400

This is my 400th post on Wade's Rantings!

So in celebration for there apparently not being anything better on the Internet for you to read at the moment, I'll share 400 random things you probably don't already know about me!

Ha, yeah right! How about we settle for just 10 instead?

1. I recently discovered that I'm a perfectionist. Apparently, I've always been a perfectionist but I'm just now becoming aware of and coming to terms with this new self-discovery.

Speaking of which, do you mind not sitting that way in your chair while reading my blog? . . . Thanks!

2. Every summer about this time when NFL training camps get underway I get really impatient for football season to start. Seriously, I'm already looking forward to kick-off weekend!

3. I have a number of short cuts that I like to take when getting around town. Anytime Kelly is in the car with me when I take one of my highly effective and efficient short cuts there's always a debate between us as to how much time I'm actually saving.

4. I want to be a Texas Ranger fan - I really do. But I just can't bring myself to endure the inevitable heartbreak. Besides, the Dallas Mavericks are already doing a good job of ripping my heart out every year!

5. Summertime is a particularly difficult time for me in my struggle not to covet because of all the ski boats I see being pulled down the road.

6. I planted some sweet potato vine in our backyard this summer and I'm a little prideful of how well it is growing. I enjoy going out at night (when it's not 400 freakin' degrees) and admire it while watering my plants.

7. I'm listening to American Pie by Don McLean while typing this post . . . and it scares me that I know every word of this song!

8. Now I'm listening to U2's In a Little While. Man, I'd love to learn how to play that intro on my guitar because Kelly thinks this song is sexy! But, of course, I'm making a big assumption that she would find me equally as sexy if I could play it on my guitar.

Bono-schmono!

9. I spent the past 3 weeks watching every stage of the Tour de France. My favorite part was anytime Tate would crawl up in my lap and watch it with me. He would point to the TV and say, "G-g-go!" I laughed every time!

10. I have to brag on myself a little . . . 160 days with no Dr. Pepper, Sprite, Root Beer or any carbonated drink of any kind is pretty darn impressive considering how addicted I used to be to those drinks.

Thanks again for taking the time to stop by!

Mama Come Home!

Kelly headed down to San Antonio this past weekend for a much deserved trip on her own to see an old roommate. That left Tate and I home alone to do guy stuff like swing in the back yard, eat Krispy Kremes and swim at the local mini-Hurricane Harbor.

Unfortunately it was not a weekend without its tears . . . for either of us!

Me first.

Tate and I were in the back yard playing our favorite game of Swing & Dog Poop. That's where Tate flies back and forth in his swing while I clean up dog poop. I don't care for the game much myself but Tate really seems to enjoy it.

But this time was particularly bad - while bending over to pick up Macy's latest contribution to our yard I suddenly felt something crawling just behind my ear. Then there was a sudden stinging pain!

I slapped the back of my head and watched a crumpled up wasp fall to the ground! I got stung by a wasp while cleaning up dog poop!!

Crimeny!

Since I didn't feel that stomping it to death was sufficient retribution for its malfeasance, I rushed into the house and grabbed a can of bug spray for good measure!

(This proves that I would be a terrible world leader as I always opt for chemical warfare!)

I didn't have any reaction to the sting other than a burning scalp and a serious case of the "creepy crawlies."

Stupid wasp!

Tate had a great weekend . . . if you exclude the fact that he spent it teething!!!!

I actually wondered if Kelly purposefully planned to be away this weekend - not that I blame her if she did!

I thought surely the local swimming pool could appease him but there was no such luck. In fact, he had an all out meltdown and screamed at some lady just for swimming too close to us! I was quick to apologize and tell her that Tate was teething but she gave me one of those "Uh-huh, sure!" looks!

Whatever, Flipper!

The sad part was hearing Tate ask for Kelly all weekend long, "Mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama!"

Oh sure, it's cute and adorable . . . until you hear it 50 times in a row!! At which point I caved in as well, "Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly!"

Oh well! When all else fails - try sugary snacks!

Book Rant: For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn

Wow, it's been a long time since I've done a Book Rant.

I know this book isn't hot off the press and I'm sure most of have you probably already heard about it. But I thought I would mention it not so much because of what it said (and it said a lot) but more because of the fact that I read it.

It's called For Women Only: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men by Shaunti Feldhahn.

The book is based on the research she did while surveying 1,000 men about their relationships with their spouses and is meant to help women understand how men think.

No doubt you're wondering then why the heck did I read it if it's written for women. Well, simply put, I've been battling inner demons for some time now and I needed to figure out what the heck was going on in my head. Perhaps someday I'll elaborate.

But for now, I just want to say how impressed I am with how closely this book described me - and I didn't even have to fill out any questionnaires or personality tests!

There was something very reassuring about reading how most other men struggle with the exact same things that I'm struggling with. And it was great being able to read how easily the book was able to put into words things which I've struggled to describe to Kelly . . . much less come to terms with, myself.

(Unnecessary comma use?)

I've still got some demon battling to do, but this simple book helped me understand many things about myself that I have long been confused about. Which is why I say, if you are a wife reading this book, then do your husband a favor hand it to him when you're finished!

Now I'm off to read For Men Only . . . which is the book that I'm actually supposed to read!

Church Marquee of the Week #3

I'm not sure, but I think I'm a little offended by this marquee.



I understand it's point, our children are blessings from God and we should take care of them likewise.



But my thought is, when it comes to raising children, we have just a tad bit more responsibility as parents than if we were just babysitters - no offense to babysitters!



Ultimately, it really doesn't matter and by bringing it up I'm only perpetuating our society's tendency to cry "Foul!" just because we are offended by something we heard or read.  But I wonder if the parents of this church feel that their hard work has been minimized by this marquee.



And on some level, I actually hope God does view us as babysitters . . . because I charge $10 bucks an hour . . . per kid!

I Need A New Internet Toy Like I Need A New Addiction!

. . . and I don't need a new addiction!

Kelly got me sucked into Facebook recently.  It all started when she opened a Facebook account for herself and spent the next 2 days yelling, "I've got a new friend!" from behind the computer - curiousity got the best of me!

Just as Eve handed Adam the apple, so Kelly handed me Facebook.  And just like Adam, I took a big ol' honkin' bite!

(And, yes, I am comparing Facebook to the Fall of Man!)

Want a new drug?  Try my Facebook page!

(Yeah, I know.  Shameless plug.)

My New Favorite Picture of Tate & I

I'm No Grizzly Adams

One thing Kelly and I wanted to do while in Lake Tahoe was to take Tate on a real nature hike. Tall green trees. Snow-capped mountains. Beautiful blue lake. Furry little chipmunks.



And according reading this sign, man-eating animals as well!

In case you can't read the first line, it says: "The area you are entering contains habitat suitable for both black bears and mountain lions. Although rare, sightings may occur."



Oooookay . . . good to know!Did I ever tell ya'll about my completely irrational fear of being mauled by wild animal? Seriously, I can't even watch movies like The Edge because I can't handle scenes where people get served up to lions, tigers and bears!



(And you're a dork if you just said, 'Oh my!')



Further instruction from the posted sign said to "Carry a walking stick or pepper spray for protection."



Uh, how about I just shoot the lion and/or bear with a .44 Magnum or a .30-06 with a long range scope instead?



C'mon, pepper spray? Give me a break! By the time you actually figured out how to squirt some "liquid fire" into the a charging cougar's eyes he would have already eaten half of your arm off!



The sign also suggests that if you happened to be attacked by a moutain lion or black bear then "fight aggressively!"



Oh sure, why didn't I think about that! My first thought would have been instead to scream like a girl and run like h-e-double hockey sticks! But I can see how fighting aggressively might work also . . . especially when you've got your 18-month old strapped on your back and your wife of nearly 10 years right behind you!!



Needless to say, I was more than a little nervous while we were on the trail. Every where I looked, I saw landscape similar to the scene in [name any movie where someone gets whacked by a mountain lion.] Even Kelly noticed I was getting a bit tense.



Unfortunately what we had planned on being an hour-long hike through God's backyard ended up being only a 15-minute stoll barely 200 yards into the vast wilderness! I had to turn back. Seriously, that sign really freaked me out.



But we got a chance to take a few very quick pics before returning civilization. I know it looks like I'm smiling but I'm actually flashing my big, sharp teeth for any potentially stalking predator to see!







I guess I'll always be a city boy!

Things I Heard While Vacationing in California

Rather than give you a play-by-play of what happened on our trip (I'll leave that to Kelly), let me instead share some of the 'behind the scenes' moments that lead to plenty of discussion while in Lake Tahoe.



1.  "We haven't served hamburger pizza in 25 years." -

Who said it:  A manager working at Round Table Pizza.  Pretty good pie.  Just don't ask for ground beef.  If you do, they'll look at you as if you have 3 heads!



My response:  "Failed smile" and an overly sarcastic, 5-minute diatribe at my table about how "absurdly high maintenance" it was of me to ask for pizza topping options beyond that of just pepperoni, saugsage and canadian bacon.



2. "So what exactly is sweet tea anyway?"

Who said it:  Aunt B, my favorite NoCal aunt-in-law who obviously hasn't spent enough time in the South!

My response:  I just looked at her like she had 3 heads.



3.  "Sir, you can't sleep here!"

Who said it:  A security guard at Harrah's in Lake Tahoe after I apparently broke some unwritten rule that you're not supposed to fall asleep in a casino lounge at 11:45 at night!



My response:  "Yeah, I can - I just did!"



4.  "How come Tate can take a nap but I can't?"



Who said it:  Me, when I was so dog tired from Tate waking up at 6 AM that morning thanks to the time change.  It was late morning when I said it and I wanted to take a nap.  Unfortunuately, it was time for me to pack up the car.



Kelly's response: That look she gives me when she doesn't want to hear it! 



5.  "I'm not too crazy about Chick-Fil-A."

Who said it:  Stephanie, my mom-in-law just after we had a delicious and affordable meal at one of America's finest fast food restaurants.



My response:  "How can you not be crazy about Chick-Fil-A?  What are you, a terrorist?"

What Not To Do When Driving A Rental Car . . .

. . especially when you're not listed as one of the drivers on the rental agreement!



Here's my "Griswald Moment" during our trip to Lake Tahoe.  I wish there was an exciting story that went along with this photo but the short story is that I caused over $2,000 worth in damages by driving my dad-in-law's rental over a curb . . . all while he was watching!



Wanna get away?

To The Guy Who Sat Behind Us On The Flight Home From Lake Tahoe . . .

1.  Excuuuuuuse us for having a 18-month old who would have the audacity to cry while sitting in the row in front of you!



2.  Oh yes, we heard your grunts and grumblings and felt your kicks in the back of our seats nearly the same instant Tate started crying.  If you can't handle a baby crying for 2 minutes then you wouldn't last half an hour in our world, buddy!



3.  I know I'm not supposed to judge but . . . you're a neanderthalian jerk!



(There, I said it!  Now let's all stop for a moment so said-nimrod can go look up "neanderthalian.")



4.  I admit that Tate had a full-blown meltdown while we were still sitting at the gate but that was because we purposefully kept Tate awake over an hour past his naptime so that he would sleep during the flight.



5.  I hope you felt bad when Tate fell asleep in the time it took for the plane to taxi out to the runway.



6.  And I hope you felt even worse 3 hours later when the pilot told us that we were beginning our decent into D/FW . . . because that was about the same time Tate woke up from his nap! 



He slept through the entire flight!!!!



7.  So let me spell this out for you (you big baby!), my wife held a sleeping 22 + pound baby in her arms for 3 stinkin' straight hours so that you could have your precious quiet time doing whatever it was you were doing back there!



And since you can't recognize it when you see it, what we did is referred to as "good parenting" - a rather simple concept that is obviously far too complex for you to appreciate let alone understand!



8.  Let there be no doubt in your mind that my glare when I came back from the restroom was meant for you, pal!

Who couldn't love our sweet sleeping boy?

(The big, dumb animal sitting in 4B, that's who!)

Happy 4th of July!

We're back home from a family vacation to Lake Tahoe to celebrate Kelly's Aunt Terry turning 50!  Don't worry, I predict loads of new posts in the very near future!



Here's a tease of what's to come:



- A list of random things said by random people, including myself!



- I'm a "scare-dy cat" when it comes to the great outdoors!



- Yet another "Griswald Moment."



- I twist off on someone involving a pre-flight incident . . . and it actually has nothing to do with American Airlines!



But first, I had to post a shot of Tate taking in his first 4th of July Firework Celebration in downtown Roanoke - though technically a day early on the 3rd of July!

Happy 4th of July!

Somebody's Been Busy!

I'm preparing to re-emerge into the blog world after being away for a few weeks due to work, vacation and life in general - I haven't even had the time to read my favorite blogs.

So you can probably imagine how overwhelming it is when I log onto my Google Reader account to find that I have over 180 blog posts to read!!!

Sheesh, you people blog a lot!

But who's complaining, right? I'm looking forward to getting caught up!