up my lungs in the bathroom!

Apparently it's all fun and games for Tate because every time he heard me ralph from the other room he would squeal and laugh out loud! Pretty darn funny isn't it, little guy!

What do I have to do for a little sympathy around here? Sheesh!

I'm feeling a little better thanks to a cocktail of assorted 8-syllable prescription medications. I'm also hoping that taking in tonight's game of Patriots v Bengals will help a little as well.

And, no, there is nothing that could happen tonight that would make me have a man crush on Tom Brady!

Friday, September 28, 2007


Do you remember the first major purchase that made you feel all "grown-up"?

I'm sure the usuals would be along the lines of buying your first car, closing on your first house or even buying an engagement ring.

But let me add one to the list: buying a tree. In an effort to beautify our back yard, Kelly and I bought a tree last week.

The first feeling you have when you shop for a tree is sticker shock! Holy live oaks! Those things are expensive!

How much for just an acorn?!?

The second and lingering feeling is the realization, when driving away in your car, that you have just purchased, of all things, a tree for your yard. I guess it strikes me as a little odd since I'm usually the one who's in the market for stuff like cycling jerseys, iPhones and/or the latest The Simpson's season on DVD. Purchasing a tree just seems like something my parents would do.

Gasp! I'm turning into my parents!

But now that our new arborian friend has found its new home in our backyard, I'm please to say that I've yet to have the typical third feeling of the purchasing process: buyer's remorse.

And I'm sure Al Gore, tree-hugger extraordinaire, feels much better knowing that Kelly and I are doing our part to protect the ozone layer directly above our house!

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

'Til Oprah Do Us Part?

In an effort not to be a terrible husband, I've been looking for more things Kelly and I can do together. Since I don't watch much non-sports-related TV, I've been trying to watch some of Kelly's TV shows with her.

But I had to draw the line a couple nights ago when Kelly said she found a show for that we could watch together. Unfortunately for me, this is what I saw on TV when I walked into our living room:

Justin Timberlake talking about Britney Spears on Oprah.

(Umph! It's the pop culture trifecta from you know where!)

Pardon me as I take a quick moment to review our nuptuals. . . . Nope! Nothing there that says I have to watch Oprah!

So without saying a single word, I turned around and went back up to my office. Kelly thought I was over-reacting just a bit!

Hey! I'm all about spending quality time with my dear sweet wife but must it involve the likes of Justin Timberlake, Britney Spears and/or Oprah?

And of all people, these three are the least likely to add quality to my time with Kelly. Let me explain:

Justin Timberlake: On multiple occaisions, Kelly has referred to him as her "boyfriend"!

(Some boyfriend! What has he ever done? I bet he doesn't even know the difference between the ventrolateral preoptic area and the tuberomammilary nucleus in the hypothalamus? What a loser!)

Oprah: I don't deny that she is the most powerful woman in North America (Sorry, Senator Clinton), but can we get a little less Orpah and a little more North America, please?

Britney Spears: Oh yeah, I'm sure there's quite a bit she can teach me about nurturing a loving marriage!

So Kelly, let me assure you that I am committed to our lifelong relationship and remain willing to do anything (well, almost anything!) to make sure we continue to have quality time together.

But, for the betterment of our marriage, let's make a deal: I won't force you to watch two random, unranked colleges play football if you won't try to spoon feed me Oprah!