Bumper Sticker(s) Of The Day #2

I recently saw the following 2 bumper stickers.

"Annoy a conservative - Defend the constitution."

"Annoy a liberal - Work hard and be happy."

I saw them both in a parking lot so I wish I had thought to take a picture but I didn't. Probably just as well seeing how if I had I'm sure the owner would have walked up just in time to see me snapping shots of his car and then proceeded to run me over with said-vehicle.

For the record, I find both bumper stickers equally hysterical. For those of you who love one but hate the other - lighten up!

But if you're wondering who is getting the biggest laugh then it has to be CafePress.com - the website that is selling both bumper stickers!

You gotta love capitalism!

What bothers me are the people who actually buy these bumper stickers and put them on their cars. Again, we're all entitled to our own opinions - but this kind of stuff just perpetuates the perception that there's some great political divide in our country.

It makes me realize that, politically speaking, this is going to be a very long year!

Umph!

Political Disclaimer: If you're about to post a comment that happens to be a mind-numbing political diatribe on how either the Republicans or Democrats are ruining the country, please click here instead.

QOTW: (Sniff, Sniff) Is That You Or Me?

Seriously? 63% of you would go the entire summer without deoderant for $25K?

Speaking as one who sweats like a banshee, I find everyone's willingness to "raise your hand" quite surprising!

(Name that deoderant commercial - 'Raise your hand! Rasie your hand if you're _____!)

I realize $25K is a lot of money but is it really worth it? Especially since you can't tell people why your own dog is too embarrassed to be seen (or smelt) with you.

Me thinks full consideration wasn't given to the laundry list of problems with going sans underarm protection.

Such as:

1. Your boss having to tell you that your natural body aroma isn't as sweet as you thought it was.

2. You keep getting emails from the local hyperhidrosis support group - a group for those sufforing from a medical condition characterized by excessive sweating.

3. You go way over-budget on your monthly perfume/cologne expenses. (But I guess it doesn't matter since you're about to get $25K, right?)

4. Your friends allow you over for dinner only if you duct tape lemon wedges under your arms.

5. Al Gore references your arm pits as examples of global warming.

I'm sure you'd all spend your deoderant-less summer dreaming about how you would spend your $$$ - my recommendation would be to first replace your entire wardrobe!

Or is that why you would agree to such a stunt in the first place?
____________________________________________________

"Would you go an entire summer without wearing deoderant for $25,000? (You can't tell people why!)"

Total votes: 22

Sign me up!: 63% (14 votes)

A summer in the Artic Circle maybe: 22% (5 votes)

Not worth it!: 13% (3 votes)

Where Your Fort Worth Tax Dollars Are Going

So I'm driving down Camp Bowie Blvd today and I start thinking, "Man! This road has been under construction forever! When are they gonna finish?"

Then I passed a sign that gave me the answer.

Figures!

Are they replacing only one brick a day? Sheesh!

Keep Your Political Banter To Yourself!

There is a receptionist in a doctor's office I call on that is an absolute joy to talk to. Her name is Jenny and you can always count on her being in a cheery mood and giving you a big smile.

Unfortunately, I could tell she was having a difficult day this morning. Her son is serving in Iraq and she hasn't heard from him in almost 2 weeks. Trying to hold herself together, she laughed and joked how "20-year old's never call home."

I could tell that she was just telling herself that to keep from losing it right there in the office. It was one of those moments when I knew I wanted to say something but words were dreadfully failing me.

The opportunity to say something was cut short though by the grand entrance into the office by another woman. Apparently she felt that we were all interested in her because she spoke loudly and made eye-contact with everyone in the room. She announced that she was in a hurry and seeing the Dr wasn't the only thing she had to do today.

Oh, pa-lease!

Jenny kept smiling. I rolled my eyes.

As if she was asked, Mrs. "Time Isn't Standing Still" told us all about how her daughter was about to get married but her son would miss the wedding because he's in the Army.

"I don't understand it! He was an A student in school but decided to join the Army! How stupid is that? Now he's probably going to become cannon-fodder thanks to Mr. Bush's war! All because he wanted to join the Army! It's such a waste!"

At this point I contemplated bouncing my cell phone off her forehead.

Jenny, with a perpetual smile on her face, just winked at me and called off my assault by slightly shaking her head. I reluctantly put my cell phone back in my pocket and resorted to throwing dagger-sharp glares instead.

Who is braver? Those who volunteer to fight in a war or their loved ones who are left behind?

We all have a right to our own opinions about this war. But please keep in mind that there are those among us who face a daily battle between keeping a happy face and collapsing under the weight of fear. So for the sake of those like Jenny, please keep your political banter to yourself . . . especially when you don't know who is listening!

Political Disclaimer: This is not a political blog. Please know that comments laced with political banter about our war will be viewed as having missed the point of this post and will be met with dagger-sharp glares.

VBS Was A-OK!

Before too much more time goes by, I want to take a moment and give props to EDMC and TxMommy for doing such a great job, yet again, on our VBS this past week!

I've always been very proud of our VBS considering the size of Vista Ridge. I know that there are a lot of great programs going on each summer at other congregations - but, thanks to the tireless effort of folks like these, we've always had a great turnout and participation!

I had planned on taking some pictures during VBS to post. But since I spent the entire time either memorizing my script (I was the emcee!) or trying to figure out how to get my nightly science project to work I didn't have much time to click off a few photos.

Instead of an actual photo, try this as a visual: Just imagine me standing in front of 50 some-odd kids trying to draw a parallel between Diet Dr. Pepper cans floating in tub of water, regular Dr. Pepper cans sinking in a tub of water . . . and the story of Peter walking (or sinking) on water.

Confused? That's OK. So were the 50 some-odd kids!

Thanks again, EDMC & TxMommy - I heard so many compliments!

(At least on the everything not having to do with my science projects!)

Wade & Tate's Weekend of Fun!

Yesterday, Kelly hopped on a plane for a much deserved weekend visiting Bert & Paige in Little Rock, Arkansas - so this marks my first significant amount of time alone with the little man!

I'm actually looking forward to our weekend alone (please pray for me!). I'm really not worried (yet!). It should be a lot of fun (did Tate just cough?). This should be great bonding time for us (anyone recommend a good babysitter?).

I'm kidding!

Those who have known of our impending Weekend of Fun have kept asking me what I've got planned. "Oh, a little bit of this - a little bit of that." I've actually been ready to pounce on the first person to refer to my weekend of flying solo as "babysitting".

I'm not one of those Mr. Mom fanatics but it does bother me when people see me with my son and say, "Oh, are you babysitting?"

I'm not the babysitter - I'm the father! It's a sad commentary on our society when people see a father spending time with his son and think of it as only babysitting. It's also demeaning to the hard work Moms have to do day-in, day-out.

So for Day 1, I took a vacation day from work and the little man and I ran a few errands in the morning - during which Tate charmed a salon full of women! What a little flirt he is!

I pulled into Fuddrucker's for lunch because I thought Tate might like their french fries - which would be his first time to eat french fries. No such luck. He just pounded them into mashed potatoes and then tried to eat the napkin instead.

Day 2? If we ask nicely, maybe Grandpa and Mimi will let us come over and swim in their pool!

Did Somebody Lose A Kid?

I'm writing this post as I sit in a hospital lobby - I'm killing time using their free wi-fi while waiting for my lunch appointment.

I've been somewhat entertained by a rambunctious 5-year old boy who is keeping himself busy by stomping on one of those electrical outlets in the floor. It's completely covered so there's little harm he can do to himself; however, he does seem intent on busting up either the floor or his ankle.

Hey, what else are you gonna do in a hospital lobby!

Apparently his dad has had just about enough because he told told his son, "If you stomp on that hard enough it will shock you and kill you!"

OK, I realize that Dad was probably tired of his son trying to jack-hammer himself into the floor. And I realize that electrical outlets are nothing to play with even if they are covered with a metal plate. I also realize that said electrical outlet could render Wonder Boy quite a shock . . .

. . . but is there not a better way to say 'Please stop'?

In the boy's defense, once he realized he was on the brink of his own demise he quietly found something else to do.

But I'm sitting here wondering why parents tell kids little white lies or stretched truths in order to get them to do something.

One wives tales I remember is not to go to bed with wet hair or you'll get pneumonia. What does wet hair have to do with getting pneumonia? I remember thinking how awful it would be to wake up the next morning and suddenly have pneumonia . . .

. . . Uh-oh! While typing this post I just realized that I am apparently in the midst of a conversation with a 10-year old boy sitting next to me. He's showing me his "$168 Nintendo DS" and its "awesome graphics!"

"But my sister dropped it and now the sound doesn't work so good. She always breaks my stuff! Does your computer have any cool games?"

"Yeah, ever heard of Solitaire?"

I'm literally dictating as he is talking to me! I have no idea who this kid is or where he came from . . . but he won't stop talking to me! I hope he doesn't look at my computer screen or else I'm busted! Maybe I can get rid of him by telling him to go stomp on an electrical outlet!

Whoops! I think he just told me a little too much information about his sister's doctor's appointment.

I love kids but why do they feel like they can just come up and start talking? This happens to me all the time! Haven't these kids ever heard the old wives tale of "Don't talk to strangers!"

Aw, look at that! It's lunch time! Sorry, kid - hope your sister gets help with her "girl problems"!

(That's right! He actually told me his sister was here because of her "girl problems!")

Kelly-ism #13

This Kelly-ism is actually me sharing something about the "mommy-side" of Kelly that I love.

One of Kelly's favorite things to do with Tate is to go into his room at night and hold him in the dark while he's still asleep.

This is her time with her little boy when he's not squirmy, fussy or otherwise mesmerized by the ceiling fan. While she's holding Tate, Kelly will pray for him, talk to him and tell him just how much he is loved. Very often she'll reappear from Tate's rooms with watery eyes.

I guess this is how "momma's boys" are made - which is just fine with me.

QOTW: Eh, Not So Much!

Like it or not, that was officially a bad Wade's Question Of The Week!

Anytime you have a 100% on any response, you've got a bad poll.

I remember there was something I was going to say about superstitions but, thanks to VBS sapping my brain, I have absolutely no idea what it was.

And because of my VBS-sapped brain, I'm not even going to attempt to come up with a question for this week in fear of repeating the same mistake from last week.

Hope you all don't mind!
_______________________________________________________

"This coming Friday is Friday the 13th - Are you superstitious?"

Total Votes: 11

No, superstitions are for children: 100% (11 votes)

It depends on the superstition: 0% (0 votes)

Yes, I've already cancelled all my plans for Friday: 0% (0 votes)

Score One For Personal Victories!

I try really hard not to bog down my blog with a bunch of cycling stories.

If you've ever been beaten down by the mind-numbing experience of listening to a golf story then try listening to a cycling story - just ask Kelly!

"I got on my bike and I started pedaling - it was so cool!"

At least in a golf story you can talk about how close you got to making a Hole-In-One or making a 30-foot putt. But what can you say about cycling?

"Then there was this big hill and I had to keep pedaling. But when I got to the top I got to rest while coasting down the otherside. It was great!"

See what I mean?

But I have to stop down for this one because more than just another cycling story, it's a personal victory story. Those are cool, right?

I finally reached a goal I've had ever since I started cycling a couple years ago. I've always wanted to finish a ride averaging 20 mph. Yesterday, I rode 40 miles in Weatherford's Peach Pedal and crossed the finish line in less than 2 hours. My fuzzy math makes that an average of 20 mph!

Yea, Me!

I realize that this pales in comparison to the slightly roided feats of physical accomplishment currently on display in France. And I also realize that Lance Armstrong's records are no more in jeopardy now than they were when I hopped on my bike yesterday morning.

But you know what, I set a goal for myself and I finally reached it. The last time I got close to 20 mph I ended up getting a not-so-free ambulance ride to Dallas Baylor Emergency Room!

But not yesterday!

We've all got goals just waiting to turn into stories of personal victories. I think it's important to celebrate our victories no matter how little they may be. It reminds us that we're capable of doing so much more than we think - particularly if we get God involved!

The best part of a new personal victory is getting to celebrate it. And how did I celebrate 40 miles in 2 hours?

4 words: Blue Bell & Magic Shell!

1980's Advertising At Its Best (Part 4)

I'm not sure how I feel about posting on my blog a video of New Kids On The Block. But since I've already posted about Oprah, diaper bags, and Smurfs - I guess I've already crossed that line.

But this NKOTB commercial is too good to leave out. It reminds me of the 1980's theme of excessiveness being a good thing - if a certain amount of something is good, then even more of it will be better!

Thus, if you can make money off of screaming girls at a concert then why not make money off of screaming girls in a toy store?

I personally know someone who was in their target market - at one point in time my sweet wife was a NKOTB die-hard. And what defines a die-hard? Attending (and crying at) 3 NKOTB concerts!

If you listen closely to the video, you can actually hear Kelly screaming in the background, "I'm their #1 fan!"

This commercial proves that merchandising a fad is really great marketing. The only problem here is that they decided to merchandise a boy band with all the wrong stuff!

(Get it? All the wrong stuff!)

The good news is that said-merchandizers decided to spare us all from a NKOTB reunion tour! The bad news is now Kelly no longer has an excuse to wear her favorite concert T-shirt in public!

Those Picky Christians!

I had lunch with a nurse yesterday and we started talking about the different places where we have lived.

I mentioned that although I have always lived in the Fort Worth area, I did go to school in Abilene.

RN: "Oh, did you go to ACU?"

Me: "Yeah!"

RN: "I used to work at the Pizza Inn down the street from ACU."

(My social club at ACU used to eat lunch at that Pizza Inn every Tuesday - we would totally take over the place. When she told me that she used to work there, I gulped as I hoped she didn't recognize me as the annoying guy who kept ordering Dr. Pepper refills and complain that the juke box needed something other than just country music!)

RN: "So did you think they were picky?"

Me: "Who?"

RN: "The people at ACU. They're Christians, aren't they?"

Me: "Uh . . . yeah, they're Christians . . . but, what do you mean by 'picky'?"

RN: "You know, telling you what to do all the time and making you go to church. Picky!"

(Has the definition of the word 'picky' changed without me knowing? Is there a memo somewhere that I didn't get?)

Me: "Well, I knew that there would be a strong Christian atmosphere - that's kinda why I went to ACU. I'm a Christian myself."

RN: "Really?"

Me: "Does that surprise you?"

RN: "Yeah, because you're not . . . you know . . ."

Me: "Picky?"

RN: "Yeah!"

Me: "Gee, thanks . . . (I think!)"

Vive la Crashe!

I can't believe I forgot to update you all on the Tour de France! It's the greatest bicycle race in the history of ever! A couple hundred dope-addicts ride over 1,000 miles in 2 weeks to prove who has the best steriod lab!

By the way, it has never been proven that Lance Armstrong used steroids!

The Tour started this past weekend and already there have been some great falls!

Click here to see the crashe du jour! (That is, unless your name is Kelly and you happen to be my wife!)

Keep in mind that the cyclists were going close to 30 mph when they fell! Road rash, anyone?

Call it NASCAR on two wheels if you want - but one of the reasons its a great show is because of the crashes!

Techinical Disclaimer: You will only be able to see the video if your computer allows pop-ups. The link is to the Versus website, once there right-click on the pop-up message below your address bar to temporarily allow pop-ups.

Just For You, Suzy Q!

Hey Suzy Q!

This week's "What's On My iPod" is just for you!

QOTW: Will Work For Tips

UPDATE:

The timing of this post is a little ironic . . .

I'll try to make a long, convoluted story short and sweet (which is not really possible for me). When I schedule lunches with my doctors, I use a delivery service to pick up the food and take it to their office. Today's delivery was a very uncharacteristic 20 minutes late.

When the driver finally showed up, I could tell that she was flustered and very upset. It didn't bother me that she was so late since the doctor was running late as well - but she kept apologizing anyway.

But I thought she was about to break down and start crying when she realized that, in her haste, she had charged my credit card incorrectly and had essentially given herself a 25% tip. Knowing that correcting the charge on my credit card would be more trouble than it's worth, I told her not to worry about it and just keep the extra $$.

At this point she actually did break down and start to cry!

"I should have just called in sick this morning! I went to pick up your food and then my car wouldn't start. And when it finally did I raced here so you're food wouldn't get cold but then I got pulled over by a cop who gave me a ticket and now I've charged you too much and I know you're one of our best customers and I don't want to make you mad!"

I swear that she said all of that with one breath!

Since it's so unbearable for me to watch someone cry I gave her a hug and a big smile and told her to go home and watch some Oprah - that got her laughing a bit.

I'm not saying that over-tipping will make people happy, but at least it lets them know that it's completely understandable to have a bad day every now and then.
__________________________________________________

Kelly says that sometimes I can be too generous of a tipper.

I think it goes back to when I waited tables in Abilene - I remember what hard work it was just to get an extra buck.

Some guy would come in and play Dr. Pepper Derby (meaning he would ask for a refill every other minute) and then leave a crumpled up dollar bill on the table and actually have to nerve to say on his way out, "Now don't spend that all in one place!"

"I hope all that Dr. Pepper makes you pee in your pants!"

I did get some pretty interesting tips while waiting tables:

$20 bucks from a guy who wanted me to keep refilling his coffee and otherwise leave him alone.

The same amount from a guy after performing the Heimlich on his wife - "Is $20 bucks all she's worth?"

2 shiny quarters from an old lady who would eat lunch at Cotton Patch every Sunday - she was nice but we all hated waiting on her.

Some guy gave me a $2 dollar bill as a tip. I still have it in my wallet - Don't ask me why.

But I never know how to tip the kids at Sonic. Do you tip them or not?

And what about the waiters who bring you your food curbside when you're ordering to go? Do you tip them the same as you would if they were serving you inside?

Here's a little insider tip on how to handle a waiter with a bad attitude: Pay with a credit/debit card and where it says "Tip" on the receipt write "Not with that attitude." At the end of the night the waiter will have to turn in the receipt and his manager will see it. If he doesn't turn the receipt in then he'll show up short and have to pay for your meal out of pocket.

I saw a guy get fired because someone did that to him!

So I don't mind giving a couple extra bucks if the service was what it should be. But if things go bad don't even try blaming it on the kitchen with me!

It's rarely the kitchen's fault!
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Which best describes you as a tipper?

Total Votes: 22

"You want a tip? Don't forget to floss!": 0% (0 votes)

2 shiny nickels: 0% (0 votes)

15%: 36% (8 votes)

15% plus a buck or two - they're working their tail off!: 63% (14 votes)

The Following Post Has Been Rated (Only) "G"?

Russ came across this website that offers blog ratings based on content!

I know I've always been the harmless type but a "G" rating sounds a bit too Disney-ish to me. You would have thought my story of dropping an f-bomb on a co-worker when I was 14 would have scored at least a "PG-13".

I may consider resurrecting my "Shocking Confessions" series in an effort to move towards a more edgy "PG" rating - I may be harmless but I'm not totally without a little edge.

Maybe I'll tell you about the time I lost control of my temper and honked my horn at some guy driving erratically down the street! I was a raging madman!

Another PG story could be of when my sister used to work for the Texas Rangers selling programs and would sneak me into Arlington Stadium to watch Ranger games . . . without buying a ticket! Rumor has it that my photo is still hanging on the wall in the break room at the Ballpark!

If that ain't edgy then nothing is!

So consider yourself warned - the rating of this blog could change without warning due to my unpredictable (but mostly harmless) edginess!

1980's Advertising At Its Best (Part 3)

I mentioned earlier that I took my nephew to see Transformers to help cheer him up after the loss of his beloved Buffett. I have to admit that I also had a secondary and much more selfish motive - I was a huge Transformers fan growing up!



As far at the movie goes, if you're into alien robots, great special FX, and really corny "more than meets the eye" one-liners - it's actually a pretty good flick!

But now that I think about it, I'm not sure if I enjoyed it because it was a good movie or just because it was an OK movie that reminded me of the great time I had spending hours in my room with Optimus Prime issuing "more than meets the eye" one-liners to myself!

Either way, it was time well spent with Trip.

Tate-ism #10

"I think the strained peas are starting to kick in!"

Anyone Got A Kleenex?

OK, I wasn't going to say anything. I was just going to let this past week pass by without a mention. But enough is enough . . .

As some of you may already know from reading Kelly's blog, my whole family is supposed be in Hawaii right now - as in my parents, my sister and her family, Kelly, Tate and I.

The reason we're not is because of an emergency back surgery that my sister had to undergo last Friday. Long story short is that a piece of her vertebrae broke off and was in danger of severing nerves that are necessary for walking. So, yeah - we opted to postpone Hawaii until next year!

The good thing is that Tisha is now at home and is expected to make a full recovery! Yea, God!

The cancelled trip is a bummer but we're all taking it in stride. Not even my 7 and 9-year old niece and nephew are complaining despite weather that makes you wish you were anywhere but in North Texas (Seriously, enough of the rain already!).

So we've been trying to make it up to the kids by trying to make them feel like they're really not missing out on anything (yeah, right!). Unfortunately that got a little harder today when they got a phone call from their vet saying that their 14-year old miniature Yorkshire had throat cancer and needed to be put down!

Can it get any worse for these guys?

First, their mom goes into emergency surgery. Then they're told that they won't be going on the summer trip to Hawaii that we've all been hyping up for the last 2 years. And now they had to go to the animal hospital to say good-bye to their favorite little lap dog!

I can't even begin to describe the wailing and gnashing of teeth at my sister's house today. Those poor kids! I just hate to see their little hearts break like that.

Kelly and I are gonna try to be Super Aunt/Uncle and take them to the mall tomorrow. I'll take Trip to see Transformers and Kelly, Tate and Mary Tish will do a little shopping.

It certainly isn't kickin' back on Waikiki or running around in the back yard with little Buffett, but the way this week is going - what else are ya' gonna do?

QOTW: It's A Blog World After All!

Have you ever stopped to think how funny it is to ask someone, "Do you blog?"

You'll get in return one of three responses: A knowing nod, a quizzical look, or a roll of the eyes.

Having previously been one of those who would roll my eyes at such a question, the 180 I've pulled on blogging is quite impressive. But what impressed me most about blogging was that its a great way to catch up (and keep caught up) with friends and family.

But has anyone noticed the certain element of the blog world that makes you feel safe enough to go lurking? We can all play Seven Degrees of Separation with the blogs we read - I came across this person's blog after clicking on a link of another person's blog who commented on my high school friend's blog . . . and now I feel like I know them just like a friend!

Susan recently called out her lurkers. I don't think I'm gonna call anyone out - I'll respect your right to lurk. But to Susan's point, blogging (and leaving comments) many times leads to something very unexpected - blog friends (folks whom you know solely through the blog world). I've got a couple myself - Satire & Theology and Jill.

I guess what I'm trying to say is: If we were told about blogging 10 years ago, most of us would just ask, "Why would you want to do that?"

Funny how that is what my parents ask me today!
________________________________________________________

"How do you blog?"

Total votes: 20

I only read the blogs of a few very close friends: 10% (2 votes)

I enjoy reading many blogs of friends and acquaintances: 20% (4 votes)

I actually have a few blog friends - people you know only through the blogosphere: 45% (9 votes)

I'm a closet blog stalker!: 25% (5 votes)