My Observations From Our 10-Year Reunion at ACU Last Weekend

1. Don’t sign up to help with the Annual Fund Campaign unless you’re comfortable with calling people you haven’t talked to in a really long time to ask them to donate large sums of money to ACU while the economy is bad, they're still paying off students loans, and/or they’re expecting another baby soon.

2. If you haven’t heard from me in years but suddenly notice my name pop up on your caller ID . . . don’t pick up the phone unless you’re comfortable listening to me stammer around for 20 minutes while I work up the nerve to ask you to donate large sums of money to ACU and then beg you to come back for Homecoming.

3. In case you forgot, Eastland is a speed trap!

4. In case you get pulled over in Eastland, be polite, smile, apologize and whimper as if you’re about to cry. Apparently that’s all it takes to get away with only a warning!

(Whew!)

5. There are two ways to be cool at ACU. First way: Pull out your iPhone in the middle of Chapel and text the person sitting two seats down from you – hey, all the other students were doing it!

6. Or, the second way . . . you can just be Kooooooooool!

(Is it just me or am I starting to look like Kool with my sunglasses and whiskers????)

7. Of all the people I bumped into, only once did I find myself in a conversation with someone who I apparently was supposed to know but had absolutely no clue who they were. I just kept thinking, “Keep the conversation as vague and generic as possible!”

8. There’s no quicker way to endear yourself to the President of ACU than by handing him your child and making he and his wife pose for a photo by saying, “Full Scholarship!”

(Now I have photographic evidence that he promised Tate a full ride!)

9. Judging by how things went during the Gamma Sigma Phi Breakfast, the guys I was in club were the most fun. All the younger alumni were way too serious and kept looking over their shoulders at us. All in good fun, boys!

10. Carrying a highchair through The Bean for your son to sit in is a very surreal moment.

11. Why is it that when Tate screams at the top of his lungs and runs circles around The GATA Fountain all the college girls giggle and comment on how cute he is . . . but when I did the same thing 10 years ago they all just looked the other way and acted like I didn’t exist?


12. You know you’re old when you can be overheard saying while walking across campus, “Wow! I can’t believe how big these trees have grown!” I must have said that 20 times!


13. You also know you’re old when you’re actually excited about going back to the hotel for Tate’s afternoon nap instead of going to the football game – GSP breakfast came really early that morning!

14. I now have another reason to be insanely jealous of my best friend/college roommate's back swing. Not only did Brian's group win the Homecoming Golf Tourney but he made a freakin' hole-in-one! I'm telling you, his back swing is such sweetness!

The sad part is that there was a hole-in-one contest for a free pick-up truck on the front nine - Brian made his ace on the back nine! But don't feel sorry for him, he still walked away with a free set of irons. Plus, this is his 3rd hole-in-one!

He's such a show-off, the jerk!

(Thanks Amy for letting me steal your photo!)

15. The two things that make the weekend all worthwhile: Great friends & great memories!

Random Fast Food Drive-Thru Signs

Leave it to Whataburger to take all the fun out of driving around town while wearing my gorilla mask!

Tate's First Highlight Reel

US Airways: A Sith Apprentice or A New Hope?

I’ve never been shy about voicing my displeasure against The Evil Empire. Needless to say, I was happy to fly the friendly skies instead with US Airways to a conference in Phoenix.

When I took my seat, the first thing that I noticed was how hot it was on the airplane. The second thing I noticed was how the guy sitting next to me had a nervous laugh and couldn’t keep from fidgeting with the air vent even though no air was blowing out.

There’s a long list of things that are inappropriate to say in any social setting. Those things are usually written in BOLD if your social setting is taking place on an airplane. And I’ve mentioned before how poorly I react to those socially awkward conservations.

It all came about when the guy finally got frustrated with the lack of A/C and blurted out, “I don’t why the let these planes get so hot! It’s so uncomfortable particularly since I sweat more than most people!”

How are you supposed to respond to that? 

“Congratulations!” 

“I’ll pray for you!”

"Please don't drip on me!"

I stuck with my standard: “So . . . uh . . . crazy weather lately, huh?”

Eventually the air kicked on and Sweat Man was able to cool off.
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I had the following conversation with the flight attendant on the way back . . .

Flight Attendant: “Sir, would you care for something to drink?”

(She hands me a napkin)

Me: “Water would be great!”

FA: “Sure, that will be $2.”

(I had the napkin back)

Me: “Actually, I fine! Thanks!”

$2 bucks for water?????? It’s not even bottled!! $2 bucks for a cup of water!!!!!!  

You’ve got to be kidding!
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As we were beginning our decent into D/FW, I turned off my iPod and put it in the magazine pocket in front of me along with my headphones.

45 minutes later while driving through Grapevine I suddenly realized that I left them both on the plane!

AAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Showing no regard for posted speed limits and/or on-coming traffic, I pulled a U-ie and raced back to the airport terminal – after all, this WAS an emergency!

Since I came in on a late flight, the baggage claim area was completely disserted when I arrived. Just as I was about vomit in my mouth at the thought of losing my iPod and noise-cancelling headphones forever I noticed the US Airways Customer Service office just as the lights were being turned off.

I rushed over and stood in the open doorway wide-eyed and panting from running across the parking lot and through half the terminal. Without my having to explain anything, the guy behind the counter gave me a look and said, “If you can tell me what song is playing when I press Play then you can have your iPod back!”

No joke!

Thank The Lord for honest airline custodians!!!

There’s plenty I can say about an airline charging me $2 for a cup of water. But I’ll let it slide since I would have had to pay plenty more to replace my iPod and headphones!

. . . but I seriously doubt I would have been able to say the same had it been The Evil Empire!

Darth Vader vs. The Japanese Police

I found this video after watching "Darth Vader Plays Golf" on Trey Morgan's blog - which is also pretty funny.  Enjoy . . . 

Wade & Tate's Little Adventure

Kelly, Tate and I drove down to San Antonio this past weekend to visit some friends who just had a baby. Since Kelly wanted some “Kelly time” with her old college roommate and baby Campbell, Tate and I hopped on plane back to D/FW on Saturday.

OK, so did you get that? Tate and I hopped on a plane . . . by ourselves . . . just him and me . . . no Kelly . . . no help . . . no supervising adults . . . no problem!

So here are a few observations of our 45-minute excursion at 25,000 feet.

1. You can get through security a whole lot faster when you’re a single parent with a child. Apparently TSA agents are suckers for blond-haired, blue-eyed, nearly 2-year olds who make an effort to show everyone his Hot Wheels car.

(I’m not sure if that’s supposed to make me feel better or worse about homeland security!)

2. Unfortunately the single-parent-with-child doesn’t get you squat at the food court. All I wanted to do was to purchase a cup of fruit yogurt. But after 4 minutes of standing at the cash register while waiting for the guy whose name tag simply said “trainee” to figure out how to run my credit card I caught myself actually wondering how bad it could be if Tate didn’t get a snack before getting on the plane. I never found out because “trainee” eventually figured it out.

(And yes, it was 4 minutes! You tend to notice how long things take when you're carrying two bags and restless child!)

3. At home, we’ll use videos from time to time when we need to occupy Tate for a few minutes. But apparently all we have to do is park a MD-80 in our backyard and he’ll stay glued to the window for hours.


4. There’s nothing better when you’re flying alone with a 22-month old when the lady at the gate informs you that there are only 30 people on your flight and you’ll have the entire aisle to yourself!

(Kudos to Kelly for booking us on this flight!)

5. There’s no doubt left in your mind on whether your 22-month old understands that he’s flying in an airplane when he starts yelling, “Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!” during take-off so loud that the pilot can hear him!

6. Thank the Lord in Heaven for portable DVD players!


7. The Evil Empire isn’t doing you any favors (and they rarely do!) when they make you stow away all your toys, books, and games prior to landing and then make you sit on the tarmac for 15 minutes with nothing to distract your child while you wait for some other plane to pull away from your gate. Have you ever tried to make the booklet explaining the emergency exits sound exciting to your child?

“And look, Tate! After we crash land in the ocean, we get to use our seat cushions as floatation devices until help arrives!”

It was a great little adventure for the two of us! Tate obviously won’t remember it, but it’ll go down as one of my favorites!

Tate-ism #16

When Tate and I pulled into Krispy Kreme's parking lot this morning, he pointed and said, "Elmo car!"