It's interesting to notice the different personalities you find on a commercial airplane.
Take the idiosyncrasies, personality quirks, and social anxieties of a couple hundred people and cram them all into the personal-space-defying, flying sardine can also known as a MD-80 and you'll have a case study that could well define our society today!
I always seem to first notice the infrequent “What do you mean I have to put all my liquids in a zip lock bag” flyer at the security check-point. It’s hard not to notice someone who has no clue what’s going on. I once watched a woman try to argue that the TSA agent couldn’t confiscate her 20 oz bottle of shampoo because she “paid $50 bucks for it!” Hey lady, this has only been a rule for nearly 7 years – get with the program!
Next I always notice the “My frequent flyer status is higher than your status” guy just moments before boarding begins – which is when he stands in front of everyone else waiting to board because he knows the Double-Super-Gold-Plated-Platinum-With-Sapphire-Diamonds AAdvantage flyers get to board before the rest of us peons!
Shortly thereafter, the “I don’t fly much but I’m still important because I’m ‘flying on business’” guy appears. This is the guy who holds up the entire boarding process because he’s going to argue with the boarding agent that his garmet bag (which is over-packed to the point that it can’t even fold in half) can somehow fit easily in the overhead compartment.
Hey pal, if you have traveled near as much as you think you have then you would already know that the overhead compartment is barely big enough to hold your over-sized noise-cancelling headphones much less than the 5 days worth of crap you packed for a 2-day trip! Pay the extra $25 to check your bag and stop wasting everyone’s time!
Once we’re airborne, I always notice the “Rules don’t apply to me so I’m going to keep listening my iPod even though FAA regulations say that I must turn off all electronics during take-off and landing” guy.
This guy is the most selfish of them all. If he were to google this issue on his iPhone then he’d learn that electronics create static that often interfere with communications between pilots and Air Traffic Control. But since he can’t do without his precious Coldplay for a whole 10 minutes during take-off and landing, he just ignores federal regulations and puts the whole flight in jeopardy!
And which personality-type do I fill? I’m the guy across the aisle who is doing all that he can not to press the flight attendant call button and bust the other guy for having for not following the rules like the rest of us! He drives me NUTS, this guy!
Hey iPal, should the plane go into a spiraling nose dive because of your stupid iTouch then just know that the over-stuffed garmet bag that just knocked you half unconscious didn’t just accidentally fall out of the overhead compartment - I deliberately threw it at you!
Other personalities to keep an eye out for are:
The “I’m going to make everyone on my aisle get up 4 times during the flight to let me go to the lavatory because I just drank a 36 oz bottle of water” guy.
The “I’M GOING TO TALK EXTREMELY LOUD BECAUSE I’M WEARING NOISE-CANCELLING HEADPHONES” guy.
The “Did you look at my computer screen!?! Why are you looking at my computer screen!?!” guy.
The “I have every right to recline my seat so I’m going to lean back forcefully and unexpectedly and split your knee caps in half” guy.
Ah, what fun it is to fly the friendly skies!
And which personality-type do I fill? I’m the guy across the aisle who is doing all that he can not to press the flight attendant call button and bust the other guy for having for not following the rules like the rest of us! He drives me NUTS, this guy!
Hey iPal, should the plane go into a spiraling nose dive because of your stupid iTouch then just know that the over-stuffed garmet bag that just knocked you half unconscious didn’t just accidentally fall out of the overhead compartment - I deliberately threw it at you!
Other personalities to keep an eye out for are:
The “I’m going to make everyone on my aisle get up 4 times during the flight to let me go to the lavatory because I just drank a 36 oz bottle of water” guy.
The “I’M GOING TO TALK EXTREMELY LOUD BECAUSE I’M WEARING NOISE-CANCELLING HEADPHONES” guy.
The “Did you look at my computer screen!?! Why are you looking at my computer screen!?!” guy.
The “I have every right to recline my seat so I’m going to lean back forcefully and unexpectedly and split your knee caps in half” guy.
Ah, what fun it is to fly the friendly skies!
3 comments:
AH! Another one of your great flight experiences series - I love it.
I once had a lady in front of me at the security check who wanted to take a HUGE bodylotion bottle with her on a flight from Zurich to Frankfurt (1/2 hour) telling the security guy that she needed all of this because of her dry skin.
I would have loved to see her using up the complete bottle during 30 min flight.
Hope you have to fly many more times :-)
I will be adding to the evil empire's coffers this weekend as I fly home for a wedding. I plan on being "The Old Lady Who Swallowed a Fly"...this is when a tired mom/pregnant lady collapses in her seat from exhaustion before take off actually begins and she's so unconscious that all muscles in her jaw relax. Her body slumps against the window (blocking any hope of a picturesque view). Her mouth is open so wide you could check for cavities...and the poor lady wakes up 3 hours later from the jolt of the landing gear hitting the pavement. Her mouth is drier than the Sahara, and as she smacks her lips (hoping to revive saliva production and wishing she had stayed awake long enough for drink service), she looks to her left, sheepishly, to find herself sitting next to Wade...poor, poor, Wade. :)
I love it! Hilarious!
Post a Comment