Ich Bin Ein Tibetan!

There are three things which together stand as the greatest threat to The United States of America:

1. Overly populated communist Asian countries who land-grab smaller neighboring countries in an attempt to make room for more prisons to incarcerate unruly protesters.



2. Non-incarcerated unruly protesters who demonstrate their opposition to overly populated communist Asian countries by disrupting public events.



3. The Oreck 8 Pound Upright Vacuum Cleaner.



Let's start in order - 1. China's aggressive take-over of Tibet and suppression of its people should be viewed the same as a school yard bully who is being both aggressive and suppressive. In a blatant disregard of Generally Accepted School Yard Principles, China has taken control of Tibet without any justification and/or provocation.

At least when America invaded Iraq, we could have sworn Iraq had something to do with world terrorism! But in our defense, how were we to know that the mastermind behind 9/11 was actually a cave-dwelling Saudi who (as some far right-wing extremists would have us believe) is somehow distantly related to Senator Barack Obama?

But there is no defense for China! They haven't even shown the common courtesy to mistakenly accuse Tibet of hiding weapons of mass destruction!

Consequently, these actions taken by China have drawn the much-feared and uncomfortable glare of this blog! You have just been put on notice, China!

2. I now turn my disapproving gaze to those no-good-do-gooder-anti-People's-Republic-of-China protesters whose attempts to single-handily defeat The Red Army have instead marred and disgraced America's favorite over-hyped and under-attended parade, the Olympic Torch Relay.

These protesters have erroneously directed their ill-will towards the Olympic Torch bearer as if he or she were somehow connected to China, Tibet or even served as a symbol of peace through sport and the Olympic ideal . . . with or without the steroids!

Carrying the Olympic flame in a torch relay is wonderful achievement that is meant to honor the individual - not the hosting country! But just when the torch bearer was supposed to be cheered, the protesters instead gang rushed them in the middle of their moment in the spotlight!

Ooooo, I'm sure that showed China! No doubt they now see the error of their ways and will pull out of Tibet while begging for the world's forgiveness!

So let me cut to the point(s):

1. China, stop picking on countries smaller than you - which, according to the last time I checked a world map, is all of them!

2. Protesters, stop robbing people of their rightly earned 15 minutes of fame in the name of your own well-intentioned yet sorely misguided political agenda!

3. Oreck, stop making light-weight vacuum cleaners - they're contributing to this country's outbreak of flabby arms! Vacuum cleaners should weigh at least 35 pounds out of the box!

As for Tibet, let us all unite and say "Ich bin ein Tibetan!" - which awkwardly translates to, "I am a Tibetan jelly doughnut!"