In over 7 years of marriage, I have lost my wedding band 3.5 times! I know – shocking!
So shocking in fact, today I got called out from the pulpit by my preacher at church about it! No kidding!
Let me explain:
Infraction #1: During our first year of marriage I noticed one day after playing golf that I lost my ring sometime during the round. I felt particularly bad about losing my ring because Valentine’s was the following day. I waited until February 15th before telling Kelly. I bought a replacement on February 16th.
I was elated a couple months later when I found my ring still inside my golf glove! For some reason, Kelly didn’t share my enthusiasm!
Infraction #1.5: A few months later, having learned not to wear my wedding ring while playing golf, I took off my ring and left it in my car before heading out on the course. Since it was a particularly hot day, my ring was exceptionally hot when I returned to the car.
To cool if off, I turned on the A/C and held my ring directly in front of the vent. Unfortunately my ring dropped down the A/C vent like a quarter in a coke machine!
For the next week I could hear my ring roll back and forth inside my dash – each time prompting a glare from Kelly in the passenger seat. The service rep at the car dealership said that I was the very first person to bring in a car with this type of problem –
you don’t say?(I’m only charging my self with a half infraction for this one since technically I didn’t lose my ring . . . I just couldn’t reach it.)
Infraction #2.5: We all know what it feels like to move, right? All your possessions are boxed up. You don’t know where anything is. You’re out of your routine. You don’t have that little place where you put things so they don’t get lost.
It’s perfectly understandable that personal items can get misplaced during this transitional period, isn’t it?
I bought a second replacement.
Infraction #3.5: During this past summer, some guys from our church played in a basketball league. Just before playing in a game, I could have sworn I put my ring in my gym bag. When I got home and opened my gym bag I was shocked to find no ring. I called the rec center but nobody had returned it.
So I bought my third replacement.
Just this past week I received a phone call from our preacher, David, who said that he had found a wedding ring in on his closet floor and wondered if it was mine – it was! I thanked him for calling and asked him not to let me forget to get it from him during church today. I’ll never ask him that again . . .
During his sermon today, David started a story by saying, “So I walked into my closet this week and found something peculiar on the floor . . .”
Oh no he didn’t!
Oh yes he did!
He proceeded to use my personal issues with wedding bands as an analogy for the whole church to learn from! One of Kelly’s proudest moments as my wife no doubt!
The funny side of his story is that when he found the unfamiliar men’s wedding band in his closet he immediately became suspicious of his wife! He called up his wife at work and said, “I found something in the closet! Is there something you want to tell me?” She said, “No. I can’t talk right now – I’m eating lunch with my boss!” Which only increased his suspicions.
Before David’s imagination got too far out of control he stopped and realized that it might belong to one of the guys on the basketball team. That’s when he started calling around.
After church I told David that if I was going to get called out from the pulpit I could think of a lot worse things to get called out on!
Anyway - At this rate, I will have lost my ring 24.5 times when Kelly and I reach our 50th Anniversary. That is to say that Kelly doesn’t first leave me before then for losing my wedding ring 24.5 times!
I love you, Babe!
Here's a picture of Macy admiring my collection of wedding rings!
