Tate-lemania!

I was floored by how floored some guy at the grocery store was that an 11-month old would be wearing a Beatles t-shirt (thanks to a really nice cousin in NoCal).

"Are you really Beatle fans?"

I gave him a look as if to say, "Uh . . . who isn't?"

He proceeded to talk about the Beatles like they were some obscure be-boop group from the 60's that no one had ever heard of.

"I was one of their biggest fans growing up. I even had tickets to see them in Toronto . . . but I didn't go because I got strep throat."

Strep throat, huh? You couldn't fight through strep throat to see the Beatles? Some fan you are!

I told him my aunt-in-law saw them at Candlestick with an air of authority as if I had actually been there myself. It had the intended affect.

"Wow! The Beatles in San Francisco?"

"Yep, 1966. It was great."

"Well, it's was sure nice talking to you."

"Anytime at all."

This video's for you, Aunt B!

(Update: I changed the video because I finally found one that was actually from the concert at Candlestick . . . still can't find Aunt B in the crowd shots, though.)

My Eyes Are Stressed!

Central Serous Retinopathy.

That's medical-ese for "vision in my right eye is blurry".

About a month ago I noticed the vision in my right eye had gone blurry. Thinking it had something to do with a new set of contacts I had just started, I first accused my optometrist of jacking with my prescription.

After two return visits to my optometrist and an hour-and-a-half long retinal interrogation by an opthamologist, I've been diagnosed with central serous retinopathy.

In layman's terms, the capillaries in the back of my eye burst open and leaked plasma (???) which caused a little bump underneath my retina. The bump is causing my blurred vision.

The opthamologist said that it's not serious and should resolve itself in about 3 to 6 months.

Er . . . excuse me? Did you say 3 to 6 months? You mean that I'm going to be giving people the one-eyed Popeye stare for the next 3 to 6 months?

Do I even have to describe to you how difficult it is to ride my bike with only one eye open? It's a freggin' ambulance-ride-to-the-ER waiting to happen!

Well isn't this just peachy!

My doctor said that it's actually common among thirty-somethings who work in a high-stress environment.

"Have you been particularly stressed lately?"

I went into freeze-frame for a nanosecond as I pondered if there was anything stressful in my life at the moment. Hmmmm . . . .

- I'm launching a new product line at work which means higher quotas and more travel time.

- Despite the new product launch, my company is threatening lay-offs . . . a month before Christmas!

- Two words: Single income.

- Kelly and I have an 11-month old who doesn't seem to care much about crawling and/or walking.

- Kelly and I are trying to decide on a new church home.

- My grandmother died last month.

- I'm helping my Dad with a few projects as he expands his practice into a new location.

- I'm blatantly neglecting our golden retriever because at the end of the day I'm too dogged-gone exhausted to play with her.

- Oh, and I can't see squat out of my right eye!

"Gee, doc, no more stressed than usual."

Laser surgery is out because it apparently isn't any more effective than eye drops. Eye drops are a beating because you have to take them 3 times a day and there's no guarantee they'll make any difference.

Umph!

What I don't get is that if you put plasma behind your TV screen you see things more clearly. But if you put plasma behind your retina the whole world looks like a bad hangover . . . not that I would know what that looks like!

So let me issue this Public Service Announcement for those of you in the North Texas area: Don't get mad during the next 3 to 6 months if I nearly run you over in my car while you're walking down the right side of the road - chances are you were just in my blind spot!

Keep on my left North Texas!

Christmas Season Is Officially Open!

Let me be the first to wish you all a Merry Christmas!

(And if by chance you are offended by me wishing you a Merry Christmas then you are more than welcome to take a moment to learn how to just deal with it!)

Speaking of dealing with it, I've decided to come up with my a Top 5-Bottom 5 list of Christmas carols to be on the look-out for.


Any time I listen to the Top 5 there's a pretty good chance I'll actually sing along and get into the holiday spirit. Any time I listen to the Bottom 5 I have a sudden urge to drive my car off an embankment!

Starting off with the Top 5, #1 being the best:

(By the way, these audio players take a moment to load the song, just keep clicking Play and it'll eventually come up.)

#5 Little Saint Nick - The Beach Boys

It sounds just like 30 other songs by The Beach Boys, but hey, this one's about Christmas!



4. Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas - Frank Sinatra

Any Christmas carol sung by Ol' Blue Eyes is worth a listen.



3. Carol of the Bells - Trans-Siberian Orchestra

How else can you improve upon a Ukrainian folk song than by adding a little electric guitar? Rock on, Sweet Baby Jesus!



2. O Holy Night - The version by John Williams

A partridge and a pear tree for anyone who can name the movie this version of O Holy Night appeared in. Hint: Yesterday, he was just a kid. Tonight, he is a home security system.



1. God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen/We Three Kings - Barenaked Ladies & Sarah Maclachlan

So good you could listen to it all year long!



And now the Bottom 5 - Listen at your own risk!

5. Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer - By Various Struggling Artists

Quick question, how does an old lady getting trampled by a deer prove the existence of Santa Claus?



4. Santa Baby - Madonna

Is it just me or does Santa seem a bit like a seedy old man when you think about Madonna singing this song to him?



3. 12 Days of Christmas - Bing Crosby

Nothing against Bing, but any repetitious song that is played repetitiously for 4 weeks straight would put anyone on strong medication!



2. Little Drummer Boy - Wade Strzinek

That's right, despite my begging and pleading not to, my 7th grade music teacher made me sing this song AS A FREGGIN' SOLO in front of my entire Junior High School. This isn't an actual recording but it might as well be because I sang it in soprano seeing how I had yet to hit puberty! Now you can all understand my socially deprived childhood!

Needless to say, I cringe every time I hear this song!



1. Wonderful Christmastime - Paul McCartney

This song is proof what happens when Sir Paul tries to write a song without the advantages of mind-altering controlled substances - it's horrible! Seriously, I get a serious case of bleeding ears every time I hear it!



On that happy note, I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas season!

Happy Turkey Day!

IKEA: The Den of Satan!

"Wade, can you do me a favor and run by IKEA and pick up some shelves for me this weekend?"

When Kelly uttered those words to me last week, I should have come up with an excuse. I should have complained. I should have faked an illness. Thrown a temper tantrum. Anything!

Because nothing could have prepared me for the most painfully horrific shopping experience in the history of ever!

Less than 2 minutes after I had walked through the door for the very first time, I suddenly learned something new about myself . . . I hate IKEA!

For starters, what's with the rat maze that takes half a weekend to work your way through?

Seriously, before you can actually purchase anything they make you endure a physical challenge that is a maddening never-ending maze with pathways narrower than a Swedish message table and lined with furniture with names that not even the employees can pronounce because they're written in freggin' Swedish!

I've never been one to pull out the "this is America so speak English" card, but this is freggin' America so speak some English, will ya'?

What's wrong with the Home Depot or Lowe's system? Everything is sectioned off by aisles. You want a hammer? Go to Aisle 13. Light bulb? Aisle 7. And the cool thing about Home Depot or Lowe's is that the tag actually says 'hammer' so if there is any doubt in your mind you can look down and say, "Yep, this is a hammer."

Simplicity is wonderful thing . . . especially for the simple-minded such as myself.

I'm not kiddin', folks. Who ever came up with IKEA's store concept must have Swedish meatballs for brains because I just don't get it!

And in case any of you would beg to differ, just know that Google returned 1.57 millions results for the words "I hate IKEA". So obviously I'm not the only one who feels this way!

Here's the 411 on 411 . . .

I learned something new today . . .

. . . instead of paying $2 to call Information for a phone number, you can text your request to Googl (or 46645 - the e in Google is intentionally left off to accomodate a 5-digit text number) and you'll get a return text in just a few moments with an address and phone number.

For instance, I was looking for Chili's in Weatherford, TX today so I texted "chili's weatherford texas" and a moment later I received via text:

Chili's Grill & Bar
128 E. Interstate 20
Weatherford, 76087
817-594-1661

It will work even if you don't have a call plan that includes texting. 10 cents a text beats a $2 Information charge any day!

All hail the all-knowing Google!

QOTW: Finger Lickin' Good!

I realize that's a Kentucky Fried Chicken reference but it still applies!

Thanks to my mother-in-law slaving away in the kitchen all day Saturday, I've already enjoyed Round One of the holiday meal.

Dressing with turkey. Dressing with mashed potatoes. Dressing with corn. What makes dressing so great is that it goes with everything.

Which makes me wonder . . . what about dressing with Magic Shell?

Funny how the turkey is the centerpeice of the meal yet nobody voted for it as their favorite.
___________________________________________________

"Which part of the Thanksgiving meal is your favorite?"

Total votes: 25

The dressing: 14 (56%)

Other: 5 (20%)
- anything sweet
- broccoli-rice casserole made with jalapeno Cheez Whiz
- all of it
- Green bean casserole
- Mom's gravy -- it's almost like soup with turkey and boilded eggs...yum!

The buttered rolls: 3 (12%)

The Blue Bell Ice Cream with Magic Shell: 2 (8%)

The pumpkin pie: 1 (4%)

The cranberry sauce: 0

The turkey: 0

Deep Thoughts by Michael Finley

Earlier this week, my manager took me and my team out to a swanky restaurant in Dallas called N9NE. It's one of those places where people are more than happy to pay for overly priced food because for some reason they think it's the place to be seen - which means that me and my Docker pants and plaid button-up shirt stood out like a dork at a supermodel convention!

Apparently it's also a great place to take in a basketball game because Michael Finley and Juwan Howard came in to eat dinner in the bar while watching the LA Lakers-Houston Rockets game on TV.

(Finley, who is now with the San Antonio Spurs, was in town to play the Mavericks the following evening - he and Howard used to be teammates here in Dallas.)


I could see them from where I was sitting and all through my dinner all I could think was, "Don't they get sick and tired of watching and playing basketball all the time."

Later when we were leaving, I suddenly found myself walking out along side Michael Finley - I couldn't resist:

Me: "Hey Mike, don't you get tired of watching basketball all the time?"

Mike: "No man! I love it!"

Me: "But as long as you have been around the game, wouldn't you want to get away from it all during an off-night?"

Mike: "What do you do for a living?"

Me: "I sell pharmaceuticals."

Mike: "Well, when you get home from work do you ever look up the stock price of your company or think about your job?"

Me: "Sure, but there comes a point when I don't want to think about it anymore."

Mike: "Well, when you do what you love it never feels like work."

Me: " . . . . . . . . cool, man!"

A Blog of Higher Learning

According to an obviously well respected, highly accredited and critically acclaimed website, Wade's Rantings appears to be most appreciated by those who have earned at least a bachelor's degree.

Don't worry, I won't let this go to my head!

However, I am suddenly tempted to forward this post to a certain English teacher who once told me that I would have difficulty succeeding in college because of my 'poor writing skills' . . . but perhaps doing so would seem a bit too acrimonious!

Feel free to tell me how your blog is rated!
___________________________________________________

Disclaimer: Wade's Rantings is an equal opportunity blog that welcomes comments from all visitors regardless of educational background. Just be sure to create a link to Dictionary.com if you choose to use any of those fancy-schmancy words!

Talk About Giddy!

It's time to confess another addiction . . . my new iPhone!


I got Kelly to agree that, so long as it counts as my Christmas, anniversary and birthday presents for the better part of the next decade, I could get an iPhone.

Initially, I was going to wait closer to the holidays before getting it so that it would feel like a Christmas present. That is until I "just stopped by" the Apple store to ask a few questions. I wasn't going to buy anything. Just conduct a little pre-purchase research.

Unfortunately, I caved faster than a spelunker with dying batteries in his flashlight!

So if you've noticed that I haven't been posting very often lately . . . well, let's just say that I have been a little distracted!

Talk About Surreal . . .

This is probably one of those 'just had to be there moments' but . . .

. . . because Kelly kicked us out of the house last night so that she could throw a baby shower for Shannon sans diaper changes and bottle feedings, Tate and I decided to sleep over at my parents . . .

So I woke up this morning in the same room I grew up in, in same bed I used to sleep in, under the same old ceiling fan, looking out the same old window . . . and listening to my 11-month old son babble-talk to himself in his pack-n-play next to my bed.

Yeah, pretty surreal.

I'm just glad it was at 6:45 AM. Which is a marked improvement over last week when he was waking up at 5:45 AM - a feeling that would most definitely be described as something other than surreal.

Apparently This Guy Doesn't Read My Blog!

Even the poor quality of my camera phone can't hide this guy's blatant disregard for my call for no preemptive Christmas celebrations!

Looks like I will also have to boycott this house . . . who ever lives there!

Oooooo! That'll show 'em!

Seriously though, from a practicality stand-point, doesn't lighting up the house on November 1st make for 2 months of crazy electric bills?

Yet another reason to wait until after Thanksgiving to get into the Christmas spirit - less $$$ spent on electricity bills means more $$$ to spend on Christmas gifts!

See, I'm not a total Scrooge!

A Couple of Quick Hits . . . .

1. We spent the weekend in Arkansas admist gorgeous fall colors. Kelly kept saying "I hate Texas!" - implying that Texas is ugly. I tried to encourage her to say "I love Arkansas!" instead. But now that I think about it, she's right - Texas is kinda ugly!

2. It's all fun and games until you fall victim to the Daylight Savings time change two mornings in a row!

We completely forgot while staying at Bert & Paige's house so we woke up an hour early on Sunday. Then by the time we got home, we were too tired to notice that our clocks were still wrong when we went to bed last night. Kelly stepped into the bathroom just as I was stepping out of the shower to inform me that it was only 5:45 AM . . . aw, blank! . . . and that Tate was already awake . . . blankity-bleepin'-blank-blank!

3. Speaking of the bleepin' time change, is it just me or is it already depressing how it gets dark before 6 PM? Umph!

(PS: I really don't have a potty mouth - I just put that there so that you'd get a full appreciation of my frustration at that moment!)

So Let the Boycotts Begin!

It's wrong! It's disrespectful! It's shameful! It's manipulative! It's . . . downright un-American!

On October 29th, I walked into the first retailer of the year who was playing Christmas music before the official start of Christmas season! That's skipping not only Thanksgiving but Halloween, too!

Bad, Swoozies! Bad!


Preemptive Christmas celebrations should not be tolerated because:

1. It shows blatant disrespect for Thanksgiving, a equally important holiday that already has self-esteem issues because kids find it unbearably boring.

2. Celebrating Christmas too early will result in prolonged exposure to Christmas carols; which studies have shown can lead to health risks such as bleeding ears, temporary insanity and/or flu-like symptoms.

3. Some people are easily disoriented when they see Christmas decorations while it's still 80-freakin'-degrees outside.

4. Celebrating Christmas for more than just one month out of the year helps some people justify leaving their Christmas lights up all year long. (Don't kid yourselves, people - the homeowner's association knows who you are!)

5. Don't ask me how, but I'm almost certain it only encourages the terrorists! And how would you like that on your conscience?!?

So do the right thing, blog world - boycott all retailers guilty of preemptive Christmas celebrations!

Boycott! Boycott! Boycott!

(Disclaimer: Before you all bag on me for going into Swoozies, just know that I went with Kelly so that she could pick out Tate's birthday invitations without being distracted by our soon-to-be 1-year old!)