But first, let's take time to 'ooooo' and 'ahhhh' at Kelly's gift for holiday decor . . . .
Now on to my list of con's against real Christmas trees:
1. In order to get a real tree, you have to drive to a tree lot, fight for a parking space, lay claim to the most non-odd looking tree, haggle over the price of said-non-odd-looking-tree with some guy who has a Marlboro hanging out of the corner of his mouth, strap said-oddity to the roof of your car, admire the affinity between tree sap and the roof of your car, and drive home at a snail's pace so the wind doesn't strip all the needles off of your over-priced drendologic freak of nature.
(Previous paragraph summed up in one word: Beating!!!)
2. Finally finish 2 hours of stringing lights, hanging ornaments and balancing a tree topper on your now needle-stripped tree only to have your wife come in and say in a very unimpressed tone, "It's still leaning too far to the right!" . . . you decide against pointing out to her that it leaned a little to the right even in the forest before it was cut down.
(Smart move!)
3. A week later, you causually walk through the living room and notice your real tree going up in flames because it caught fire from the Christmas lights after you forgot to keep it watered!
4. You spend Christmas morning trying to convience your 5-year old how cool it is to be the only girl in school who has Melted Barbie.
5. Once Christmas is over, you pay a $250 ticket because your tree-hugging neighbors caught you dumping your real tree at the park and turned you in to the police.
Wow, sounds like a merry little migraine if you ask me!
Now the list of pro's for an artificial tree:
1. You bring your artificial Christmas tree down from your attic - perhaps you may need to enlist the help of your neighbor . . . the one who has a Marlboro hanging out of the corner of his mouth.
2. You spend only 45 minutes setting up artificial tree perfectly straight in its stand, plugging in pre-hung lights (man's greatest invention, by the way), and hanging ornaments.
3. You spend the rest of the holidays doing things like watching your neighbor haul his charred real tree to the curb after it BBQ'ed his Christmas. He looks up just in time see the smirk on your face from knowing that your artificial tree is fire-retardant.
4. Instead of consoling your family who is distraught over gifts of Melted Barbie and warped gift cards on Christmas morning, you instead enjoy countless hours reading instruction manuals and searching for another pack of AA batteries . . . actually both of these may be con's!
5. You spend all of 30 minutes after Christmas taking down your artificial tree and putting it back in the attic . . . with or without help from Mr. Three-Packs-A-Day!
6. Finally, You later sleep with a good conscience knowing that, because you didn't purchase a real tree for Christmas, you have single-handedly curbed global warming!
Once again, I rest my case!
4 comments:
No contest indeed. This year the Swayne family upgraded to the pre-lit tree, and as you said, it is the greatest invention known to man. Plus, our non-pre-lit tree had actual separate branches with an awkward color coding system to know where they belonged on the central tree "trunk." WAY too much thought for the Holiday season.
We always go for the artifical tree. Not sure why anyone would willingly take on the task of a real tree every holiday season.
One time when my husband was a child he was sitting next to his family's real Christmas tree when an army of tiny spiders left their cozy tree home and decided to crawl all over him. He never quite recovered from that one.
Hey Swan!
Yikes, your tree does come seem a bit more complex than mine! But if there's anyone who could figure it out it would be you!
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Hey L,
Wow, poor T! That would scar me for life too!
This is our first year with a REAL tree and it went something like this:
1)Pulled into lot looked for 5 minutes and said I'll take that one. Sat in the warmth of the car while the guy hoisted it on top.
2)Drove like a mad woman because I was late to pick up a kid at preschool. Squealed into the drive way to have the tree fly off and land neatly upright on the front porch. OK - I made up the last sentence. But it was a smallish tree and easy for me to get off the roof.
3)Had hubby drag it in and plop it in the stand. Not a bit crooked cause hey - I picked the perfect tree.
4)Had kids make a bunch of junk, um I mean beautiful artwork, to toss, I mean hang artfully, on the tree.
5)The bonus part? The day after Christmas chunking the whole thing out to the curb where the town will pick it up for recycling. Cause hey - we're going to China baby!
All in all a good tree year. I have to say - I'm liking this real tree thing!
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