I confess to you my heightened acuity of restaurant karma!
There’s karma in every restaurant. The wait to be seated. The table location. Table versus booth. The server. Noise level. Bug infestation (avoid the Wendy’s in Belton, TX!). Temperature. Sitting next to a sweet, quiet old couple versus sitting next to 4 obnoxious teenage girls who are all talking on their cell phones at once . . . and that’s all before you even order the food!
I sense it all. The biggest issue I have is the location of the table and where at the table I sit. Trust me – if you were deaf in one ear like me then you’d understand. I can’t sit near the kitchen or a high traffic area – all I hear is the background noise.
On top of that, I have to sit at the table so that conversation will occur on my left side (close to my good ear) or else everyone will be repeating themselves all night long.
The other issue, and the one which brings the most public humiliation to Kelly, is a wobbly table or, gasp!, wobbly chair! Wobbly restaurant furniture annoys me to no end and I will request other, more stable, sitting arrangements – hence Kelly’s public humiliation!
It drives me crazy that this kind of stuff drives me crazy! But I assure you that this is not some kind of “Rain Man – I will only eat pancakes with maple syrup for breakfast on Tuesdays – yeah, definitely Tuesdays” sort of thing.
I’m sure there’s some type of breathing method that I can use to help me keep my zen in these situations but there’s little chance of that happening!
Poor Kelly – she finds some way of fighting through it all! But if she thinks it’s bad now she should just wait until I’m a delusional 80-year old demanding to watch Doug Llewelyn on The People’s Court every afternoon at 3:00!
Meanwhile, there better be the same number of sugar, Equal and Sweet N’ Low packets on the table or else we’ll have to leave the restaurant immediately!
Ok – I feel better now that I’ve shared!
3 comments:
Wade,
B-Davis blogging in... I just read what's on your iPod and I laughed when I saw that you had Everclear "Father of Mine" loaded. Don't get me wrong, great song, but isn't that the song that makes you think about me? I think its the part that goes: "A scared white boy in a rough neighborhood (I am being PC)." I'll have you know that I was never scared growing up in Duncanville. In fact, most of the ruffians in my neighborhod feared ME because I wore pink chuck taylors, had tight-rolled Bugle Boy jeans (with the paisley roll-ups), a Coca-cola sweatshirt, and feathered hair on top with a wet-jelled perm in the back. Oh yeah, and more "bling-bling" than a Mr. T starter kit.
Oh, and by the way, my father and I have a wonderful relationship thank you ver much!!! Thanks for thinking of me though...you rat-face, 12-sandwich eating, jerk.
Brian,
You HAVE to show us a picture of this look! I have to say I'm not totally surprised by the paisley roll-ups. :) My secret paisley item from junior high was a pair of rayon MC Hammer pants...in purple paisley. Yikes!
Hope all is well! Kelly.
I really don't know what to respond to first: the pink Chuck Taylor's or the 12-sandwich eating comment.
I'll go with the wet-jelled perm! Was this before or after your afro look? And what kind of bling-bling did you wear? Braces? Let me guess, you had red, white and blue rubber bands didn't you? Also, your tarnished Things Remembered ID bracelet you got from your mom doesn't count as bling-bling either!
Rat-face I've heard. Jerk I've certainly heard (see Shocking Confession #2). But a 12-sandwich eating jerk? Not quite following you on that one buddy! Me thinks your leaning a bit too close when changing Kale's diapers! You may want to back up just a little bit and avoid taking deep breaths -if any at all if your son is anything like his father!
Thanks for stopping by,
W
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