It’s usually not until after Halloween when my yuletide radar goes up. Having to listen to Bing Crosby’s Have Yourself A Merry Little Migraine for the entire month of December is bad enough alone.
But when stores beat me into musical submission by pretending it’s Christmas starting the first week of November, I actually pray that I do get run over by reindeer! Maybe then I'll be mercifully put out of my misery!
Thank goodness nobody would have the gall to pull this stuff out in September! That would be utterly inconceiv . . . .
ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? AW, FOR THE LOVE OF RUDOLPH!!!!
AND OF ALL PEOPLE - HOME DEPOT!!!!!!
I can’t boycott Home Depot this early in the year! Where else am I supposed to get my [insert inane, over-priced gardening tool that I really don’t need]?
And don’t suggest Lowe’s either – I don’t like Lowes. It’s too . . . . blue!
Yeah, home improvement projects are supposed be done in orange! Why do you think they always use orange signs for highway construction zones?
But now that the temperature has dropped all the way down into the 80’s everyone’s thinking, “Burr! Christmas must be around the corner! Better rush off to Home Depot before they run out of red and green blinking icicle lights and plastic Santa roof ornaments!”
Go ahead, run! We all know those things don't get any cheaper the closer Christmas gets so you better be the first in line!
Doesn’t anyone ever read Ecclesiastes anymore? There a time and place for everything, people! How can we possibly celebrate Christmas in September? It’s only the third week of football, for crying out loud!
Home Depot, you've just been put on notice!
(And don't call me a scrooge or a grinch! I'm right about this! Besides, I prefer "grumpy old man"!)