Friday, November 28, 2008
(Excuse me, did you just say 'going to the zoo'?)
Yeah, we figured a house full of kids wouldn't stand the whole day so Kelly came up with the idea of going to the zoo. The great thing about going to the zoo on Thanksgiving Day is that there are only about 4 other people there as well . . . I love my genius wife!
One would think the highlight of a day at the zoo would be the baby lion cubs, the white tiger, the penguins or even the poop-hurling monkeys who apparently don't throw poop on Thanksgiving. But the highlight was actually a fearless squirrel who, quite literally, had gotten fat off of stealing scraps from picnic tables!
He started off cute and cuddly, which is probably his strategy most of the time. But as you can see in the video he quickly wore out his welcome. Darn little thing wouldn't leave us alone!! He kept jumping up on the table trying to snatch a snack! I was about two minutes from grabbing Tate's stroller and turning that rabies-carrying rodent into road kill!
What you don't see in the video is that Big, Fat Squirrel and I battled in a final climatic light saber duel - it ended in a draw!
I'll be better prepared for him next year, the little fat rat!
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Me: "Hi, what size is your small Frosty?"
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Monday, November 17, 2008
There was the time when I played tackle football with a friend inside the house. My “Hail Mary” pass sailed over the couch (which was the designated end zone) and split my mom’s crystal candlesticks like an extra point attempt splits the uprights.
Her ensuing rage was justified seeing how the rarely-used-but-now-shattered candlesticks were a wedding gift. And suggesting that Elmer’s glue may possibly provide a quick fix didn’t do much to calm her down either.
Another time, I had the great idea of writing a poem to my mom on her bathroom mirror – perhaps I was still feeling guilty about the candlesticks.
I was a bit surprised how unimpressed she was with my resourcefulness of using every lipstick and make-up pencil I could find in her drawer as writing utensils. The poem was short and needed overly-detailed illustrations of me and my mom for visual effect. Unfortunately for me, neither the poem nor the pictures achieved their intended effect - quite the opposite actually seeing how I ruined her entire stash of lipstick!
But I feared fear itself when I wrecked my dad’s beloved 1984 Mazda RX-7 . . . twice! You know the one with the rotary engine? I was 15 years old the first time I laid a scratch coming out of second gear – and don’t ask why I was laying scratches when I was only 15 years old!
Unfortunately, I laid much more than just a scratch when I slammed it in into 2 other cars. It took a month to find a car insurance company that would cover me!
I recount my own adolescent path of destruction so as to remind myself not to get too bent out of shape when Kelly tells me, for instance, that Tate has bent my glasses out of shape.
It’s hard to get upset because it’s partially my fault. Anything within Tate’s reach is fair game and these were left on my night stand. Besides, how do you lecture a 2-year old about how he should keep his sticky little fingers to himself and not further handicap his visually-impaired father?
I can't help but wonder if Tate is trying to send me some kind of message through my mangled specs. Perhaps I've been putting his diapers on a little too tight lately. Maybe he's getting sick and tired of being forced to listen to all-Beatles-all-the-time in the car. Maybe he really does prefer Elmo over The History Channel.
Oh well, I had just hoped that the inevitable destruction would happen later rather than sooner.
What goes around, comes around - right?
Friday, November 14, 2008
First, thank you all for your kind words, letters of encouragement and candlelight service - which was very thoughtful but perhaps a bit over the top!
I'm sure you will all be relieved to hear that, thanks to the extended warranty I purchased along with my TV, I was able to get a replacement at no cost! And not just any replacement - since Sony no longer makes my model any more, the warranty company called and said they would have to replace my TV with an upgraded model!
"Well, if that is my only option then I guess that's OK."
While I was still on the phone I began to silently dance around my living room like a complete fool!
Ever since the new TV was delivered, I've never been so happy to watch Dirk go 5 for 15!
The crazy thing is I actually remember debating on whether or not I should spend the extra $250 for the extended warranty. The TV repair guy who took my old TV said that it was money well spent as there are few repairs he could do on a TV for less than $250.
He also said that although these LCD and plasma TV's have a great picture they don't last nearly as long as the old conventional TV's. Most of his LCD/plasma TV repairs are on sets only 18-24 months old. Whereas most of his conventional TV repairs are on sets 7-8 years old. They just don't build them like they use to!
So if you plan on upgrading your family's TV-viewing experience this Christmas and the guy at [insert name of electronics store not filing for bankruptcy here] asks if you want an extended warranty for your new fancy-schmancy TV be sure to respond emphatically, "YES!!" - it'll be the best $250 you'll ever spend!
Saturday, November 08, 2008
This was one of those moments when I stopped and actually questioned if I was the one reading the sign wrong.
Thursday, November 06, 2008
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
1. No man in the Oval Office has ever ruined my life.
2. No man in the Oval Office has ever made my life.
3. And speaking of the One who actually did make my life, no man in the Oval Office has ever had or ever will have any bearing on my eternal life.
Obama. McCain. Take 'em or leave 'em (and I'd much rather leave 'em all!), I'm really not worried.