My New Personal Anthem!

Finally a song that sings what I feel in my heart!

Darth Vader vs. The Japanese Police

I found this video after watching "Darth Vader Plays Golf" on Trey Morgan's blog - which is also pretty funny.  Enjoy . . . 

The Ultimate Time Waste

I heard AM Ticket Talk Sports talking about this episode of The Six Million Dollar Man where Lee Majors' character fights Bigfoot - which ironically has nothing to do with sports!

To me, this scene symbolizes everything TV has to offer: Absolutely nuttin'!

What a time waste!

1. Now you know why Lee Majors never won so much as a Cub Scout badge for his acting . . . let alone an Emmy.

2. The sound effect for Steve Austin's (Lee Majors) six million dollar skills is grossly over-used in this scene. They play it even when he's just walking! Walking is considered bionic? Heck, I can do that! So where's my $6M??

3. Back to Majors' acting: His acting is so bad that the expression on his face when he first sees Bigfoot looks more like he was just told that there was a 45-minute wait for a table at Carrabba's rather than the alternative expression you'd expect to see when coming across a stinkin' sasquatch!

4. The lines for this scene are just as awful. The guy who wrote the script for this episode should be ashamed of himself!

Seriously, think to yourself - What would you say if you came across Bigfoot in the forest? I doubt "Can you understand me?" would be the first words out of your mouth.

Screaming like a little girl and running like h-e-double-hockey-sticks would probably be more like it!

4. As for Bigfoot, the "effects" aren’t very "special" when you can see the zipper that goes up the back of the Bigfoot costume. And do we have any evidence that Bigfoot has steel blue eyes? I think we would all agree that, according to legend, Bigfoot’s eyes are black and filled with rage.

5. Finally, which is worse: Being involved in filming this theatrical piece of garbage that time can't wait to forget . . . or wasting 30 minutes that you'll never get back by watching it on YouTube and then posting a blog about it?

A Great Time To Be A Fan Of Us!

It has been 4 years since I have taken the time to watch diving, canoeing, weightlifting, swimming, gymnastics, fencing, or even track and/or field.

But for the next 2 weeks I'll be watching every minute that I can!

Intermission

There's some stuff in the real world that I need to tend to so I'm gonna step away from the blog world for a bit. I'll be back soon.

In the meantime, take a look at this amazing video Brian told me about of Lion vs. Buffalo vs. Crocodile - you'll be surprised by who wins!

Take care.

My New Favorite TV Commercial

Watch the video first, then read below.

I missed it the first time - did you?

Just so that you don't miss me, this is what I look like when I'm on my bike!

Talk About Instant Ratings!

As I've told you all before, I watch very little TV. The little TV I do watch is almost completely centered around a major sporting event of some kind. The only regular programming I've watched recently has been ESPN's SportsCenter every morning - but that really has been about it.

But that will soon change since I recently heard that a certain Cynthia Izaguirre will be joining Dallas/Fort Worth's WFAA Daybreak News team!

Don't remember Ms. Izaguirre? Maybe this video of her fine work in Albuquerque will jog your memory . . . .

(Sorry for the extremely poor video quality!)

Yesss! Train wreck TV at it's finest! And it's all local all the time!

I'll be boundin' out of bed every morning and wringing my hands in great anticipation of the current weather, the latest traffic report and most recent faux pas slip of the day!

Tagged . . .

Jennifer got me with a 12 Random Things About Christmas meme . . .

1. Have I ever mentioned that it bugs me when stores play Christmas music before Thanksgiving? It also bugs me how commercialized Christmas has become. I recently tripped over a new blog that covered this topic very well!

2. That being said, I usually get hit with the Christmas fever around the 20th or so - at which point I'm having a holly, jolly Christmas . . . and a happy new year!

3. My favorite Christmas present growing up: Bonkers - my half-golden retreiver, half-cocker spaniel that I loved dearly for nearly 10 years. We named him Bonkers because he could have benefitted from a daily dose of Ritalin.

4. (Spoiler Alert!) I remember when I realized that there was no Santa. Some kid at school was going around the playground breaking the bad news to everyone. It didn't bother me because I never really believed in Santa in the first place. I just remember thinking, "Of course Santa's not real - no real person would come through the chimney!"

5. Although I knew there really wasn't a Santa, I always allowed myself to have fun imagining that he was real.

6. Although I love living in Texas, I still get a little bummed every year we don't have a white Christmas.

7. My parents have a great tradition of giving "Spirit of Christmas" gifts on Christmas Eve. They aren't gifts on our wish list but rather gifts my parents want give us - hence the name "Spirit of Christmas". I always got bummed as a little kid when I'd open it up and it would be a book, a framed picture of our family or some other kind of momento. But as an adult, it's one of my favorite gifts.

8. My "Spirit of Christmas" disappointment was always short lived because of the great stockings gifts we got on Christmas morning. Stockings are a big deal in my family - and still are with Kelly and I. We got cassette tapes, VHS movies, toys, etc. And each gift was individually wrapped.

9. There was always something magical about running to our living room and seeing the Christmas tree surrounded by all the presents including the 'big one' from Santa. Half of me wanted to just stand there and stare in awe . . . the other half wanted to rip everything open - truly one of the greatest moments in a kid's life!

10. The worst Christmas present I've given Kelly: A heating pad to use when she had cramps! This was back in Year 1 or 2 - I was actually using my active listening skills because she had kept saying how she wished she had a good heating pad. Although it wasn't the main gift I gave her that year, the look on her face when she opened it let me know that my active listening skills weren't as finely tuned as I thought!

11. The best Christmas present I've given Kelly (so far!): I had her wedding ring updated!

12. Usually the song Twelve Days of Christmas makes me want to shove fists full of tinsel in my ears. But I've been known to stop and listen (and giggle!) if it's being sung by the greatness of John Denver and The Muppets!



Thanks for the tag, Jennifer!

I'll tag Kelly so she'll have a chance to complain about having to wrap each stocking gift individually . . .

. . . Keri because she'll be "none too happy!" . . .

. . . Audra because it's time for her to update her blog . . .

. . . and EDMC because she tagged me a couple weeks ago!

Here are the rules:

1. List 12 random things about yourself that have to do with Christmas.

2. Please refer to it as a 'hoopla' and not the dreaded 'm'-word.

(Whoops! I think I broke this rule!)

3. You have to specifically tag people when you're done. None of this "if you're reading this, consider yourself tagged" stuff is allowed...then nobody ends up actually doing it. The number of people who you tag is really up to you -- but the more, the merrier to get this 'hoopla' circulating through the blogosphere.

4. Please try and do it as quickly as possible. The Christmas season will be over before we know it and I'd like to get as many people involved as possible.

Last Week's QOTW: It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas!

Had to wait to post this one until I finished with the lights. Which apparently puts me in the category of decorating on December 1st.

The roof is dying to have some lights added up there but since I'm trying my best not to fall off a roof this holiday season it's not going to happen - because we all know that the first thing that would happen as soon as I step foot on that roof would be for me to fall off of it!

Maybe Keri's husband can swing by and throw them up for me!

It's funny how every year while putting up the lights I always think of the that scene from Christmas Vacation and hope it doesn't happen to me.

Now that I've got the outside lights up ( . . . and working!) , it's on to the Christmas tree!

_______________________________________________

"When will you decorate for Christmas?"

Total votes: 26

Already decorated! (Sorry, Wade!): 15% (4 votes)

As soon as we clear the Thanksgiving table: 30% (8 votes)

December 1st: 34% (9 votes)

December 15th-ish: 3% (1 vote)

Bah, humbug!: 15% (4 votes)

Tate-lemania!

I was floored by how floored some guy at the grocery store was that an 11-month old would be wearing a Beatles t-shirt (thanks to a really nice cousin in NoCal).

"Are you really Beatle fans?"

I gave him a look as if to say, "Uh . . . who isn't?"

He proceeded to talk about the Beatles like they were some obscure be-boop group from the 60's that no one had ever heard of.

"I was one of their biggest fans growing up. I even had tickets to see them in Toronto . . . but I didn't go because I got strep throat."

Strep throat, huh? You couldn't fight through strep throat to see the Beatles? Some fan you are!

I told him my aunt-in-law saw them at Candlestick with an air of authority as if I had actually been there myself. It had the intended affect.

"Wow! The Beatles in San Francisco?"

"Yep, 1966. It was great."

"Well, it's was sure nice talking to you."

"Anytime at all."

This video's for you, Aunt B!

(Update: I changed the video because I finally found one that was actually from the concert at Candlestick . . . still can't find Aunt B in the crowd shots, though.)

This One's For Jody

Sorry about the heavy sports theme I've been rolling with recently - but, it is that time of year.

Jody and I were laughing about some of the funny ESPN commercials. Here are a couple I dug up on YouTube.

This first one is a classic.

Here's some background info for you non-sportsy type people - this next commercial is implying that Drew Brees drives a Mardi Gras float for a car simply because he's the quarterback for the New Orleans Saints.

Did you really think I would post about ESPN commercials and not include the two with Tony Romo?

Tagged . . . First & Last

My wife tagged me. So here it goes:

First memory: My mom used to be an interior decorator and would take me along on her "house calls." One house had a bear skin rug on the floor . . . with bear head (and teeth) still attached! It's so unfortunate that one of my earliest memories as a 4-year old is of me being deathly afraid of a rug.

Side note: This memory has transitioned into an adulthood post traumatic disorder as a general fear of all large teeth-bearing animals.

First real kiss: JoAnn - 6th Grade. She had to ask me twice before I could muster up the courage. I remember thinking afterwards, "Man, I hope she doesn't ask me to do that again."

First concert: Soul Lift at Six Flags - Jr. High. Another sad example of my overly sheltered and repressed childhood.

First love: Blue Bell & Magic Shell. No, seriously!

First crush: Lisa - 5th Grade. We even "went" together for a while until she broke up with me just after Valentine's Day - ouch!

First thing you think in the morning: Please, Tate - just 10 more minutes!

First book you remember loving: Escape From Warsaw by Ian Serrailler - 6th Grade. This book planted the seeds to my lifelong fascination with World War II. It's a true story about 3 kids who escape German occupation in Poland to reunite with their family in Switzerland.

First pet: Bonkers - An appropriately named golden retriever mix that could have benefited from a daily dose of Ritalin.

First question you'll ask in Heaven: "Can we watch the history of the world on TiVo?"

First thing you think of when you hear the word 'vacation':

(As the trailer says, "When you think vacation, think National Lampoon's Vacation")

First best friend: Dirk - 2nd Grade. He had all the cool Transformers.

Last time you dressed up: Excluding my suit and tie for work . . . I can't remember.

Last thing you ate: Oven Baked Potato Wedges with Olive Oil, Rosemary and Garlic! Mmmmm! They make the house smell yummy!

Last CD you bought: Thanks to iTunes I haven't bought a CD in quite a while - I only buy singles now. But the last full CD I bought off of iTunes was the soundtrack to Master & Commander: The Far Side of the World. Great movie. Even better soundtrack.

Last (good) book you read: I'll insert the word "good" and go with Lee Strobel's Case for Faith

Last time you cried: When I held Tate for the first time.

Last time you told someone you loved them: A few minutes ago when Kelly and Tate left to run errands.

Last really funny thing you did: I'll change this to the last funny thing my dad did: For Father's Day last weekend we went to my parents' and grilled hamburgers. After a few bites of his burger my dad said, "Is there something wrong with this cheese?" That's when he realized that he was trying to eat his cheeseburger with the plastic wrapper still on the cheese!

Last thing you watched on TV: Comedy Central's The Colbert Report. Kinda sad how this is how I get all my news now!

Last Halloween costume: I can't remember my last costume so I'll tell you about my favorite costume. Batman - Age 4'ish. My mom made it herself - including the cape and cowl! But don't think that just because it was homemade it was some dorky looking costume. My Mom is pretty impressive with a sewing machine. In fact, some people thought I was the real Batman!

Last concert attended: Celine Dion in Vegas . . . but only to prove my everlasting love and devotion to my wife!

I tag Tara because I can only imagine what her responses will be; Russ because he needs a break from his dissertation work; and Keri because despite recently learning 100 random things about her the blogosphere still wants more!

QOTW: Workaholics Anonymous

Here's last weeks' QOTW as promised . . .

My first job in sales was at Pitney Bowes Office Systems - I sold copiers.

Working for Pitney Bowes was great despite the minor detail that I wasn't very good at selling copiers. I typically fouled things up during the demo - which was when you brought in a copier that a potential customer was considering and demonstrated to them how incredibly easy it was to operate.

The problem was that I was terrible at operating copiers. If it could be jammed, stuck, over-loaded, overheated, off-lined, side-lined or even error-ed, I somehow was able to show my customers-to-be how easy it was to do.

Need 10 sets of collated, double-sided, hole-punched copies? You got me! However, I do know a good way of changing out the toner cartridge so that half of it ends up all over your brand new suit - that's easy!

My demo's were usually abruptly ended by a polite, "Uh . . . thanks. We'll give you a call."

(Thank goodness I'm much better at selling drugs!)

But the cubicle world of Pitney Bowes brought out the "best" in the office personalities. My boss was the coffee addict. He'd start a new pot of coffee at 4:00 in the afternoon just because he was thirsty. What always puzzled me about him was that, despite practically having a constant caffeine drip from an IV, he reminded me of Droopy. With as much coffee-intake as he had you'd expect someone with a little more edge - never understood that one!

His boss was the nicotine addict. It would be 103 degrees outside and he'd be standing in the parking lot in a wool suit puffing down a cigarette. I always hated seeing him smoking when I'd return to the office from a sales call because he would make me stand out there and tell him how things went.

Thirty feet away was a comfortable 75 degree climate-controlled environment and all he wanted to do was "burn one" out in the blazing sun while reminding me of the advantages and disadvantages of analog copiers versus digital copiers . . . as if I really cared!

I mention Pitney Bowes because this FedEx commercial reminds me of Pitney Bowes (The Office reminds me of Pitney Bowes, too - but that's another post!). When I found this clip on YouTube, it gave me the idea of last week's QOTW.

It's no surprise that most of you think you're the only normal one at work. The real question is what would your co-workers say about you?

______________________________________________________

"Which office employee are you?"

Total Votes: 16

"Blameless Bill" - 6% (1 vote)

The Attitude - 6% (1 vote)

The Whiner - 6% (1 vote)

The Coffee Maker Cop 0% (0 votes)

The Clock Watcher 18% (3 votes)

Thumb-Twidler Extraodinaire 6% (1 vote)

Mr. Over-promise/Under-deliver 6% (1 vote)

The one normal person in the whole place 50% (8 votes)

100 Movie Number Quotes

I found this YouTube video on Conblogeration.

It's 100 movie clips with number quotes in sequence to countdown from 100 to 1. Watching it is a total waste of time . . . but still pretty cool to watch nonetheless.

By the way, I can name 58 movies in this video. How many can you name?

Kelly-ism #11

Let's see . . . which one should I tell you about? There were just so many this past weekend!

How about the one where she was talking in funny voices to Tate?

So she's sitting in front of Tate making goofy voices when she rolls out a raspy, "Hey, hey, hey!"

She stopped and said to me, "Who do I sound like - 'Hey, hey, hey!"

"I couldn't tell ya' - who?"

She said, "Listen, 'Hey, hey, hey!" (As if repeating to me made any difference!)

"Are you trying to sound like Fat Albert?"

"Right! I sound like Fat Albert! Hey, hey, hey!"

"You sound more like an inebriated Pee-Wee Herman."

So for the rest of our beautiful Saturday afternoon, Tate and I were inundated with one-liners that sounded like a cross between Kelly, Fat Albert and Pee Wee Herman.

Nothing screams growing up in the 70's & 80's like Fat Albert & Pee-Wee Herman on a Saturday morning!

Indian Thriller

Have you heard the saying 'imitation is the highest form of compliment'? This video proves that the imitation better be pretty good or else the compliment will be lost.

And this video also proves that there's only one Michael Jackson - and thank goodness for that!

Golima? Is that supposed to be Indian for 'Thriller'? It looks like the make-up artists working on this video got their supplies from a grocery store clearance aisle the day after Halloween - I had better Halloween make-up than this!

And where's Vincent Price's monologue?

What's sad is that, thanks to my overly conservative up-bringing, I can't dance any better than this guy; although I do have a pretty good Moonwalk!

My New Favorite TV Commercial

FedEx seems to be giving the beer industry a run for their money in making funny commercials.

This one ranks top of my list.

Merry Christmas!

The Joy of Winter

As the mid-west is currently enjoying "Artic Blast 2006", this clip is a great reminder of why I prefer living in an area that has an annual snowfall of less than 3 inches.

When a SNL parady seems all too real!

This has always been my favorite Saturday Night Live sketch because (1) it's funny and (2) the "little boy" reminds me of myself growing up - sad, isn't it?

It's all fun and games until you can relate to something you see on SNL!

(Double-click play button to start)