Thursday, August 20, 2009

I Owe Kelly BIG TIME!

I get together with Eric and Jeremy once a month for dinner and a prayer - though this month it was just me and Eric since Jeremy is literally on the other side of the world at the moment.

During said outting this past Monday I got a call from Kelly informing me that a friend from church had gotten a hold of sweet Texas Ranger tickets and had invited me to the game the very next night.

At first, I thought she was calling to taunt me because that would mean that she would have 2 evenings in a row of "guys' night out" while she stayed at home enjoying extra bonding time with Tate.

(Not that extra bonding time with our son is a bad thing - but some things are best in moderation, right?)

I wasn't quite sure what to say when she asked me what to tell Jake. These marital scenarios are best avoided at all cost! You can't seem overly eager to go because that would make you seem like you're not being considerate of her two nights at home with the squid.

But at the same time, you don't want to come across too nonchalant and miss out on the game should the door of possibility be slightly cracked open.

Kelly: "So . . . . what do you want me to tell Jake?"

(Careful! Don't blow it!)

Me: "Uh . . . . . . . . . I want you to tell Jake whatever it is you want me to tell Jake . . . . "

(Oooo, that sounded pretty good!)

Kelly: "Alright, I'll tell him you're looking forward to it!"


Did I say sweet tickets, or what?!?!?!?! This is the first pitch!

But as awesome as these sweet tickets were - my sweet wife is even awesomer!

Thanks for the double guys' night out, Babe! I owe you big time!

Oh, and a big thanks to Jake for inviting me, too!


PS: Please feel free to leave helpful suggestions of how I should pay Kelly back!

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Sunday, August 09, 2009

Forgive Me Father, For I Have Sinned . . . More Butter Please!

I can't say that I've never lied, but lying is just not part of my makeup. In fact, in the few times in the past when I've tried to lie, I wasn't very good at it - so why bother, right?

The truth is, I didn't take any dishonest intentions with me to the concessions counter before last night's movie - all I wanted was another popcorn bag. I would have even paid a buck for it if they had asked.

When Brad (my brother-in-law) and I sat down in the theatre last night to see GI Joe, he was nice enough to offer to share his huge tub-o-popcorn with me. To avoid appearing as the ambiguously (ahem!) duo by eating from the same bag of popcorn as well as avoiding that akward moment when our hands accidentally touch as we reach for more popcorn at the same time, I decided it would be better to go back to the concessions counter to get an extra popcorn bag of my own.

Me: "Excuse me, can I get another popcorn bag?"

Teen-aged purveyor of popcorn: "What happened to your first bag?"

(He surprised me with having a tone and giving me a look of suspect - I didn't know what to say)

Me: "Uh . . . it kinda ripped."

(It just popped out. I don't know why I said it - it wasn't true. But it felt easier to say than that I just wanted another bag so I could have some of my brother-in-law's popcorn.)

Teenager: "Oh no! Did you lose all your popcorn?"

(His skepticism quickly turned to concern.)

Me: "No, not really . . . I just don't wanna . . . you know?"

(Actually I don't know - that made absolutely no sense what so ever. This is my lying curse - I'm terrible at it!)

Teenager: "Well let me get you some more!"

(He grabbed a bag and began filling it with popcorn.)

Me: "Oh, uh . . . you don't have to . . . "

Teenager: "You want butter on this?"

Me: "Uh, . . . sure!"

(At this point, the guardian angel that stands on my shoulder is smacking up side my head with his halo.)

Teenager: [With a big smile] "Here you go - don't tear this one!"

Me: [With a failed smile] "Right . . . thanks!"

Never before have I felt like such a jerk for lying - but not so much that I couldn't enjoy the popcorn!

Sunday, August 02, 2009

To The Neanderthalian Jerk at CiCi's Pizza in Coppell . . .

(I'm writing this post on behalf Jody and Janell because Jody is too nice to say this and Janell has far more important things to do than to give neanderthalian jerks a cybertronic tongue lashing! I, on the other hand . . . [cracking knuckles] . . . )

1. Excuuuuuse us if a certain cool-little-curly-blonde-haired boy should have the nerve to step in your way -- it's obvious that you have far more important things to do than having to side step a 2-year old.

2. Thanks so much for waving your arms in disgust so that we would all know that Alex broke your stride on the way to the door - we realize the momentum you had built up in the previous 10 feet was now a total loss of energy!

Such waste!

3. I'm impressed with your one-word parenting class you gave Jody when he tried to apologize for Alex cutting you off. Responding by simply saying "Yeah!" helped Jody become reflective and determine if there could have been a better way he could have handled the situation.

One nanosecond later Jody came to the one-word conclusion of "No."

4. And congratulations on being the first guy I've even known to verbally blow off one of the absolute nicest guys I've ever known! I'm sure you're also a great hit at company parties!

5. And speaking of a great hit, nice move on taking your date to Cici's Pizza! I bet she was even more impressed when you hit High Score on Mrs. Pac Man!

6. Just in case you didn't notice, that burning sensation in the back of your head was me staring you down with my laser vision!