Taylor Tidmore recently posted comments on his blog regarding his experiences at a fitness gym and it got me thinking about the kind of people you meet there. I think my 24-Hour Fitness gym is probably one of the most interesting places to people-watch because you can always count on a variety of personality types to be represented. For instance:
The Self Check-Out Guy: Appropriately named simply because he likes to check himself out in the mirror. Never mind that the mirrors are actually there for safety purposes (you’re supposed watch your technique in the mirror so that you don’t hurt yourself while lifting weights), this guy is never too embarrassed to lift up his shirt and check out his 2 ½ abs after every set of heart pounding crunches!
The show-off guy: Different from the Self Check-Out Guy, you are this guy’s audience! He walks around like he’s starring in his own workout video – which includes his unsolicited and extremely loud commentary on proper technique, nutrition and work-out gear. The gym is the highlight of this guy’s day – sad!
Lady wearing jewelry and make-up: This is a blatant violation of the ‘No Flirting or Socializing during Workout’ Rule. Why in the world do you need to wear jewelry and make-up while you’re working out? It’s a tale-tell sign of a woman who not only wants to get in a good workout but also hopes to meet the man of her dreams – very sad!
Lady talking on the cell phone while running on the treadmill: When I ran cross country in high school Coach Lena Nelson always told us, “If you’ve got enough breath to talk then you’re not running fast enough!” In other words, don’t complain that you’re not losing weight after you’ve only ran 2 miles while talking on the phone. Do yourself a favor: hang up and break a sweat for a change! Do us a favor: Hang up and keep your social life to yourself!
Hairy Back Guy: Nobody blames you for being a second cousin to Chewbacca, but because of all the hair certain rules apply. (1) No tank tops for you buddy! (2) No if’s, and’s, or but’s – you must wipe down every machine when you’re finished using it! Nothing ends a workout quicker than walking up to a machine and finding sweat and back hairs covering the chair!
The Over-sweater: Much like hairy back guy, we know you can’t help it if your body seems to liquefy the moment you step into the gym. That being said, allow me to introduce a wonderful product that keeps people from smelling your glistening ripped body from the other side of the free weights section – it’s called deodorant. It comes in Country Fresh, Ocean Spray and now Artic Blast! Try it, seriously . . . and don’t forget to wipe down the machines when you’re done!!!
The person who never moves their arms while running on the treadmill: There’s one in each gym! Jerry Seinfeld wrote an entire episode around this peculiar individual who refuses to utilize elementary principles in balance and coordination. I just want to go up to them and start pushing their arms back and forth. Don’t they know that they will get a better workout if they were to involve their upper body? Simply amazing!
The person who sings out loud with their iPod: I love watching anyone who is making a complete idiot of themselves in public. This person is the classic obliviot - just lost in their own little world and completely oblivious to the fact that they would lose to William Hung in a singing competition. The big payoff comes when they start singing in falsetto!
The talkative naked guy in the locker room: Alright, just like Taylor said, here’s the guy we all try to avoid. He takes his clothes off then talks your head off! It’s the single most uncomfortable situation I can imagine! Why is it that in any other social situation a naked man making casual conversation with you is grounds for arrest but in a gym locker room, supposedly, it is completely acceptable? I’m here to put everyone on notice: it’s not!! Particularly when there is a stack of clean extra large fluffy towels that you can wrap around yourself only an arm’s length away!!
Just like if you found yourself face-to-face with a grizzly bear, there are certain rules you must follow to ensure safety in such a precarious situation!
1. Always keep the eyes moving so you can't be accused of starring.
2. Fake having an eyelash stuck in your eye. The fake-squinting will protect your eyes from "overexposure" and then you can act like you need to go look in the mirror which will aid your escape.
3. If you are trapped by the talkative naked guy and can't get away then keep the conversation topic on how much you love your spouse, your kids and serving the Lord. (I really don’t know why you would want to mention that you love serving the Lord but it certainly can’t hurt!)
So which category do I fall into? I’m the guy who is always complaining to management that nearly all of the TV’s are on the same channel showing Oprah re-runs while only one TV (the one with a bad picture) is showing Sports Center!
Here’s a video of the OK GO guys who made going to the gym fun again! I may try this during my next workout. Double-click on the play button to start.
OK GO Treadmill Dance
2 comments:
ha! here b/c susan sent me. i love your post as much as the video. and, from the women's locker room, may i nominate another group of characters...? They are the Girly Girls. My gym's lockerrooms have couches and tvs and have a luxurious look. These women sit and watch their favorite shows, fix hair and makeup, do nails, and talk about the guys who are Out There. Different than the women who workout in jewelry and makeup, I've never seen the Girly Girls workout!
Hey HM!
Girly Girls - love it!
It just amazes me how going to the gym is a social outting for some people. I make myself go but I don't enjoy it. I want to get in, break a sweat, and get out! I try to keep the social interaction to times when I don't smell like a wet dog!
Thanks for stopping by - tell Susan I said hello!
W
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