Tuesday, November 20, 2007

IKEA: The Den of Satan!

"Wade, can you do me a favor and run by IKEA and pick up some shelves for me this weekend?"

When Kelly uttered those words to me last week, I should have come up with an excuse. I should have complained. I should have faked an illness. Thrown a temper tantrum. Anything!

Because nothing could have prepared me for the most painfully horrific shopping experience in the history of ever!


Less than 2 minutes after I had walked through the door for the very first time, I suddenly learned something new about myself . . . I hate IKEA!

For starters, what's with the rat maze that takes half a weekend to work your way through?

Seriously, before you can actually purchase anything they make you endure a physical challenge that is a maddening never-ending maze with pathways narrower than a Swedish message table and lined with furniture with names that not even the employees can pronounce because they're written in freggin' Swedish!

I've never been one to pull out the "this is America so speak English" card, but this is freggin' America so speak some English, will ya'?

What's wrong with the Home Depot or Lowe's system? Everything is sectioned off by aisles. You want a hammer? Go to Aisle 13. Light bulb? Aisle 7. And the cool thing about Home Depot or Lowe's is that the tag actually says 'hammer' so if there is any doubt in your mind you can look down and say, "Yep, this is a hammer."

Simplicity is wonderful thing . . . especially for the simple-minded such as myself.

I'm not kiddin', folks. Who ever came up with IKEA's store concept must have Swedish meatballs for brains because I just don't get it!

And in case any of you would beg to differ, just know that Google returned 1.57 millions results for the words "I hate IKEA". So obviously I'm not the only one who feels this way!

5 comments:

Casdok said...

That is so funny, trouble is you are so right! Dreadful lay out!

Anonymous said...

I have some feeling that this is caused by your male genes *ha*.

Went shopping to IKEA with a friend (female) and we took her husband-to-be with us. He chose to walk through there alone.

2 hours later:
WE had a big shopping cart with shelves, plants, candles, dishes, pictures, bedding, carpets...
HE patiently waited for us at the end of IKEA and just said "well, that store holds nothing worth of interest"

:-)

Wade said...

Hey Cas,

Thanks for feeling my pain!
______________________________

Hey Helen,

I fully admit that I am probably a fish out of water in this store. What makes it even worse is that I am an American fish out of water - meaning American consumers have grown so accustomed to the Wal-Mart concept of shopping that whenever there is an original, albeit confusing, idea we're pretty slow to adapt. The biggest problem I have with IKEA is that there is no easy-in, easy-out!

Thanks for stopping by,

W

McCulleys said...

Well I hate to disagree with you Wade. I am not to proud to say that I love IKEA. I even plan to go on Saturday. :)

Happy Thanksgiving Strzinek family, and we hope to see you guys soon.

Heather

GliterallyScoot said...

I so heart IKEA. It's a destination, Wade! You have to go and let the kids play in the play area, eat meatballs for cheap in the marketplace, and tour the store! :-) Of course, we all know I'm on a tight budget, so any place that sells furniture for cheap is great by me -- a lot of it is my style as well. In fact, almost my whole bedroom should have a sign that says, "brought to you by IKEA." :-) Eh, my bro in law HATES to go with me though. He's says it's small land; all the furniture is for short ppl. He'd share your pain.