Which articles of men's clothing are absolutely necessary?
Socks - depends on the footwear. Baseball cap - depends on the occasion. Watches and rings - although technically jewelry, sometimes you can go with or without (wedding ring being the obvious exception - that bad boy goes wherever you go!). Underwear - an absolute in every situation . . . and don't post any comments arguing otherwise!
But what about the belt? Does a man in business attire have to wear a belt?
Today I realized while driving to Brownwood that I was without belt. What followed next was 20 minutes of nothing but uncertainty and indecision!
"How on earth did I forget to put on a belt? Do I need a belt? Will people notice my beltlessness? Why do people even wear belts? If your pants stay up then you obviously don't need a belt, right? Will people think I'm unprofessional because I'm not fully dress without a belt? How effective will I be at selling drugs if I'm not wearing a belt? Do I want to pay for a belt when I've got a perfectly good one at home? How much does a belt even cost? Where in the world am I going to buy a belt at 9 AM? Oh, why did I forget my belt?"
Knowing that not wearing a belt would drive me crazy all day long I decided to pull into a local retail belt distributor (also known as 'Wal-Mart') to purchase a belt. After asking 2 people where the mens' belt section was (The first lady didn't have a clue - I think it had something do with the fact her name tag said 'Trainee') I made my final selection and proceeded to self check-out.
The problem at this point was, even though I was now acceptable to be seen in public, I was irked by having to spend $15 on a belt that I would never wear again (I love my Johnston & Murphy 34 inch black leather belt - the third hole is a perfect fit for me!). Since Kelly was unavailable for comment at a conference, I called a fellow drug dealer, Susan, so I could get a woman's perspective on whether today's purchase was necessary . . . and she had a grand idea!
Knowing that I would be passing the same Wal-Mart on my way home at the end of the day, Susan told me to return the belt after I had made all of my calls and get a refund - Genius!
Lessons I learned today: (1) From now on, take a closer look in the full length mirror before heading out for the day. (2) Wal-Mart at 5 PM is a heck of a lot busier than Wal-Mart at 9 AM. (3) When in doubt get a woman's opinion. But don't bother if her name tag says 'Trainee' - in which case she doesn't have a clue!
8 comments:
I love that you actually returned the belt - its so dishonest and devious!
Funny enough my sisters and I were talking about you yesterday. We were naming all the cheers you accompanied with the drums. I know random you'll have to check out tonight's post to see why we were reminiscing :)
Congatulations on the impending birth of your son.
Hope all is well.
Sincerely,
Tara (Willbanks) Goodwin
Wade, I'm surprised at you! We had a big long chapel talk (lecture, really) about this very thing. It's called stealing value (or something like that) and I'm sure Randy can tell you all about how that affects the prices we pay on other items at Walmart. Whoa, I just passed on the lecture I rolled my eyes at as a freshman. I really am too old...
On the topic of belts, my mother- and father-in-law are obsessed with their boys wearing belts. It got to where not wearing a belt was their little rebellion thing. If that's the worst K. ever does to rebel, I count myself lucky, but it really seemed to freak them out if there wasn't a belt attached to their dress pants. I think it's weird, but whatever...
Have a blessed day!
OK, apparently I'm not fully aware of acceptable return procedures because Tara called me dishonest and devious and Mommy34 has accused me of stealing - I'm starting to think I need go forward this Sunday morning after David's sermon and confess my sinful ways!
Side note: By the way Mommy34, why were y'all talking about this kind of stuff during Harding chapel services?
Seriously - is what I did wrong?
(Although it would be kinda funny to go forward this coming Sunday just before the new deacon ordination! The new deacons are standing on the stage and I'm on the front pew being consoled by David and sobbing into a kleenex about how my good judgement was impaired all because I forgot to put on a belt, "I was so confused!" - giggle!)
Ok--you are a crack up. I loved the belt blog, but then I kept reading and ran into the Album Cover blog and could not stop laughing. I was trying to tell Tra about it but could not do it justice.
Congratulations on your baby boy!! How exciting! What a blessed baby to have you and Kelly for parents. Thanks for saying hello! Tell Kelly hi for me!
I would like to point out that was one of my favorite chapel talks the whole 4 years I was there. It was about guys who buy VCRs at the beginnign of the semester and return them at the end.
We talked about these things in chapel because Harding is a Christian institute of higher learning, unlike some other schools, it seems. Also because we were in Arkansas, the state Wal-Mart makes possible. Without Wal-Mart & Dillard's I don't see how Arkansas could have much economy. And what little economy they have just got screwed by wadestrz. Would you walk into a bakery and eat half of all the cookies without paying? If you sold 100 tablets of whatever drug to CVS, would you let them give five out to people and return the bottle to you for a refund? Would you have gone to Troy Aikman Ford, borrowed one of their Escapes to drive to Brownwood, then return it to get your money back? Troy would have said no, because the car has more mileage and is technically worth less. Troy would have at you and have Erik Williams escort you off the premises.
Secondly, likely no one but you would have noticed a missing belt. But in sales appearance is often as important as actually knowing anything, and you don't want to risk the funding of future Wade Jr's college education (hopefully at a place that actually teaches morals) by screwing up a sales call, so you made the right choice to play cautious & get a belt to wear. But you should not have returned it for a refund after wearing it. If you didn't want to keep it, give it to goodwill and deduct the cost of the belt on your taxes. That long line at Wal-Mart at 5:00pm? That was the big man giving you a chance to rethink what you were about to do.
Also, keep in mind the source of any fashion advice you get. In this case the source (deister) may be wearing sandals made of rope at this very moment.
Mommy34,
Well then . . . I guess I will be going forward on Sunday.
I'm sure you'll be pleased to know that I made myself a post-it note reminder to apologize to my future son for (1) receiving a second rate college eduation and (2) and placing more importance on personal appearance than actually being good at what I do.
I'll be sure promise him that I'll make it up to him by working hard so that he can get an education at a true 'Christian institute of higher learning' as you put it. I hear Pepperdine is really nice!
By the way, don't knock rope sandals - your Lord and Savior used to wear them.
Deister,
I agree with your first issue - I think the belt is an everyday necessity.
As for your second issue: how did I know that you'd be the one to comment on underwear? Well yeah, you're not going to wear them in the shower! Only freak multi-taskers do that! But I'm talking about going 'commando' in social situations! You're just asking for a wardrobe malfunction!
And if you have a wardrobe malfunction while going commando then, buddy, consider yourself the newest member of the National Sex Offender Association cause it ain't gonna be pretty!
Thank you for absolving me of my heinous, insensitive, inconsiderate, wreckless crime - at least SOMEBODY realizes a guy can make an honest mistake!
Thanks for stopping by,
W
Hey Shelly,
I'm glad you liked the album covers - I've got some more good stuff coming soon!
Thanks for stopping by,
W
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