Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Sunday, April 13, 2008
My New Favorite TV Commercial
Watch the video first, then read below.
I missed it the first time - did you?
Just so that you don't miss me, this is what I look like when I'm on my bike!
I missed it the first time - did you?
Just so that you don't miss me, this is what I look like when I'm on my bike!
Friday, April 11, 2008
Ich Bin Ein Tibetan!
There are three things which together stand as the greatest threat to The United States of America:
1. Overly populated communist Asian countries who land-grab smaller neighboring countries in an attempt to make room for more prisons to incarcerate unruly protesters.
2. Non-incarcerated unruly protesters who demonstrate their opposition to overly populated communist Asian countries by disrupting public events.
3. The Oreck 8 Pound Upright Vacuum Cleaner.
Let's start in order - 1. China's aggressive take-over of Tibet and suppression of its people should be viewed the same as a school yard bully who is being both aggressive and suppressive. In a blatant disregard of Generally Accepted School Yard Principles, China has taken control of Tibet without any justification and/or provocation.
At least when America invaded Iraq, we could have sworn Iraq had something to do with world terrorism! But in our defense, how were we to know that the mastermind behind 9/11 was actually a cave-dwelling Saudi who (as some far right-wing extremists would have us believe) is somehow distantly related to Senator Barack Obama?
But there is no defense for China! They haven't even shown the common courtesy to mistakenly accuse Tibet of hiding weapons of mass destruction!
Consequently, these actions taken by China have drawn the much-feared and uncomfortable glare of this blog! You have just been put on notice, China!
2. I now turn my disapproving gaze to those no-good-do-gooder-anti-People's-Republic-of-China protesters whose attempts to single-handily defeat The Red Army have instead marred and disgraced America's favorite over-hyped and under-attended parade, the Olympic Torch Relay.
These protesters have erroneously directed their ill-will towards the Olympic Torch bearer as if he or she were somehow connected to China, Tibet or even served as a symbol of peace through sport and the Olympic ideal . . . with or without the steroids!
Carrying the Olympic flame in a torch relay is wonderful achievement that is meant to honor the individual - not the hosting country! But just when the torch bearer was supposed to be cheered, the protesters instead gang rushed them in the middle of their moment in the spotlight!
Ooooo, I'm sure that showed China! No doubt they now see the error of their ways and will pull out of Tibet while begging for the world's forgiveness!
So let me cut to the point(s):
1. China, stop picking on countries smaller than you - which, according to the last time I checked a world map, is all of them!
2. Protesters, stop robbing people of their rightly earned 15 minutes of fame in the name of your own well-intentioned yet sorely misguided political agenda!
3. Oreck, stop making light-weight vacuum cleaners - they're contributing to this country's outbreak of flabby arms! Vacuum cleaners should weigh at least 35 pounds out of the box!
As for Tibet, let us all unite and say "Ich bin ein Tibetan!" - which awkwardly translates to, "I am a Tibetan jelly doughnut!"
1. Overly populated communist Asian countries who land-grab smaller neighboring countries in an attempt to make room for more prisons to incarcerate unruly protesters.
2. Non-incarcerated unruly protesters who demonstrate their opposition to overly populated communist Asian countries by disrupting public events.
3. The Oreck 8 Pound Upright Vacuum Cleaner.
Let's start in order - 1. China's aggressive take-over of Tibet and suppression of its people should be viewed the same as a school yard bully who is being both aggressive and suppressive. In a blatant disregard of Generally Accepted School Yard Principles, China has taken control of Tibet without any justification and/or provocation.
At least when America invaded Iraq, we could have sworn Iraq had something to do with world terrorism! But in our defense, how were we to know that the mastermind behind 9/11 was actually a cave-dwelling Saudi who (as some far right-wing extremists would have us believe) is somehow distantly related to Senator Barack Obama?
But there is no defense for China! They haven't even shown the common courtesy to mistakenly accuse Tibet of hiding weapons of mass destruction!
Consequently, these actions taken by China have drawn the much-feared and uncomfortable glare of this blog! You have just been put on notice, China!
2. I now turn my disapproving gaze to those no-good-do-gooder-anti-People's-Republic-of-China protesters whose attempts to single-handily defeat The Red Army have instead marred and disgraced America's favorite over-hyped and under-attended parade, the Olympic Torch Relay.
These protesters have erroneously directed their ill-will towards the Olympic Torch bearer as if he or she were somehow connected to China, Tibet or even served as a symbol of peace through sport and the Olympic ideal . . . with or without the steroids!
Carrying the Olympic flame in a torch relay is wonderful achievement that is meant to honor the individual - not the hosting country! But just when the torch bearer was supposed to be cheered, the protesters instead gang rushed them in the middle of their moment in the spotlight!
Ooooo, I'm sure that showed China! No doubt they now see the error of their ways and will pull out of Tibet while begging for the world's forgiveness!
So let me cut to the point(s):
1. China, stop picking on countries smaller than you - which, according to the last time I checked a world map, is all of them!
2. Protesters, stop robbing people of their rightly earned 15 minutes of fame in the name of your own well-intentioned yet sorely misguided political agenda!
3. Oreck, stop making light-weight vacuum cleaners - they're contributing to this country's outbreak of flabby arms! Vacuum cleaners should weigh at least 35 pounds out of the box!
As for Tibet, let us all unite and say "Ich bin ein Tibetan!" - which awkwardly translates to, "I am a Tibetan jelly doughnut!"
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
Sunday, April 06, 2008
High School Musical, Chick-Fil-A & Mirrors That Make You Look Fat!
Kelly won "Aunt of the Year" honors last night by taking our niece to see High School Musical on Ice.
(Great! Now I'm gonna get 50 hits a day from 10-year old girls googling HSM! I'm a grumpy old man! Grrrrrrr! Go away!)
Since it was just me and the little man, I defaulted to my standard dinner at Chick-Fil-A. Hey, why make it difficult on yourself when you're flying solo, right?
It was kinda ironic that during dinner Tate was completely captivated by 3 10-year old girls decked out in HSM outfits who were obviously on their way to the show themselves. It was hard not to be - they were so reved up their squealing and giggling filled the entire restaurant.
At one point, one of the little girls came in from the playground and announced, "Mommy! They've got a mirror that makes you look fat!"
I nearly spit out my iced tea from laughing so hard!
Mommy replied, "Eh, we've got one of those at home!"
Then I actually did spit out my iced tea from laughing so hard!
(Great! Now I'm gonna get 50 hits a day from 10-year old girls googling HSM! I'm a grumpy old man! Grrrrrrr! Go away!)
Since it was just me and the little man, I defaulted to my standard dinner at Chick-Fil-A. Hey, why make it difficult on yourself when you're flying solo, right?
It was kinda ironic that during dinner Tate was completely captivated by 3 10-year old girls decked out in HSM outfits who were obviously on their way to the show themselves. It was hard not to be - they were so reved up their squealing and giggling filled the entire restaurant.
At one point, one of the little girls came in from the playground and announced, "Mommy! They've got a mirror that makes you look fat!"
I nearly spit out my iced tea from laughing so hard!
Mommy replied, "Eh, we've got one of those at home!"
Then I actually did spit out my iced tea from laughing so hard!
Friday, April 04, 2008
What More In The Name of Love?
"Early morning, April 4
Shot rings out in the Memphis sky
Free at last, they took your life
They could not take your pride
In the name of love
What more in the name of love?"
(Interesting trivia: Martin Luther King, Jr was actually shot at 6 PM - check your facts, Bono!)
Thursday, April 03, 2008
Play Nice or Go Home!
I'm sorry . . . but it had to be done!
I thought we were all doing a good job peacefully co-existing. I thought we were able to respect each other's personal space within cyber-space. I thought there was a certain level of mutual understanding that dictated that this is my blog and that is your blog.
What I do and say on my blog is my business and what you do and say on your blog is your business . . . so long as you don't try to conduct your business on my blog!
Thanks to on-line Brazilian computer stores, personal typing assistants who I have apparently met at the airport and those selling services on a website I dare not visit, I have reluctantly decided to add Word Verification to my Comments window!
I thought we were all doing a good job peacefully co-existing. I thought we were able to respect each other's personal space within cyber-space. I thought there was a certain level of mutual understanding that dictated that this is my blog and that is your blog.
What I do and say on my blog is my business and what you do and say on your blog is your business . . . so long as you don't try to conduct your business on my blog!
Thanks to on-line Brazilian computer stores, personal typing assistants who I have apparently met at the airport and those selling services on a website I dare not visit, I have reluctantly decided to add Word Verification to my Comments window!
I know, I know - Word Verification is a beating! It's a bothersome extra step you have to take when all you want to say is a quick 'hello'.
Half of the time it doesn't work because you can't figure out if one of the letters is a p or a q! That's an n - no, it's an m. How can that be a v? It looks like an u!
Beating!
But it's even more infuriating when I find spam comments on my blog!
GRRRRR!
One of these days I'm gonna bump into one of those comment spammers! And when I do, I'm gonna grab him (or her, but more than likely him) by the collar and . . . ! Well, let's just say that I will take a moment to communicate my disappointment in how he has chosen to earn a living!
And by reading some of your blogs, I know you feel the same way!
(I'm feelin' ya' PHylemon!)
Watch out, Comment Spammers! You've just been put on notice!
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