Enough Is Enough!

Soft drinks. Fountain drinks. Soda. Pop. Tonic water. Fizzy water. Liquid sugar. Coke.

Whatever you call them, carbonated drinks have been a dietary staple in my life ever since I came off the bottle as a baby!

There was a time when I wouldn't think twice about downing 6 Dr. Peppers during a meal. I used to joke with servers at restaurants to expect a "Dr. Pepper Derby" between my table and the kitchen with the number of refills I'd want.

Last year I tried only drinking caffeine-free drinks like Sprite and IBC Root Beer in order to cut back. Oh pa-lease! Who was I kidding??

But as of today, I have done something that I have never done before as long as I can remember - I have gone 7 days in row of no carbonated drinks of any kind!!!

No Coke. No Sprite. No Root Beer and especially . . . gasp! . . . no Dr. Pepper!

(Oh, sweet nectar of life!)

Go ahead and say it!

"I don't believe it!"

Oh, you better believe it! Nothing but water, iced tea and orange juice for 7 days!

I never had any headaches but my sweet tooth is going nuts! I guess it's trying to figure out where I'm going to make up for those 10 tablespoons of sugar per can I'm now missing out on.

(Blue Bell & Magic Shell, anyone?)

It's a little late for New Year's Resolutions but I figured I'd proclaim to the blogosphere that going forward, Wade's Rantings will be a carbonated drink-free blog.


(Which probably means this blog will now be pretty dull and boring. But hey, health begets happiness, right?)

But enough is enough!

I'll keep you posted on how I'm doing. But if you see a story on the evening news about a thirty-something who went berserk, stripped naked and began chasing Dr. Pepper delivery trucks then know that I totally cracked under the pressure of withdrawal from liquefied glucose and probably never should have attempted this little stunt in the first place!!

So on that note . . . wish me luck!

A Website That Will Describe Your Personality . . . And Then Give You A Complex!

Mutating Missionary posted a link to a website that will describe your personality based upon your name.

Here's what it came up with when I entered Wade:

You are very charming... dangerously so. You have the potential to break a lot of hearts. You know how what you want, how to get it, and that you will get it. You have the power to rule the world. Let's hope you're a benevolent dictator!

(Hey, I like the sound of this so far!)

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.

(Wow! I feel like this website really knows me!)

You have the classic "Type A" personality.

(Eh, not so much!)

You are balanced, orderly, and organized. You like your ducks in a row. You are powerful and competent, especially in the workplace.

(I certainly like to think so!)

People can see you as stubborn and headstrong. You definitely have a dominant personality.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.

(Wait! A moment ago I was authoritative, agressive, stubborn, headstrong and dominant - so which is it?)

At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

(Seriously! One minute I'm balanced, orderly and organized and then suddenly I'm flaky and irresponsible? Make up your stinkin' mind you stupid website or, I swear, I'll flood your server with more viruses than a doctor's waiting room . . . . uh . . . er . . . sorry, sometimes the authoritative dictator in me just can't help himself!)

Tate-ism #13

My neck hurts from just looking at this picture!

But, oh, the sweet sound of a sleeping child!

To The Guy Who Sat Next To Me On My Flight To Fort Lauderdale Earlier This Week . . .

For the love of all that is pure and holy . . . STOP FIDGETING!!!

But then again, how could anyone expect you to sit still during a 2-hour flight after you down a Starbuck's venti-double-expresso-white-mocha-latte-frappa-whatchamacallit so fast you're bouncin' off the overhead compartments like a 4th grader who snuck in a Dr. Pepper and 6 powdered donuts for breakfast two days after losing his Ritalin!!!

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By the way, I saw Trent Green (former quarterback for the Miami Dolphins, as of last week!) in the Fort Lauderdale airport but didn't care enough to beat him down with some random conversation just so that I could blog about seeing him.



So instead, I just gave him a knowing nod when we made eye contact as if to say that even though I knew who he was, I wasn't going to bug him about his plans now that he has been unceremoniously released from a football team that went 1-15 this past season.

Because, boy, that would have been really awkward!

What's In A Name?

I’m sure all of us have had our names butchered a time or two by a well-intended, yet completely oblivious, acquaintance.

With a last name like Strzinek, I’m actually impressed if you get it right!

But how hard is it to mess up Wade? I’ve heard Wayne, Dwayne and even Ray – those are somewhat understandable, yet still unacceptable, variations of my name.

But today I got to add a new mis-name to the list. And what is just as funny as the name itself was the total look of surprise by the other person when I didn’t immediately respond.

But why in the world would I respond to the question, “So how was your weekend, Westin?”

Westin? Who’s Westin? Are you talking to me?

She acted as if I was purposely ignoring her! Oh, sorry! But I usually don’t answer to names that aren't mine!

What makes it worse is that I have been handing my business card to this woman every 2 weeks for the past year!

Good to know that I’m appreciated!

I think from now on I'm gonna start calling her Maude!

(No offense to any Maude's out there!)

"You Can't Be Best Friends With Girls - They're Nuts!"

Now that I've offended the majority of those who read my blog, let me explain . . .

I was listening to a certain local sports radio station when the topic of whether or not you can be married to your best friend came up.

(Yeah, I realize that's not really a sports topic but it's pretty typical of this radio station to delve off into non-sportsy discussions when there's a sports lull.)

Anyway, the logic here was that no guy can be best friends with his wife because, as they delicately put it, "they're nuts". So instead, the husband will just let his wife believe that they are best friends in order to maintain marital bliss and household harmony.

It made me laugh not because I believe the statement to be true but rather because it was said with such authority despite the lack of supporting evidence. I should probably say that supporting evidence probably does exist, though none was presented in this highly refined debate.

Man, I wish I had a job where I could get away with making baseless, generalized statements all day!

(Side Rant: It's no wonder why we can't get anything done in this country when Congress spends our tax dollars talking about steriods in baseball when instead it should be talking about the war, the economy or some other topic of national and/or global importance.

To make matters worse, instead of talking about steriods in baseball, the local sports radio is talking about anything but!)

Googling Love In All The Wrong Places!

Random Google Search Results
Valentine's Day Edition

These search results pulled up my blog because of a post I wrote a couple years ago titled 20 Random Things I Love About My Wife.

Apparently Men everywhere are scrambling to come up with a list of things they love about the women in their lives because I've gotten no less than 15 hits this week alone from some variation of the searches below:

1. "list of things I love about my wife"

2. "10 things I love about my wife"

3. "50 things I love about my wife" - Sounds like that dude is in the dog house!

4. "things I love about my wife girlfriend" - Sounds like that dude is about to be in the dog house!
Just a couple comments to the guys who may consider copying my list . . .

1. Before you copy my list, ask yourself 2 questions, "Does my wife read this blog?" and "Is my wife friends with Wade's wife?". If you answered yes to either question but still copy my list and give it to your wife then this may be the last Valentine's Day you'll need to worry about for a while!

Want some advice? Don't ask Google to give you reasons why you love your wife! That's stuff you should already know!

2. Check the date of my list - that would be July! Don't wait until the day before Valentine's to tell your wife that you love her!

Alright, that's probably all the marital counseling I'm qualified to offer!

Who's Afraid of The Big, Bad Shark?

QOTW: E*Trade Is Kid's Play!

Back by popular demand . . .






One more question . . . which E*Trade commercial is your favorite?
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"Which Super Bowl commercial was your favorite?"

Total votes: 15

E*Trade - Baby trader: 5 votes, 33%

Doritos - Giant mouse: 3 votes, 20%

Bud Lite - Will Farrell as Jackie Moon: 2 votes, 13%

Pepsi - Justin Timberlake: 2 votes, 13%

Tide - Silence the stain: 1 votes, 6%

Other (Coke - James Carville and Bill Frist): 1 vote, 6%

Other (The commercials were toned down): 1 vote, 6%

Bud Lite - Fire breathing date: 0 votes, 0%

Bud Lite - Foreign accent pick-up lines: 0 votes, 0%

Apostrophe Abuse Alert!

Deana will often bring to our attention the rampant abuse of apostrophes in our country. So here's a picture she'll appreciate . . . or not, depending upon how she looks at it!


What makes this offense so shocking is that this sign can be found in a doctor's office!

A doctor's office!

So much for higher education, ey?

Shocking (Bulgarian) Confession #6

My recent email exchange with Konstantin got me thinking a lot about my summer mission trip to Varna, Bulgaria when I was 17.

Unfortunately, that summer holds both some of the high and low points of my teenaged years.

The obvious high point is the fact that, as a 17 year old, I planned and raised money for a mission trip to a foreign country so I could work with the wonderful people at the church in Varna.

The low point came when I, along with my accomplices who shall remain nameless, threw waterballoons at those same wonderful people on the street from our 3rd story balcony!

I know - not exactly the typical behavior you'd expect from Bible-totin', God-fearin', God-preachin' teenagers . . . in a foreign country only 3 years removed from Communist rule, no less!

Since our flat was not air-conditioned, you had to sleep with the windows and balcony door open. Normally, it was quite comfortable other than that we were 1 block away from the cinema/restaurant/night life district of Varna.

So we were woken every night around 1 AM by sounds of loud pedistrians (who were often drunk - but who's judging!) on the street below.

After a couple of weeks of this nightly interruption, I had finally had enough of a group of people directly below our balcony. I tried shoo-ing them away but apparently "shoo!" doesn't translate very well in Bulgarian. That's when I remembered that a water balloon was universal language for "Go away!"

Something funny happens when you throw a water balloon at a group of unsuspecting, drunk Bulgarians. (1) It suddenly becomes quiet again - that is, after they've left but not before hurling an unintelligible verbal assault of their own. (2) You realize how much fun it was - which, remember, is a typical response you'd expect from a 17-year old. (3) As a 17-year old, you begin planning your next blitzkrieg of .10 cent water balloons!

But now I'm a grown adult amidst confession so I should reiterate that this is not something I'm proud of . . . eventhough I fight back my own snickering as I write this post.

But it's good that I get this off my chest. It was really poor show to be "God loves you!" by day and but then "Bombs away!" by night! We justified it by saying it was God's wrath on international drunkenness!

I can say that it gained a slightly more redeeming quality when it turned into vigilante justice after we witnessed an out-of-control taxi nearly take out a couple as they walked across the street. Besides, the taxis were far more challenging to hit . . . and therefore worth more points!

So if you were suddenly soaked by snickering schoolboys while walking through Varna in the summer of '93 then I would like to say (1) I'm truly sorry . . . and (2) you were being too loud too late!

ACU Class of 1998 Reunion!

Just a quick post to those of you who are in the ACU Class of 1998 - our 10-Year Class Reunion is this year!

(Already?!)

I'm serving on our Reunion Campaign Committee which means (1) some of you may be getting a phone call from me soon trying to coerce you back to West Texas this coming fall . . . and (2) we've started a new blog for our reunion to get the word out about Homecoming '08. Please stop by . . . both the blog and Homecoming, that is!

To get to the blog, just click the fancy-schmancy button I created over the weekend! Feel free to paste the button on your blog as well - the code is on the blog.

Please mark your calendar for October 24-26, 2008! Hope to see you there!

The Good (Eli), The Bad (Belichick), & The Ugly (Petty)

For once, the big game actually lived up to its hype and even entertained us more than the hit-and-miss commercials.

In case you want to know, I eventually and decided to root for the defense . . . of both teams!

That's probably a unstable way of picking a team but I realized that the big names in this game, all of which I couldn't stand, played on the offensive side of the ball. Since I couldn't hardly name any of defensive players on either team I decided to root for the defense!

And guess what? I won!!!

But in doing so, I guess there is one thing I have to admit . . . Eli Manning is a good quarterback.

There. I said it. Now let's move on!

Bill Belichick's early exit to stage right before the game was over only reiterates his jerk-dom and provides yet another reason why I was glad to see New England lose! Whatever happened to 'we win as a team, we lose as a team'?

As for the Half Time Show, Tom Petty may not be pretty but he can still play!

The only thing I'm wondering about now is how does eldest brother Cooper Manning feel this morning being the only Manning not to win a Super Bowl?


Sheesh! The Manning Thanksgiving Family Reunion is gonna be pretty tense this year!

Cooper is gonna catch the glare of a Super Bowl ring everytime either Peyton or Eli pass him the sweet potatoes!

At least Cooper will always be able to laugh at Peyton for wearing dorky sweaters when he was little.
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"Are you excited about Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers playing in the Super Bowl Half Time Show?"

Total votes: 16

Tom who and the what-breakers?: 18% (3 votes)

Who cares? Half time is for a restroom run and a second trip through the buffet line!: 25% (4 votes)

I guess Hanana Montana was already booked: 25% (4 votes)

"You don't have to live like a refuge!" (Cigarette lighter in hand!): 31% (5 votes)

Sorry, Tara!

Torn

I doubt the constant wavering in deciding between which team to root against in tomorrow's Super Bowl is what Natalie Imbruglia had in mind when she wrote Torn.



Yet, this is how I feel! Nothing is fine! I'm torn!

Do I root against the New England "Alright already - you're the greatest team in the history of ever!" Patriots?

Or, do I root against the New York "There is no stinkin' way Eli Manning is this good!" Giants?

Since I can't stand either team, I have to choose which one I want to lose. I'd love to see Bill "For the last time, yes, I am a freakin' football genius!" Belichick lose his perfect season to the Giants in the Super Bowl . . .

But that would mean that Eli "I'm here only because my last name is Manning" Manning would be a Super Bowl-winning quarterback!

Gasp! I shutter at the thought!

So do you understand my conundrum? Can you sympathize with my predicament? Surely someone shares my dispair!

Which is the lesser of two evils?

For Laugh-Out-Loud-Fun . . .

. . . with stupid questions, go to Satire & Theology!

Great post, Russ!